Stranger Things & Scary Smartphones: Part II

How a Hit #Netflix Series is Helping me Parent

This is a 3-Part Series on the Need to Establish Smartphone Monitoring, including (but not limited to) a Stranger Things list of what to do and NOT do.

(You can read Part I HERE.)

Okay, okay, I get it. Part 1 was written eight years ago and you’re thinking…What the heck, Margaret?! Why’s it taken you so long to post Part Two ?!?!

Please don’t yell at me. I’m a tender mom with good intentions and have a LOT of guilt about screwing up. I worry and fret about everything.

Not that you could relate, I’m sure.

Oh and as it turns out in the above photo? Angela was showing Felicity how Pinterest works. False alarm! No frightened emoji needed.

Meanwhile…life. Our life chez les Berns has been playing out in all its messy, chaotic and beautiful ways. 2nd oldest son is back at Camp Pendleton, learning how to drive armored vehicles. Oldest daughter is struggling valiantly to overcome chronic eczema, and has been following (less than enthusiastically) my proposed gluten/dairy/sugar-free diet. Second youngest son just wants to keep reading the 4th Harry Potter book with me and his requests to do so are pretty much nonstop. (“Can we read? Can we read? Can we read?”) He’s the easy one—demanding, yes, but very little pull on my emotional reserves.

 

Meanwhile, life! Who needs one more thing to worry about? Certainly not me or you, and these damnable smart phones take up way too much energy.

Better to just say no to devices?

Better to just let our kids do want they want?

Neither is a good solution.

***

Note to any first-time visitors: I have three—count ‘em, THREE—teenaged daughters, ages 17, 15 and 13. There are mugs, cups and plates ALL OVER THE HOUSE and my bathroom reeks of Pantene conditioner. 

I could not be any more in the trenches.

***

So. One of the biggest reasons why I set aside this series is this: I don’t have all the answers. Heck, some days I don’t feel that I have any.  Just when I think that I’ve got one finger on the problem—BOOM! Here’s a new conflict. There’s new doubt.

It’s an organic, ever-changing worry, like the Upside Down from Stranger Things, which is why I decided to use this show as a metaphor.

Note: If you’re not familiar with the series, you’re not gonna get my analogies. Go watch both seasons and get back to me!

 

Or don’t and say you did.

I will never ever know.

***

Here’s a funny pre-insight factoid: I couldn’t watch the series at first and denied my daughters permission as well!  I blame all the swearing in the opening scene, which I found extremely off-putting.

It was mainly that little cutie, Dustin.

He’s a honey but has a mouth on him.

Here I’m reminded of my own dear mother, who used to come into the room when I was watching Saturday Night Live and make garbled, gurgled, gasping noises. She was always shocked by what (in my world) was simply No Big Deal.

Her morality was not (yet) my morality, and it would be many, many years before I joined her.

So with that said and using my own teenaged memories as a helpful insight…

Ultimately I pushed through all my discomfort, fear & scruples and  agreed (finally) to watch Stranger Things! 

(They loved it. I loved it. Who could have known?)

And THAT is the gist of this second blog post. We need to be parents who push through our fears because you know what?

Our kids are fighting some big time battles and our head-in-the-sand piety won’t change that.

***

Pornography. Sexting. Online Predators. Bullying. We can pretend that these things don’t exist—we can pretend that our own family’s exempt—or we can square our shoulders and stare down the culture.

We can—and have to be—parents who fight back.

***

One of the best things about watching Stranger Things with my girls is that we now have a shared vernacular. Having life “in common” is super important, especially when it comes to parenting teens, so thank you to Netflix & the Duffer Brothers! Thank you, Winona Ryder, David Harbour and sweet little Millie Bobby Brown!

The number Eleven will never be the same.

Each of us had our own opinions about what made the series such a hit—our own favorite characters, our own uniques takes. Best of all (in this mom’s opinion) is that we could talk about life without it getting too personal. We had a shared safe space where we could open up.

Also, as an 80’s girl, I had cultural insights that make me “cool”.

(Not that my girls would want to admit it.)

I found myself taking mental notes as my girls discussed, especially when it came to the various parenting styles. “They don’t have any ideas what their kids are doing,” one daughter noted. “They’re just so clueless!” And they were clueless, at least some of them, which brings me to the following list of Stranger Things dos & don’ts.

When it Comes to Parenting, especially Parenting Teens:

1. Don’t be clueless like Mike and Nancy’s parents. They had a runaway living in their basement and a teenaged boy sneaking into their daughter’s room! Meanwhile, the dad dozed away in the recliner.

2. Do get off your butt like Hopper did! Don’t let your private demons overcome you; put down the bottle and/or close the screen.

My favorite scenes with Hopper are when he’s sitting across the dinner table from Eleven. He looked her in the eye—he talked to her. Yes, their meals were humble affairs but they were a time of bonding and that’s what counts.

3. Do be a badass like Joyce when it comes to defending your kids, though preferably without the wild eyes and cigarettes.

Joyce may be tiny but she is fierce and faces her fears with tremendous courage. She doesn’t stop trying; she never gives up.

***

And on that note, I’m going to close for now! Hopefully I’ll be back with Installment 3 before another 8 months pass quickly by, because Part 3 has some real-life real world examples. Snapchat, Instagram, Pinterest, Texting…it’s a big (scary) world but we’re braving it {together}.

 

Disclosure: As a member of the Netflix Stream Team I receive special perks in exchange for my reviews & blog posts. As always, all opinions are my own!