In Brief: Our son left for boot camp one short week ago, and this mom’s gonna do what this mom’s gotta do to survive 13 long weeks of basic!
Audible, Iced Coffee, Fresh Fruit & Seeds: THIS is a really good way to cope!
First of all, some background for those of you that don’t know me.
I’m a 50-year-old stay-at-home mom of seven—yes, seven—although as of last Monday, we’ve only got five kids at home. As of last Monday! These words bring a lump into my throat, because it’s only been one short week since we said goodbye to our son.
Why is this? you may ask justifiably, and I will respond, very calmly…
My bAby’s goNe oFF and joIned thE MaRiNes!!!
[Insert moment of quiet blubbering on the part of this blogger.]
This is my baby, aka “Jem” on this blog:
And this is my baby when I first started blogging:
Once a soldier, always a soldier?
The ten-plus years have basically flown by!
Also? Please don’t tell my baby that I call him my baby. He will become seriously annoyed, and that sort of attitude’s not good at boot camp.
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Now I’ll be the first to admit that my son has had a much, much harder first week than I did, although it’s difficult for me to admit this because that means thinking long and hard about what these young men (and in the case of Parris Island, South Carolina) women are going through. I know, too, that my thoughts & coping methods might change over the next 13 weeks and that, come Graduation Day on October 13th, I might look back at this post and laugh out loud at my naiveté.
Well, who’s to say? This is where I’m at right now.
And with that as a very brief introduction, I’d like to share with you my personal list of ten ways to cope while missing (truly madly deeply) my Marine Corps Boot Camp recruit. I’ll give the list and then follow up with the examples.
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I am learning as much as I can about the USMC and boot camp.
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I am networking with other Marine Corps moms.
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I am working out daily.
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I am eating clean.
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I’m (gulp) not drinking.
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I am taking the dog for an obscene amount of walks.
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I am chopping down trees to release extra stress (not really).
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I am recalling happier times.
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I am not thinking about all those uncertain “What if’s?”
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I am placing myself directly in the line of
firegrace.
1. I am learning as much as I can about the United States Marine Corps.
This is huge and can be all-consuming. First of all, we’re not a military family. This is all brand new to us. Second, I’ve got five other kids—three daughters, two little men—and a husband, all of whom tend to resent my spending the day on research.
(Which, in truth, is what I want to do.)
So I sneak in some extra learning when I can, in the form of various military websites and books like this one:
…which is really, really good.
Making the Corps has been an eye-opening read, both for myself and for my husband. We’re taking turns and sharing stories at supper; we’re beginning to realize we’ve led a very soft life! Not that we want our home to be a boot camp, but we are starting to focus anew on correcting our family’s bad habits—little things, like picking up after ourselves and interrupting at the table, and big things like not talking back or skipping chores.
We’ll make little Marines of them yet!
Don’t tell Grandma. 😉
I can truthfully say that my life has taken on a somewhat surreal new meaning. The status quo has changed for me and I feel physically & emotionally challenged, knowing that my son’s getting pushed to his breaking point. I want to push myself to my limits right alongside him—I want to be better, stronger, kinder, more supportive—because as his mom, it’s the least I can do.
Which brings me to Coping Method Number Two…
2. I am networking with other Marine Corps moms.
Last Monday, we were told to be at the swearing-in ceremony at 9:00 and to expect a 5-10 minute ceremony. As it turned out, we were there at MEPS for a good four hours before all was said, done, and sworn!
Hurry up and wait! A military mantra.
“Hurry up and wait” is an expression I learned quickly.
But honestly I didn’t mind. I met some wonderful women as we waited whose sons are going through boot camp with my own. They will be one of my lifelines for the next 13 weeks because I do not want to go through this on my own.
Meeting them IRL and on Facebook is a joy.
3. I am working out.
This one’s kinda funny, really, because I’ve decided to get in shape alongside my son. Funny in that, okay, I can’t even do a single pull-up and a 3-mile run takes me 40 minutes (on a good day). This...less than stellar level of fitness would get me booted from boot camp before I started!
The good news is, I’m making progress…and pushing myself physically makes me feel proactive.
It’s something that I can do with my son.
4. I am eating clean as much as possible and would like to drop ten stubborn pounds.
I call it my “fighting weight” and I figure, what’s good for the Marine is good for the Marine’s mama!
Also, because I figure that the learning curve is not steep enough—you know, learning all there is to know about the United States Marine Corps—I’ve decided to take on the Trim Healthy Mama approach.
This is my version of a lipstick-less Vanna White. Also, please note that my cookbook was a SPECIAL edition; yours might not have flowers sprouting out of the top.
What can I say? Pearl and Serene think I’m special.
5. I’m avoiding my beloved red wine for awhile.
The reasons for this decision are legion and will be better addressed in a separate post. Let’s just say that after my mom passed away at the end of April, I’d grown extremely fond of using wine to cope, and this strikes me as maybe an unhealthy dependence.
I mean, who needs Merlot when you got this kid?
Okay, maybe that’s not the best example.
6. I am taking the dog for lots of walks.
I am taking the dog for an obscene amount of walks, as in logging 10-15,000 steps daily.
I wear my sunglasses so people don’t see me cry.
7. I am lopping down trees to release extra stress.
Okay, not really, but I’ve thought about it.
7. I am recalling to mind lots of happier times…
….like hiding out in the bushes to take pictures of my son & his friends.
The few, the proud, the helicopter parents.
I am nothing if not a creepy stalker mom.
Seriously, though, nostalgia can be tricky. I have to be careful about not living in the past because that takes me swiftly away from the present. The past is…past. Let’s make today truly lovely.
8. I’m writing my son a ton of letters and keeping the tone super light & cheerful.
Even though we won’t get his address for 10-14 days, I’ve started a stack of letters to mail once we do. Those beautiful Andrew Wyeth stamps are just for my Jem, and every time I stick one on…
Our Last Meal Together, just Him & Me at Punch Pizza
…I’m lovin’ my boy with all my heart.
And now we’ve arrived at the last two bullet points—the two that were saved as “the best for last.”
9. I am not giving heed to various and sundry dark thoughts.
This one is tricky because my tears come unbidden. The pain of separation…the missing him is real, but I can’t let myself give into the grief because when I do, I start to play the “What if?” game. What if my son gets hurt in basic? What if my son gets sent to war? What if…what if…what if?!
The game starts to spiral downwards from here and that’s why I won’t let myself start to play it. My advice to all you mamas (and dads) is this: You can’t hang onto your babies forever. You give them roots then give them wings, because eventually they become their own people.
God has no grandchildren, is what I’m saying.
The truth is, my son wants to serve his country and he didn’t choose an easy path. I support him 100% in his decision because I know this is who God’s called him to be and I TRUST in God’s plan for all of us.
10. Finally, I am praying a lot.
This is the number one way that I am coping. Daily prayer, daily Mass, the rosary, the intercession of my friends the saints...I’m doing it all and it’s keeping me sane!
Of course, it’s only been a week since my son left for boot camp.
In three more months, all bets are off. 😉
Hi Margaret! Sounds like you are doing well! I can relate! When my son joined the Army National Guard 6 years ago I was doing all the things you are! (Except bringing the dog on long walk, because we didn’t have one at the tim!) see if you can hook up with some more Marine Mom’s on Facebook when you find out his company name. The Army had a Facebook page, and some of us Mons connected and started our own special Facebook Group! We even helped each other out when we arrived at Fort Lost in the Woods! Keep on doing what you are doing! It’s hard and longgggg, but Basic Traing will change your son into a man. Pray to St. Martin de Porres, have faith and cry all you want. And keep writing those letters every day! And when people come over, have them write too!! And keep a diary of what goes on at home while he is away! Sending lots if hugs and prayers! Joan
What a great comment, Joan. I do love you!
I’ve been able to connect with lots of families/moms via FB–two separate groups, one for MN Marine Moms and another for my son’s Battalion. I am very thankful for these connections!
I know that basic is going to transform my son into a stronger man, physically & mentally & no doubt spiritually. It’s hard not to be impatient–I miss him so much.
Margaret, I must have been half asleep when I replied to your blog LOL. TOO. MANY. TYPOS. LOL
Margaret, This is beautifully written. Love the methods you are using to cope! God bless you and your family. We are anxiously awaiting Stephen’s address. Michelle
Thank you for this kind comment, Michelle. ♥
My son has gone the ROTC route at a senior military college. Freshman (fish) year is essentially a 9 month long boot camp while taking college classes. He has now finished his four years of undergrad and has one more year of grad school before he commissions in May. He is currently in Amman, Jordan in an Arabic immersion program, having already traveled to Mongolia and Morocco and did AIT (advanced infantry training) last summer. I could write forever about what the last 4 years was like and what the next years will bring. I am a Corps mom, I am an Army mom. It is part of my identity now. These are my boys. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFq0G0EuW24
Thank you for the link, Karen. I just watched it. Wow! Very inspiring.
Your boys (and you) are in my prayers. ♥
After basic when he gets a post, I’d like to get his address.
No promises but if I find something that is appropriate for a GI and a friend I might send it to him.
I am still in awe that Bev LaBine Fulks sent me a care package when I was in Vietnam. ❤️
Will do, Jim. I think that care packages are best sent *after* boot camp from what I’ve heard. The recruits don’t want too much attention during basic. 🙂
Hi Margaret, love the list. My sister very recently went through this same thing and I do believe would agree with you about it all. One big word of caution as a FYI that she told me. My boys LOVE their big cousin Nick (who is now a Marine) and she asked that they not write to many letters because she was warned that whatever recruit receives the most mail gets picked on unmercifully -ESPECIALLY if they think that it is from their Mom or girlfriend. She was told that one letter a week was appropriate but not to make it a thick letter and not to make it stand out. Sorry 🙁 If it helps at all, Nick made it through and loved it. I keep him and you in my prayers. You can do this!!!
I welcome the advice, Betsy! He did say that he didn’t need me to write *every* day. Maybe once a week and no perfume or stickers! 😉
Our newest ordained priest up here is being shared with the Archdiocese of Military. He is Navy, but a lot of his friend are Marines so we got to hang out with a lot of them recently. Those Marines…they are special people, I know I don’t have to tell you that.
If you need coping method #11: Visit your friend! let me know. We have some visitors coming, but I would love to be a distraction for you at the end of the summer/early fall! I’ll be in touch! Love you!
I hope you’re coping, doll. Let me know when I can send a rosary.
When my now 31 yr old went into the Marines I asked Our Lady to wrap him in her mantel and bring him back safely. He did 3 tours in Iraq and is now married and has two beautiful children! (I even sewed old scapulars into his camo pants while mending them! : ) Our Lord and Our Lady kept him safe!
My son just left for Parris Island this past Monday. . So great to read this!
October 12,2017 I am on day three I still have not received our one and only phone call that he arrived ok Not sure how to handle this right now my emotions are very scared for him and I just want to know he is ok and will be cared for,
Has anyone son left for Paris island on October 10th
Is it over yet ? Is he home safe?
Thanks for sharing! I’m the proud Dad of TWO sons leaving for Parris Island in 3 weeks (Jan 8, 2018). They are 2 years apart, and requested the same ship date. I am SO proud of them!
I’m writing this post because, I don’t know about other Dads, but, I increasingly find myself overcome with emotion…like, REALLY overcome…embarrassingly overcome.
I’m not worried about their well-being at all. I have faith the USMC will care for them the way it has countless others. In fact, if I’m honest, I’m a little envious of the brotherhood they are about to become a part of.
They’re both extremely smart, strong, well-balanced young men. The youngest did 4 years of ROTC in high school, and the oldest studies engineering. They’ve worked out every day for months so they’re prepared for boot. They know what they’re signing up for, and why, and are eager to get started.
What I think overwhelms me is the idea that my little boys are about to really and suddenly be gone. It’s not the physical separation, but the fact that their sweet little faces, with those infectious little smiles will be replaced by the faces of the men they have become when I see them again at the graduation ceremony.
Worse yet, I think, is the role I’ve played as Dad for the past 21 years will be coming to an abrupt end. They won’t need me like they have for so long.
I’ve been very conscious to treat them as adults as they’ve matured, but I secretly still see them as my little boys in my heart. And that’s about to change completely…beyond my control…and it overwhelms me to think about it.
This week at the eye doctor, I chatted with the very nice lady who did my exam about them leaving soon. On my way out, she was waiting for me at the door and said, “I will pray for your boys every day. Please thank them for their service for me.” I smiled awkwardly and mouthed, “thank you.” The words literally would not come out. I went to my car and began crying uncontrollably.
I know we’ll all get through this just fine, and be better for it. I’ve always known they would grow up to make me proud, and grow into incredible men…and now Marines. I think I would just like to hang onto them as my little boys a while longer.
That’s all.
So, thanks for giving me a place to finally let that out. It’s not easy to do…being the Dad, and all.
I completely understand how you feel you’re not alone.
My Son just left for army boot camp this past Tuesday. It hurts so much I miss him so much. I know exactly what to expect as I went to Marine Corps bootcamp myself at that age but it’s not the same. I’m his mother and it’s hard walking by his room knowing he isn’t there. It’s hard accepting it’s time to let him grow up. He sprung this one plan on us dec 24th so we hardly had any time to prep mentally for his ship date. We spent the best few days together before he left but I know he will come back changed. Although the changes will all likely be for the better I’ll still miss the comfort of having him near and always being around to see his smile and laugh. Now he starts his own life and my involvement will be in moderation. I knew this was coming but I had him at 20 and he has been my top priority for the past 18 years. He is my only child and now my purpose changes to allow him more freedom to start his own life. I miss my baby so much. I can still remember him as 5 cuddling up to me on the couch. Seems like it all went so fast, too fast. He has always been bright and independent. He even negotiated a substantial joining bonus on his own. I know he has what it takes to succeed but not a moment passes that I don’t miss him and long for the days when he was always around. The best thing I have or could ever create, my life changing moment. I know I know it had to happen, I should be proud, I know and I am. But it doesn’t make it any easier. I was raised by very distant uninvolved parents. I raised him the opposite of that obviously compensating for what I didn’t receive. Our kids made responsible choices so I guess we must have done a few things right. Tears sometimes just fall from my eyes on their own with hardly any workup as I look back at all the days I had with him and my heart is so filled with gratitude. I guess my purpose in life now is to stay around Incase he ever needs me, be available and give him space. I know I’ll eventually adapt to my new role but he only turned 18 in June. None of this is very easy especially when it happens so fast. Even when you’re a Marine like me as was his father this part still just hurts and is hard
Hi Joanne. Wow! Everything you said is what I am feeling! My son Just left on the 29 th of November 2020. I too walk by his room and cry. This emptiness I am Feeling is so overwhelming. I have 5 children. He is the baby. I was starting to feel ashamed of my emotions. Everyone says I should be happy! This is a happy time! I have lived my life for my children. Now they all have their own lives. I am trying so hard to get myself under control. I never thought I could feel so bad. Yes I am proud of him. He’s a Great young man. I just really miss him. My husband is 71 and he was in Viet nam. I am 62. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I really understand how you are feeling.
Thank you for this article! My son left yesterday and I feel like a fish out of water. I didn’t even get my son’s call. I’m eager to hear what you did on week 2 up to graduation day. I know he’s a better person now.
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Thanks for this great advice/tips. My son left for Army Basic Training 5 days ago, and I heard from him briefly the day that same day but I’m so anxious that I haven’t heard from him since. I know things take time in getting processed, but I’m becoming very impatient ): although I am beyond proud of him for his choice to serve his country, I miss him like crazy. Im also found g a lot of the same coping mechanisms, to include LOTS of prayer, working out, writing letters, and have joined the Facebook page for the base that he is at. Although it’s very tough for his mama, your right about letting them establish themselves as a young adult & planting their roots. Thanks again! It’s nice to have other mamas relate.
Thank you so much for this post. It made me laugh- so needed! My daughter just left for Army boot camp for 20 weeks (OSET training added on for military police). Your post Gabe me a needed break from the crying jag! Thank you.
Thank you so much for this!! I too am a stay at home mom and my son leaves next week for basic. I keep thinking there are no more tears left but they still come. Can you be strong and not cry? He told me I’m not allowed to cry at MEPS. I hope we can stay in touch.
I’m glad we raised such strong sons willing to serve.
Came across your blog, as my son leaves in 5 1/2 hours for Parris Island. Feeling 😁☹😭😟 (guess that is why I cannot sleep) etc…but PROUD! Thank you for sharing and words of advice.
I loved coming across this Blog, I don’t even know how recent it is. My son left for Boot Camp ion 6/18..the first weeks are so hard, so bittersweet. Empty and all that. Now that we’ve rounded the half way point, it’s getting a little easier.
I love your tips! What a great way to honor your recruit while he’s away.
My favorite picture, stalked mom in the bushes…yeah I have lots too. Let’s not discount the stalker video of my son washing his car with his girlfriend and his shirt came off. Lol. Yup, and….ACTION. Bless you MoM
So well…. where do I even start? My boyfriend is leaving for Marine basic training in 2 days. Tomorrow is my last chance to see him and I’m a wreck…. we had originally planned for him to leave sometime in September. About 2 weeks ago they moves his date to this Sunday. He leaves off to Jacksonville this Sunday then Monday he’s gone to Paris Island. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m already emotional enough. I can’t believe it’s already here. It feels like I still need more time. More time to hold on. He’s been my rock for almost 3 years. So having him leave is kinda surreal. Like I’m watching from afar. Any advice???
My son leaves for boot camp in October. I’m crying every day! I don’t let him see how my heart is breaking. I’m so proud of him. Always have been!
I’m hoping this is still an active site, as my son leaves for Basic next Tuesday- and I’m really having a hard time with it. Just by reading this, I feel alot better already about things I can do to “cope”!
My son leaves for Parris in 3 weeks……and I’m proud, scared, nauseous, excited for him and his future…..but mostly scared . I love your 10 points and have thought a lot of how I will spend my days ….worrying, praying, yes…working out, eating better, but mostly worrying. He’s my last baby( all 6’3″ 230 lbs of him)and this is really hard. But I’m so so so proud of him and I know he’s ready. sigh….
Thanks for your innovative ideas
My son left this past Monday for basic training and it’s been horrible on me. All I do is cry and it’s sadness that’s unbearable like I’m suffering a loss. I know they say one day at a time but I don’t know how I’m going to survive 13 weeks. And I hate saying n feeling that because I know he’s going through more then I can imagine.
Well, in a few hours I drop my son off at final MEPS before he flys out tomorrow. We went for a long walk yesterday. I tried to cram in everything I thought I had missed in raising my son. He’s a quiet person and does not show much emotion unless he suffers a wrestling loss. I could no think of what I was trying to tell him until the end of our walk. Then it dawned on me. I explained to him about the various stages and motivations as to why I continued as a law enforcement officer for the past 28 years. I told him I always wanted to be his hero, much like my father was mine. I told him he was now to become my hero, once I drop him at the Airport hotel. I told him I would be too emotional to save this info to the last minute. I feel guilty being emotional over his leaving, but he is my life.
I’ve been very sad, anxious and desperate to speak to my Andrew. I feel like he’s gone from my life and I’m never going to see him. Obviously I will see him in 11 weeks at graduation but the missing him is very intense. I pray constantly but I am not settled. I write him everyday. I just want some kind of connection with him. I feel like I lost him, even though I do not. Just want the pain to stop. Maybe I should speak to someone ? Or maybe wait it out till I get used to him being gone. Thank you for creating this forum ! I’m praying for you and your son ❤️
Hello, I was trying to find something on parents with kids in the Marines and came across your blog. I am a single dad and raised my son by myself. He started bootcamp yesterday in San Diego and I miss him tremendously. Shed many tears and then some. I appreciate your comments of what if? Thanks. I am praying for him, other recruits and parents as well. I don’t know anyone else with kids in the Marines and it is tough right now. Any advise or other resources would be appreciated.
Hi! I know it’s been a few years since this post, but I happened to find it while scouring the internet trying to learn as much as I can about boot camp. My recruit, my son, left just four days ago! I swear I have done or thought about doing most of what is on your list of how to cope with missing your recruit during boot camp! Thank you for validating my feelings! I’m curious to know how you handled the Crucible! 🥺
It’s nice not to know people have made it through to the other side.
I’d love to know what your son is up to now! Take care!
Hi, Liz here. Nice to e-meet you. My only son has left for Parris Island as of yesterday 8/6/23, and I am a mess. Please pray for my son Lucas. He just celebrated his 18th birthday and I have so much to show him still and now it’s too late and I feel like a failure as a single mother. I did what I could but I feel there was more I could have done. I just miss my son so badly..thank you for sharing your story and I pray your son a Marine is happy and healthy and safe alongside you and your family.
Blessings
Liz Simpson
Hi. Send ne an email supermomto6kids@gmail.com. im a mom to 6 kids. My 19 yr old is at parris island too. He left same time. Im Heather
I’m so glad I have read your paragraph.It helps me feel relieved.My son is in marine bootcamp and I am missing him very much.I felt like someone stole my heart into pieces.
I will do what you said in here. Work out same as marines do now and eatuhb