I lost my patience yesterday, once or twice or maybe a hundred times.
It’s easy to do when you’re surrounded by willful free spirits. I have my ways of doing things and they, quite frankly, do not.
Still, I hate to hear that tone in my voice. I hate it when I have to yell to get them moving. (And on our Blessed Mother’s feast, to boot! For shame.)
The older kids had choir in the early evening and on our way there I apologized for my impatience throughout the day. “That’s okay, Mom,” said my oldest, and I responded, “No, it’s not. I really need to be receiving the sacraments more. I need to get to confession.”
He nodded cheerfully because, in general, he’s a cheerful kid.
Well, my words were a self-fulfilling prophecy. After choir I was about to zip out of the parking lot and head for home when Felicity asked if we could go pay Jesus a quick visit. I knew that this was one of those propositions that would involve some extra effort on my part—meaning, I have a 3-year-old—but I also knew that it would pay itself off in the richest of dividends.
A visit to Our Lord is just like that.
What I didn’t know is that there was an Advent penance service going on. The lights were low and the soft sounds of Gregorian chant wafted through the chapel. Best of all, we counted eight different priests throughout the church! No waiting in line for confession!
If all this is not a peaceful sight, I don’t know what is. I almost forgot about my need to receive the sacrament, I felt that uplifted.
But I did go to confession (3-year-old in tow) and it was just what this Mrs. Grinchy needed. The good padre spoke about relying more on the graces from my sacrament of matrimony to help me in my vocation, (I always forget we can do this!) and he reminded me to say my prayers even though my life is busy.
Not that I ever forget to say my prayers or anything.
On our way out of the church, I saw a friend from the parish waiting for her turn in the confessional. Leaning over the pew, I whispered, “All clean!” and she smiled.
Then I added, “At least for the next minute!”
And so it came to pass that the kids and I got into the van and I asked them, as I always do, to please buckle up. They dawdled. Did they hear me? I repeated the request with a cheerful “Let’s go, kids! Ellie’s at home waiting to be let out!”
Somehow, the thought of our poor little in-need-of-a-potty-break puppy did not prompt my children to action. They continued to stand there—which in a van is never a comfortable position anyway—discussing the events of the day and all but having a cigarette & coffee as they did so.
Warning: what follows is my fall from grace. I yelled; they buckled up; and finally we got going.
I often wonder how Our Blessed Mother dealt with insubordination of the part of her children. Ha! Of course she didn’t have to. I know that we can’t grow in patience without having a reason to be patient, but it is a fine line that we mothers walk between disciplining our children in love and freaking out when they fail to obey us.
I fall off that fine line every day and in every season.
Then, by the grace of a good confession, I get back on and try again.
Ad Jesum per Mariam,
Well, I’m certain that you know we all have those days. Yesterday was one of those for me, too. Lots of yelling on my part and arguing on the part of the children.
On days like those, I could kick my mother for not encouraging the contemplative life of a cloistered nun. Oh the peace.
Oh Margaret, I have been struggling with this so much lately, too! It seems my 5-year-old needs multiple reminders for absolutely everything, especially getting buckled up in the car when it is time (or usually past time) to go!
I really enjoy your blog, although I’m not Catholic, and I wondered if you could elaborate on the statement the priest made to you about “relying more on the graces from my sacrament of matrimony to help me in my vocation.”
Blessings to you!
You make me feel better, knowing that I’m not alone.
Yes, Margaret. All of us mothers struggle with impatience some days. And you’re right, the important thing is that we get up again and keep striving for holiness.
God bless you and all mothers who persevere and rely on grace!
You know my heart, dear friend! How I long to be the sweet and patient mother I see in you (no, really!) and yet I fall and fall and fall.
After a long and frustrating day yesterday, little St. Lucia asked yet again for her dress for today’s feast. I obliged (not without grumbles and snaps) and she woke herself at 6am so as to bring Christstollen and coffee to Mom (grumble-bum) and Dad in bed before he had to zip off to work. I have so far to go.
Sometimes I feel like a sheepdog trying to herd a bunch of sheep who are just lollygagging around. (4 yr old, 2 year old twins, and 6 month old) Needless to say I lose my patience about a thousand times a day. And buckling into the car, esp. in the winter, is just about the worst!
Janet
I have no idea where my Magnificat got itself to. Had it yesterday morning. Couldn’t find it last night or this morning, even though I cleaned off my desk. The only thing keeping me calm is the thought that throwing a fit over losing a prayer book is a bit ironic. My kids have been dawdling all day over schoolwork (still are), and the only reason I haven’t yelled is because I didn’t say my morning prayers and I’m so irritated over that, and the hypocracy of being irritated, that I am hyper-aware of my mood and hyper-vigilant to its snowball effect…know what I mean?
Confession this Saturday for sure, and if I find my Magnificat by then, my kids better hide for cover.
Oy, I’ve been so cranky lately! And I’m overdue for confession to, now that you mention it! The sheep herding comment made me smile…I compare mine to a bunch of chickens…they are off pecking in every direction, I hunt one down and another wanders off…
Thank you, Margaret, for your honesty, your humor and your encouragement. God knew I needed to hear this today.
Annette
Thanks for sharing and making me feel better about my falls from grace. I’d like to know more about the graces of marriage thing–how can I find out about that?
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
You asked “I often wonder how Our Blessed Mother dealt with insubordination of the part of her children. Ha! Of course she didn’t have to.”
Well…if you believe in some of the apparitions then you have your answer (WE are HER children, after all!)! She supposedly has all kinds of warnings and pleadings for prayer over, and over, and over, and over, and over…I think you get the idea! She just keeps after us until we listen. Just like a good mom should, I guess!
…and again…and again…
I read Part 1 (especially Chapter 3) of “How to Profit from Your Faults” by Joseph Tissot at least once a month to remind myself of this.
“‘If it occurs to you to commit some fault, do not lose courage. Rise up immediately as if you had not fallen.'” (p.36)
I needed to read this today. DEFINITELY one of those days…
I’ve said, “Shut up!” twice in the past two days, something I haven’t said in a decade, I’ll bet. And both times it was at one of my children. These souls in my care receive the worst of me sometimes. Confession soon is a must!