In short, some habits are HARD to break.
This is me.
(Me and my husband, to be exact.)
Can you tell that I’d had a $10 beer in this picture? I hope you say no, because I hadn’t. Instead, alas, I’d had too much wine.
TMI?
No. Too much wine.
(I’m telling you this for a reason. Bear with me.)
This is our 2-year-old terrorist son, Nicholas:
He’s a busy kid with a big, mess-making agenda.
The good news? I let him.
(And I wasn’t even drunk.)
Okay, so why this apparent disconnect between drinking too much and letting your kid trash the table? In the end, in my mind, it has to do with habit–with what (and whom) I want to be, and what I need to do to reach my goals.
Here’s what happened. Two things happened. One, my family went to Valley Fair (a local, incredibly overpriced theme park), and I wheedled my husband…and cajoled…and pouted…until I got him to buy me a $10 beer.
Why??
1. Because I’m truly just that pathetic.
2. Because even though I know that he hates wasting money, I’d convinced myself that I needed this beer, because…
3. I’d had a beer at this theme park on previous visits, and…
4. Cold adult beverages + nostalgia = FUN, and
5. Fun means Fun Margaret. Fun Maggie! I like her.
And yet, here’s the clincher. In the space between my pleading and my getting my way, I got a (free) ice water and to my SURPRISE, felt refreshed. In that space between doing what I wanted and what I ought to…I realized that truly, I had a choice. 
I realized I could be better than before.
I filed this away into the “Huh. Who’d have thought?” category.
Which brings me to the second lightning bolt. Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin is one of the best books that I’ve read all year. It’s LIFE-changing, I tell you, though granted…
You have to want to change.
I have learned so MUCH about why I do what I do, and I’m learning tricks to overcome bad habits. My overspending, over-eating, over-drinking, OCD-ness about the kids’ messes…
That “me” is not the best me I could be. The best me is less spendy, less cluttered, less blurred.
The “best me” wouldn’t buy a $10 beer at all. The “best me” realizes that there’s SO. Much. MORE.
So far I’ve been focusing on Rubin’s “Four Pillars” which are:
1. Eat better.
2. Move more.
3. Get enough sleep.
4. Join a book club.
Only kidding about Number 4! Although I have to say, I love love LOVE my book club.
(Number 4 is actually “declutter”.)
So with the goal of the “Four Pillars” before me, I’ve spent most of September following a low-carb diet. I’m exercising daily, abstaining from alcohol, and am doing ginormous clean sweeps of some of my home’s hot spots.
You know what? It feels good! And so do I.
Rubin warns her readers, too, about potential triggers–i.e. places, moods, times of day, and people–that tempt and threaten one’s good intentions. I’m learning that I have lots of triggers! Theme parks, apparently, and wine & beer in general. Can I be “Fun Maggie” without needing to drink or spend money?
Silly Maggie. Of course you can.
Another trigger is my cluttered, messy home. Can I develop the habit of tidying up as I go, even if that means {gulp} finishing the dishes before I check Facebook? Can I be the kind of mom that doesn’t freak out about messes because the rest of the house is basically clean and uncluttered?
Silly Mommy. Of course you can.
The best thing about this habits book is that I’m seeing how life holds so much POTENTIAL. There’s a reason, I think, why Rubin’s previous book was on happiness. She gets that our habits–and our joy–are a choice.
I want to be that wife, that friend, that mom.
It just takes grace…and a few good habits. ♥
Tell me, because I would love to know: What is one good habit that would change your life? For me, it’s not giving into what I “think” I need–the chocolate, the pasta, the $10 beer. : )
Wonderful blog post Margaret! Important things for us to think about.
My habit that changed my life was being intentional about spending time with Jesus each day. Talking to Him, letting Him love me and reminding myself that I am precious and loved in His eyes. -Even if I have not done everything perfectly. Something that every woman should be reminded of each day.
“Letting Him love me” is a habit *I* need to work on, Michelle.
Because He does.
Read this fab book earlier this year, and I want to re-read it now that I’ve tried some things. For me a huge shift was the Treats section. Allll my treats were actually regressions–more beer, sweets, etc. Finding things that I love, that don’t deplete is huge. One for me: organizing Playmobil and Lego. I know! OCD. But I love it 🙂 And you.
An OCD kindred spirit! Love you much, Miss Kortney!
Great post and book review!
I think, actually know, that for me it would be getting to bed early and getting up early to pray and workout. (with enough time to shower before school starts)
Really, it’s the getting up early that would change my life. Early, as in 6am. That’s not that early right? Tell that to me at 6am when I decide every single morning that it is too early and I can snooze til, oh, I don’t know 7am.
(I know though, that in order to get up early, the going to bed early has to happen)
That’s actually huge, Jamie–recognizing that you have to go to bed earlier in order to get up earlier.
She talks about that in her book. 🙂
The habit that did change my life was stumbling into an exercise class (the Barre Method) and deciding to stick with it by going once a week. 6 months later, twice a week. A year later, 3 times a week. That was five years ago. I’m now a 200 hr certified Yoga Instructor. I teach at a gym and my children’s high school. I also teach Body Positive Yoga and Mother Daughter yoga. I’ve volunteered at our parish’s women’s retreat for chair yoga and simple stretches. I love every minute of it. It has brought me closer to God and I have such a profound gratitude towards my body and how it has served me. This after years of smoking and drinking too much and beating up on my body. I finally found a hobby that I love.
I would love–LOVE–to take your class, Jen!
I too am not the best me I could be! Making a choice to be joyful everyday is hard especially when you have toddlers running around the house messing up the pile of clean clothes you just folded! I totally relate to you on wanting something you just don’t really need (mine is going out to eat). I will defiantly have to check out this book! Here’s to a better us!
Tonight I bought (on impulse) a bottle of Starbucks Mocha Cappucino and a box of Caramel Apple Oreos.
Not only did I NOT need either item (bleh, too much SUGAR), my budget didn’t need them either! I am such a work in progress.
Not only did this blog post speak to me, but this comment is one that could have been said by me. I have a weakness for eating out. Sweets are also a huge weakness for me. If I had saw those Oreos I probably would have gotten them too.
I need to break the emotional eating habit. I also need to use my time more wisely!!
This sounds like a book I should read!! Thank you for sharing your review of it.
I haven’t heard of this book before, but it definitely sounds like one I should read! Thanks for the review.
As far as one habit goes, I think choosing not to let the little things bother me would be very life changing in a positive way!
Don’t sweat the small stuff, right?
Thank you for commenting. ♥
What a question after a wonderful post.
I feel a bit like you. Not giving in to what I think I need. I swing from junk food to a dirty rotten smoker. Yes I share this to torture myself. I go months without smoking and then stop to take up chocolate with reckless abandonment. They are my two down falls. But wait there is more.
Then there is the discipline streak, where I know I am at my best. Limited chocolate, exercise regime, no cigarettes and I am zooming around on fire. So I am the all rounder. I get to excel, get fat or attempt to slowly kill myself with a fag hanging out of my mouth. Might just read this book that has motivated you. Thanks.
Rachel.
I used to smoke in college and every so often, like on a crisp fall day, I’ll catch a whiff of a cigarette and think, “Boy that really smells good.”
(I’m not helping, am I.)
But we’re much better off NOT smoking. 😉
I definitely need the habit of not overeating. I don’t need another slice or another bite 😛 but having an almost 2 year old boy I definitely need to be ok with mess and just enjoying the fun and the moment instead of thinking that I need to clean up he mess he is making. 😀
Lerie, it took me many, MANY years to be okay with messes.
(Hint: my oldest son is now 18.)
Three cheers for book clubs! We just had a meeting last night. Nothing like a good group of women to help you stick to those pillars. 🙂 I haven’t had beer guilt but this summer I waited in line way too long at a convenient store for a quesadilla. I wasn’t even that hungry but I felt I might be hungry. Next time I’ll let my stomach growl a bit. gah! Thank you for your honesty!
Beer guilt, huh? That’s a good word for it!
It sounds like you’re doing great. Do you plan to continue this in October? I also have a 2 year old terrorist so I feel your pain! He sure looks pretty happy all messy 🙂
My birthday’s in October (the 2nd, to be exact), so I will probably celebrate briefly and then get back on plan.
And yes, my 2-year-old was extremely happy. 🙂
This makes me want to join a book club and drink now! 😉
Good books and good wine DO go well together…
Your little guy is so cute, love the action pictures and the reminder to let them play, explore and be kids. Your book review is spot on. I am going to suggest this book to our book club. The habit I am working to change is my morning routine. I would like to spend more time in prayer before my kiddos wake up and the day gets away from me.
Yep, morning routine = HABIT.
This would be a great book club book!
I’ll have to pick up that book. You have me intrigued.
My habit is self-discipline. I need to work on control in a lot of areas of my life, but it all boils down to self-discipline.
I think you would like the book, Stacy, because in the end, it’s so much MORE than just self-discipline.
Cheers to the terrorist..mine is two and I know how crazy it can get. This post was so heartfelt for me because am always looking for ways that I can be a better me!Loved it.
Thank you, Millie. 🙂
Your life is so very different from mine. I have a two year old grandson to look after, just don’t care for the beer whether it’s $10 or more, have no time at all for book clubs – I actually find reading a book to discuss it very stressful and completely defeating the purpose of reading a book for pleasure. But I loved reading your post – the way you connected the dots and made a pretty picture.
I like that idea of connecting the dots to make a picture–thank you! 🙂
Wow, you’ve really given me something to think about with this post. I can definitely think of times that I HAVE to do/have something, just because it’s a habit, even if it’s not the best choice at the time. I’ll definitely have to go check out that book…
I hope you’re able to give it a read, Lisa–although I had to wait a while to get it at the library.
It is hard to change – quit frankly change is scary. I know that I have areas I want to improve but sometimes its hard to give up the comfort of your habits and change – even if it is better for you in the long run. I need to get back to focusing on my diet and exercise but just haven’t found the power to do it yet. It will happen because I still believe I can do it!
Diet and exercise are a GREAT first place to start. You can do this, Shannon, because you will so much better if you do. ♥
I was truly entertained while reading this post, thank you. The book, Better Than Before sounds like a great read, too. I need to work on reining in my impulses so I don’t buy that $15 glass of wine. 😉
Thank you, Shelah. 🙂
I enjoyed reading your post. I think the message of, living life as our best selves, is an important one. Thanks for spreading the message.
You’re welcome, Erin. Thank you for stopping by!
First of all – hello! I am a born and raised MN girl, but have lived in Arizona for 12 years now! I miss MN and my family. I am dying to take my little family to Valleyfair! LOL
I think it has taken me 3 kids and I still don’t handle messes well! LOL My biggest habit though would be my irrational thinking that goes with my anxiety. I think if I could fully banish those, I would be golden! But, bad habits die hard!
Oh, I hope you’re able to come back for a visit, Leila!
PS. Your “I would be golden” made me smile. 🙂
Oh, my husband and I LOVE Gretchen Rubin! She is such a great author!
I know, right? My husband hasn’t read her books but he’s heard about them quite a bit. 😉
Great lesson to learn. You don’t always get what you want, but you always get what you (really) need. Thanks for the reminder!
Now I’m singing that song by the Stones…
Great post and book review. One good habit that would change my life… I will have to think on that one 🙂
Lovely post! I really enjoyed Gretchen’s first two books (this one not quite as much, but it’s still good). I like the idea of continually improving. I love to learn, but I can easily get caught up into trying to tackle too much at a time. So, I’ve landed on the idea of focusing on one area a month. That way I can continue to feed my mind and grow as a person but also actually have the energy and focus to complete something!
Wonderful post! The habit I think I need to change the most is the tendency to stay up too late. It’s like I get a second wind around 9:00 and start something new instead of thinking of getting some sleep. So that is my goal – to not stay up too late, so the next day is a better one too. Thanks!
I’ve been wanting to read this book!! Thanks for sharing – very insightful. One good habit…that’s hard. I’m working on multiple habits at once. I would probably say, communicating with my husband when I make a decision. I’m bad at remembering to communicate sometimes. 🙁
Love the post! The one thing I would change would be to stop letting my health run my life. I let it decide if I work, how I work, how I behave, eat, drink and everything I should be doing I let it tell me not to. Your post is very encouraging and you are right. We have to want change and I do in fact want change.
Awesome post! And I have a messy two year old (girl) too. It’s just so nice having everything in it’s place and orderly and then letting her get all messy in her little ‘play corner.’ I love it. 😉
For me, it’s challenging myself to stick to my eating plan more strictly. Doesn’t mean that’s no fun… just means that I care too much about my body and my health to keep putting junk in it.
Nah I think #4 should stay book club, there is something magical about great company and great books 🙂
I love this and something I definitely needed to read today. We all have habits and things we wish we could do better, and the thing is-WE CAN! If we really want to, look for our triggers like you said, and overcome. Thanks for the reminder.
You had me at #4 – Lol. Good one, love your sense of humor. In trying to sort through your issues and break old habits or bring in new ones; you’re doing so with grace and a bit of laughter. I think always a good combo.
Your son is adorable and am sure the messes (with time) wont bother you as much. They’ll just turn into good memories; as far as the drinking – have a cold one on me for your birthday. Enjoy!
Now I’m joining a book club!
I love those pictures of your son covered in flour – so adorable! 🙂
Good for you! I have found that recently distinguishing between things I want and things I need and my body needs is so important. You wanted that 10 dollar beer, but your body really did not need it nor would it appreciate it. Its so important to listen to our bodies and realize if we give up some of our “wants” we will be better off in the long run and have more self control and discipline.
My son is also a Nicholas and I have some epic photos of him making messes with dirt, with toilet paper, with flour from when he was younger. Although, each time the clean up took awhile, I look back on those photos and don’t remember the mess. Instead I remember the pure joy and fascination that danced behind his eyes as he explored and made those messes.
I haven’t heard of that book before, but I’ve added it to my ‘to read’ least. Lovely post.
It is amazing how we think we want something so much and then realize it is not all what we remembered it to be. Glad that you felt refreshed with that glass of water.
“I have learned so MUCH about why I do what I do, and I’m learning tricks to overcome bad habits. My overspending, over-eating, over-drinking, OCD-ness about the kids’ messes…”
I could have written that about myself (the overspending, over-eating, over-drinking, OCD-ness part). I would like to learn more about why I continue to allow bad habits to sabotage me. I just downloaded the Kindle version of this book, and I am looking forward to reading it. Thank you for sharing about it. Also, I really appreciate your honesty and openness. I have been in such a funk lately, and I needed a fresh perspective. And a retreat. Heading to a weekend retreat in 2 days! Yay!
Great post! I struggle with letting go of “control”, whether it’s things around my house or at work. I’m learning that it’s okay to let things sometimes. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. I will definitely be checking out that book.
Book Club here I come! 😉 I have found that self reflecting works great for me and has helped me move past some things in my life.
I have not read Rubin’s book but after your review I look forward to reading it. I too am working on being the best me. I am starting to get better at recognizing my triggers. I also started a low carb clean way of eating in September and began exercising. It is amazing how these changes can make you feel so much better.
I would love to develop an exercise habit. I get bored with walking and it is so hard to find the time. I
Glad you remembered to indulge! So important for Moms as we often forget to take care of what we want and need.
Moving because I want to and wanting to much more. I love dancing so I could go to more Zumba classes.