And this week? I need—really NEED—your prayers.
‘Cause this is me, passed out on the stairs.
(You had NO idea I looked so young.)
(I know, right?! It’s my skin cream. Lots of Retinol A.)
Now listen. I’m pretty sure that this blog post will be written in increments because my current window of time could be smashed AT ANY MOMENT and when and if it does…
…and I know it will be…
I’ll have to go.
But if that’s the case, I will come back when I can.
Because blogging is not my primary vocation.
My children are, especially when it gets hard.
this post as we go.]
False alarm. He squawked, rolled over, all is quiet.
Whew. NOT looking this gift horse in the mouth (who does that?) because I’ll tell you true, unknown online friend, I really really need this free time. My husband and big kids have been gone for a week and it’s back to square one, basically, for me as a mother of two little men.
Two little men…two little ladies…
One little man and maybe a dog…
It doesn’t matter. When all your kids are all under, say, the age of seven…flying solo all day is really hard! I had forgotten just how hard it is. HONESTLY. People look at my family—my unbelievably “big” family—and they tell me constantly, “I don’t know how you do it.” The answer, of course, is that I don’t. My big kids do, and my husband helps. It’s a joint venture! And lots of grace!
Too many people call it quits after two because they can’t imagine—or they imagine wrongly—how much harder it’d be with more crumb snatchers on hand. They freak out and decide that they are DONE.
I’m simplifying, certainly. There are all sorts of reasons for limiting one’s family size, but at the very least I can speak to you from one perspective—that of the overworked, overwhelmed mom at home—in saying it’s hard for the first few years.
It just is.
Unless you’re, like, really into counters that look like this.
Hi, other moms! Yesterday was so fun!!
So here are some lessons I’ve learned this week:
1. When you’re overworked and overwhelmed, just pack up the kids and leave for the day! Seriously, the mess will wait (see kitchen counter above) but your lonely heart cannot. On Monday, we spent the night with my friend. Yes, spent the NIGHT because I’m just that big a wimp. It was a slumber party complete with late-night movies and mid-morning coffee on the deck. There were long walks and lots of downtime; there were [here’s the clincher] lots of other kids to distract and play with mine.
Playdates. They’ve been the key to my sanity.
Another example…
Yesterday we spent the day at Jamie’s. We met at a garden…
whereupon I was two hours’ late.
This brings me to Life Lesson Number Two:
2. Go easy on yourself and on your friends. Honestly, we women can be so hard on one another! We women can be so hard on ourselves. Take yesterday’s get-together as a very humbling example. I got up at four so that I’d be on top of things. I had it all planned! I was gonna do a blog post; clean the classroom; pray for fifteen minutes; pack for our day trip.
Instead, my 19-month-old showed up in the doorway [insert big toddler cranky face right here] and so I tucked him back into my bed and cuddled him…
…whereupon I promptly passed out and dreamed tortured dreams about being late for Jamie’s.
My subconscious has such a sense of humor! I woke up at eight and was supposed to leave at nine; needless to say, we didn’t make that deadline, nor did we arrive at the gardens at the formerly agreed-upon time. (‘Cause you gotta factor in that gas station pit stop. George needed to pee and Cranky Francis needed a sucker.)
Both Jamie and Sarah were ever so gracious, and if they were judging me to pieces they didn’t show it. In any case, they didn’t really need to judge me. I was doing a phenomenal job of that on my own.
There is so much more I could say about this, but I would like to wrap this post up for the day so I’ll close with one last life lesson from my week as a widow:
3. Food and Facebook don’t fill you up. You wanna know how I know this? When I got back from Jamie’s I was really tired. (Tired in a good way but still. REALLY tired.) My house felt empty and the mess, overwhelming, so I got on Facebook for a little “pick-me-up”.
The pick-me-up was not forthcoming, alas. Instead, I got all caught up in someone else’s drama.
Not surprisingly, my Facebook activity didn’t fill me up.
Then all I wanted was a chunk of chocolate, but I couldn’t because of that Whole30 thing. Curse that stinkin’ Whole30 thing! (Not really. It’s been my disciplinary rock throughout the past week–the ONE discipline that I could count on.) I emailed a friend—“These cravings are killing me!” I said—and then, to heck with it all, I went to bed…
…where George and I watched The Sword in the Stone on my laptop.
THAT filled me up and was calorie-free.
* * *
So this is just one story and I am just one mom, a mom who is proof that you don’t gotta be perfect.
Did you hear that, dear mom? You don’t gotta be perfect!
But you should have faith and you should have fun. You’ve got ONE life. Let’s make it count.
[end of post]
[I did it!]
[So can you.]
LOVE this…is there going to be more? I'll have to check back!
I had so much fun yesterday! Your boys are sweet as can be.
I really think (and I told you this yesterday) that us "moms of more than 2", or us "moms of little kids and big kids", really need to have times where we are only with the little ones, just to humble us again, to remind us that it is hard with just 2 or 3 littles. Even 4 without help from the older ones. I didn't feel it was easy til my 5th child came along. And that is not because I am awesome or anything, it's because of the help I had with my well seasoned husband by that time and my older kids. It's the dynamics of the whole family together that makes it work. Yes, there is more laundry, but those bathrooms? Getting cleaned by my older kids. And all those little things I need to get done, they are called "Jobs" or "Chores" by the older kids. Gosh, I sound more like a drill sergeant, don't I? Well, I'll settle for Mom.
We all need support too. We all need someone to just talk these things over with. We all need another woman to say, "I get you".
Love to you my friend!
I can't believe that little baby cries like that, really, you doctored those photos, didn't you?
He is the easiest going little baby ever!!! Such a sweet heart. And little Ne Ne, sweetest 5 year old ever.
I'm back too!! I love how you finished it. And for the record, you were only like 1 1/2 hours late, no big deal at all, really. I've done it myself. We were not judging you, at all, didn't bother us one little bit, except you didn't get to enjoy the garden as much as we did!
You are exactly right, Facebook does NOT make us feel happier, not even a little bit. Now a good movie with the kiddos, that makes a person feel happier!
That sweet little hand in the goldfish, thank you for sharing that cuteness with us.
And thank YOU, sweet Jamie, for being such a kind hostess to the very end. You made a big impression on my boys, you know. She feeds us pizza? Takes us to the mushroom pool? Sends us on our way with goldfish and juice boxes?!
My five-year-old, especially, wants to know when we're going back. : )
Extra prayers heading up for you today. I so know what you mean, when all the big kids are gone, all the work lands on mom. AND there's no one to play with the little ones for just a wee bit of time so I we can get some quiet Yes new moms with kids all under 7 do have it harder than us moms of many. Glad you left the kitchen….that's hard for me but I have been doing it more and more….just isn't worth it. It doesn't get messier by the morning, but my attitude does if I don't get enough sleep.
I feel like we're *just* starting to get in the groove of things getting a little easier at home (not much easier, though…) and I'm still 2 years away from having even ONE 7-year-old! The internet really is a helpful place sometimes, when those of us moms of many (5, 3.5, 20mo twins, and #5 due in November) are reminded by you experienced moms that YES, it does get easier and they DO start growing up, and YES it's hard when they're all little!
My sister and mom keep offering to take my two older kids away for a week or so to "give me a break" and I don't think they can possibly understand just how much more bearable life is when the older ones are around! It's still hard, but it's a lot easier herding cats (i.e. the twins) when I have a couple little helpers!
You do have a busy household, it sounds like! My #5 is due in Nov, too, but my oldest is 9 (and almost as helpful as could be, but not always…). I nodded my head with your statement that taking the oldest isn't a break, it's more difficult! We need them to make the world go round at home, and when they're gone, it's so much harder. Now the toddlers could use a Grandma break and all would be awesome. 🙂
Thank you so much for this blog! I found myself nodding along – older children are a tremendous blessing! (Now if I will remember to TELL them!) Your wisdom – and keeping it real – always appreciated!! ~ Natalie
Another goodie of a post, Margaret!
It's funny because although I most always have my big kids here to help (and they do help), I still often realize that I feel like that 'young/new mom' with just littles with the little girls being so close in age. Even at 2 and 3 I feel like every day is wearing and tiring to me with them. As I mentioned the other day, it also feels so much more different than things did when my two big kids were toddlers.
I agree that getting out with other moms, letting things go and being filled with real life things is a better approach to take. Gosh, God knew what He was doing when he had us wait so long for these girls. He had a lot (and I am guessing still way more to come!) to teach me both in that waiting time and now in raising the two youngest blessings. It's humbling and therefore most challenging in my motherhood.
Again, it was so good to see you and your little men the other day. How sweet are they??!! VERY. I have a short post about it swimming in my head, but the toddlers don't seem to care about my blog posting and have kept me busy. Well, and I acquired two nephews for a couple of days too. It did me well to visit with you wonderful ladies in an effort to get out of this slump I've been in. Loneliness, anxiety and stress are a heavy burden sometimes. The outing was a sweet reprieve from it all. Looking forward to it again very soon!! Much love to your toddlers and enjoy your hubby and older kids when they return home again.
Very good post Margaret – ALL of it. I am getting ready for the big kids to go back to school in a few weeks and dreading not having those extra hands to hold babies. Oh and your comment about Facebook is just spot on. Thus, when I need a pick-me-up I come to your blog instead. 🙂
So happy to read about your time together…great medicine for the soul! You and Sarah wrote about it so eloquently. All so true. My you have a good week filled with the joy of your get-together!