One of the things that I determined to do after my “Um” post was to talk to someone about my angst.
Besides you, I mean.
I made an appointment to see a woman trained in Theophostic Ministry. “Theophostic” means “light of God,” and the difference between this method and traditional therapy is that, rather than having the counselor provide the insight, here the facilitator asks God to be the source of truth and healing.
In a nutshell, she (and God) are helping me deal with the lies in my life—which is to say, everything that I believe about myself that is not true.
Well, let me tell you. It’s working. I’ve seen this woman three times so far, and it’s been a long, hard, tear-filled process. After the second session I did not want to go back, but thanks to a hardy nudge from my husband, I did. How did he know that the third meeting would be the charm?
Together we visited a painful memory, and she showed me—in prayer—that Jesus was there. When times are darkest, when life is hardest, Our Lord is there to love us. Anxiety and doubt are not His will for me! It wasn’t then, and it isn’t now.
Needless to say, this was a very helpful realization.
One of the most unexpected perks of this process, I’m finding, is that it’s helping me to be a better parent. In visiting my earliest memories, I am learning all over again what it’s like to be small and vulnerable and head-over-heels in love with your mama and your papa. These little hearts are so very tender, so prone to be hurt by a word spoken carelessly or an angry glance sent their way.
I forget, sometimes, how deeply felt are our reprimands.
Here’s an example. I realized, during the last session, that I have been particularly hard on one of my children. This little lovey has a bad habit, you see, of picking his/her nose and then putting said finger straightaway into his/her mouth. It’s hard to watch, and I have—in the past—let this child know in no uncertain terms that this habit is unsavory.
Which it is, but do I need to be freaking out about it?
I realized that this little person has a nervous habit. I realized that my sharp reproaches were doing nothing to help this little person’s nerves. And I realized that I was not loving unconditionally.
So here’s what I did.
My sessions are held in the same building as a Caribou Coffee. Providence? You betcha! On the way out I stopped for a decaf (with an inch of the real stuff to get me by) and I saw, on the counter, a display filled with fluffy little caribou. (The animal kind, not the roasted bean variety.)
I purchased one for this child of mine. When I got home, it was bedtime—the perfect time for making deposits in one’s emotional bank account, by the way—and we sat on the bed, just my lovey and me, and I apologized for being so hard on him/her. “I am proud of you for trying so hard not to pick,” I said, “And I am sorry for making you feel bad about it.”
My little one listened intently, stroking the fur on the small, stuffed caribou.
“Everyone picks their nose,” I added with a smile. “We just try to do so in private.”
This new little bedtime buddy has since become a favorite among all my children. Most of all, I hope, it is a reminder of Momma’s love to the one that needed this reminder the most.
I’ve talked enough for now. Have a blessed day and remember that you, too, are loved deeply.
Ad Jesum per Mariam,
You have got to send me an email. I could really use someone like that. I’m so glad she’s been such a huge help. Thanks be to God!
Your post is both brave and inspiring. We pray that you and your lovely family are doing well. So glad that this lady is giving a helping hand.
Good reminder, Margaret. Strangely this election has helped me remember who the most important people in the world are, and how important it is to raise them gently and lovingly.
I’m glad you’ve had this aha realization now rather than later. When you knew something wasn’t right, you searched for help and got it. Isn’t life grand? There’s so much fun to be had and be thankful for – and to remember to show our kids this truth by inviting them along with you . . . the best kind of parental love is love that is tangible. You’re creating love memories. God bless!
How wonderful! I am so glad this is helping! And how wonderful for your little one!
Just beautiful. Thank you.
“Everyone picks their nose”!!! LOL I love it, that is the BEST line ever! Thanks for cracking me up!!
On a serious note, this is a really nice post. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Thank-you. Ineed to remember that children don’t think the same way we do and I don’t need to be so hard on them sometimes.
I’m so happy this therapy is working for you and thanks for passing it on to your readers.
What a great post! And a good reminder — I often speak too sharply, and need to be more mindful of my dc’s feelings. I’ve never heard of Theophostic Ministry; it sounds like a good thing!
What a great humbling post Margaret. A great reminder for me and my sharp words and what really matters.
You have a way of putting me in tears early in the morning. Not that it’s hard. 😉
Beautiful post, and a great reminder for me to remember the harsh words and deeds done by my own mother and how I STILL suffer for them sometimes. Our children are entrusted to us, and we should treat them with as much dignity as God does us. Thank you for this.
As I was already feeling horrible about being sharp around my children these past few days, I needed this reminder. Thank you.
You are so very brave, Margaret. God bless you and your beautiful family.
than you so much for writing to me about your talk with your lovey. I stopped and turned off the computer screen and called my little guy over; apologized, hugged, and made a special date with him for this weekend. Thank you! i needed someone to kick me in the rear to make me see what I am doing and how I should be saying sorry and loving a WHOLE lot more. THANKS and GOD BLESS!!!
prayers coming your way now…
wow, thank you for sharing this info, I could also really, really use something like this.. wow!!
Thanks for this post – so full of hope – and I’m glad you’re feeling better. It really is the little things isn’t it – both the ‘nosies’ and the caribou. 🙂
wow! thankyou for the info. now to find one. never to late I guess. thx for the info!!!!!
signed
theresa in alberta
Thank you. As moms, it is so important to remind ourselves that we are not perfect, but yet to try to work for the best for our kids. I know I have to remind myself to think about how I speak to the children when I am frustrated or overwhelmed. Thank you Margaret! In sharing your thoughts, you help us all!
Oh, you beautiful Mama!
Glad you’re getting the spiritual help and peace you need at the moment and thank you for reminding me to love my kids for who they are not what they don’t do perfectly right now.
Love – Joolz
I’m glad you are finding out what we all know, that there is so much love and goodness in you that it shines out from everything you do.
Praying for your journey and your wee one.
Having been to this same healer, I know how well she puts us in touch with God. And how much that can heal those lies we believe– and pass on to our children. I’m glad she is helping you. God bless you.
i’m so glad you’re getting help… been down the same road myself before… it’s invaluable. blessings that you had the humility to know what you needed!
still praying for you!
My therapist and I always pray before our sessions. He is a good Catholic therapist! It really sets the whole tone for what transpires during our time together. I’m not sure he would be considered a Theophostic Minister though. I’m thinking not. Who recommended this person to you Margaret? I’m curious.
Really beautiful posting, Maggie! Very touching — thank you for sharing it.
“Theophostic Prayer Ministry” is Scientology in disguise.
A “TPM facilitator” (Scientology Auditor) leads the seeker (Preclear) through a “session” (same term as in Scientology Auditing) of “guided imagery” and “directed visualization” (“Dianetic reverie”, “mockups” and “mental image pictures”) towards “mind renewal experience” (“Clear”) by dealing with past buried memories that may still be bringing you down today (“Engrams”).
They claim that they seek to bring you to self-responisibility (Hubbard’s “Self determinism”) even as they keep you addicted to more and more “TPM Sessions”.
They call each person’s session a “case” (just like Scientology) and offer “training”, “courses” and “seminars” (just like Scientology) in TPM Facilitating, which is simply Auditing without the E-meter.
I think you’re making a leap there, “ronbot”. In any case, your description of theophostic ministry could not be further from my experience of it.