The small courtesies sweeten life, the greater, ennoble it.
–Christian Nevell Bovee
Do you remember how I said, last weekend, that I was going to go to Mass to pray for graciousness? I arrived at the church during the tail end of the responsorial psalm (Being late is a big problem for me. We can talk about that one in another post) and settled in.
There was a new priest I’d never seen before. He began his homily by saying, “Today we’re going to continue our review of the virtues. We’ve already talked about graciousness…”
Can you believe it?
“…and this morning we are going to talk about courtesy.”
On the one hand, I was exceedingly disappointed to have missed his talk on graciousness. On the other, heck! I’m all ears to hear what he has to say this morning!
He spoke about the types of “courtesy” we normally encounter—the courtesy phones at the airport, the courtesy counter, etc. In these cases, we are extended a courtesy because the giver expects something in return: our business.
“However,” the priest reflected, “Courtesy becomes a virtue when we extend it to those whom can do nothing for us. For example, how do we treat the little people in our lives?”
His words spoke directly to my heart. There are five little people in my life—two sons and three daughters. I know that I am guilty of taking them for granted—of treating them in ways that are inexcusable with the thought that they will always excuse me. I can be impatient, distracted, and quite moody at times…and of course this all makes me a far less courteous person than I’d like to be.
Am I kind when I’m interrupted? Do I turn away from the computer to listen—really listen? Can I pretend that I am not annoyed when my daughter comes over and playfully licks me on the arm? (I failed that test, just so you know. I almost always lose it when I am licked.)
As a home educator, I often worry about what I am not teaching my children. I forget that I am teaching them much more than I’d like to acknowledge, though by the grace of God I can change those patterns…
…and be a more gracious, courteous mom to boot.
Ad Jesum per Mariam,
Oh, gosh, this brought me right back to when I was an assistant teacher at a Montessori school, my boss at one of our meetings reminded us teachers that the children are ALWAYS watching us. Especially when we don’t think they are. To always have that smile on our faces. To always be polite and nice and approachable.
I somehow have forgotten that over the years and with my own children.
Now, 13 years later, I can look and say especially for our own children we need to always be “lovely” or show courtesy, even when being licked or when one of them is kicking and yelling and rolling on the floor at your feet while you are on the computer wanting you to make her breakfast. (yes, this happens quite often, and no I don’t handle it with lovliness)
Thanks for passing that great homily onto us not so courtesy filled mothers.
Margaret,
I'm a faithful reader of your blog, though I don't think I've ever commented before. This post hit home, as I've recently been re-reading "The Hidden Power of Kindness" by Lawrence G. Lovasik. It's not especially geared towards parents, but re-reading it now that I have children has helped immensely in my approach to my thoughts and behavior here at home (and away, but before I always just read it in the context of the professional world, when I wasn't yet married with children). I suspect you (and your readers) have likely heard of the book, but if you haven't, it's a must read. It's split up in several short sections so that you can read two or three paragraphs at a time and have enough to think about for a full day. In fact, I think it's best to read really slowly. So, so good!
Thank you for your blog!
**I don't know if this link will come through, but here it is on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Power-Kindness-Practical-Transform/dp/1928832008/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218211829&sr=8-1
Well, the link above didn’t work, but here is the full title:
The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Handbook for Souls, Who Dare to Transform the World, One Deed at a Time
by Lawrence G. Lovasik
Publisher: Sophia Institute Press (October 1999)
Thank you for the reminder. I am supposed to be working on this and keep forgetting. I have already had three opportunities to practice while typing this comment. Okay, no more computer this morning off to smile at and listen to little people.
Thanks
I had to come back to finish reading this – and comment – because my son appeared at my elbow and asked me to come help him make a train track in his room. I couldn’t, in the midst of reading this, tell him “just a minute” as I continued reading. So – I passed one test today.
Ditto on the Kindness book.
I’ve been feeling like God has been calling me to put those homeschool how-to books that I devour aside (been doing it for 9 years now!) and focus more on growing in holiness myself and with the kids. I haven’t read the Kindness book for years but I am going to pull it off the shelf today and as my husband is always telling the kids…”begin again (like St. Peter).
-Michelle
Isn’t it funny, in a tragic and not-so-funny sort of way, that we treat the people we love the best…the worst?
I read this while Penelope sat beside me emptying my wallet. I didn’t scold her. 🙂
Thank you, Margaret. You always speak to my heart in matters I need to address. You are gift to us all.