I’m not doing so well right now.
It’s nothing terminal and for that I’m thinking, “Well then, what’s my problem?” It’s everything and it’s nothing. It’s feeling incredibly lonely while being overwhelmingly busy; it’s looking to the Internet for friendship and comfort when the answers are on this end.
It’s wondering how a successful mother does it all. It’s wanting to prepare more healthful, organic food and not having a clue where to begin. It’s making too many trips to the grocery store because when I’m there I can’t make up my mind.
It’s lacking focus and making lists that I lose.
It’s wanting to be the “perfect” homeschooling mom while acknowledging that such an ambition is ridiculous.
It’s drinking far more coffee than is healthy…and overeating…and sleeping in.
It’s having a low libido and seeing my marriage suffer on account of it. (Does anyone ever talk about this? I think we should.)
It’s wanting to be a better wife, and friend, and mother…and failing daily.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m tired of me. This makes blogging difficult! I’m going to try to dig a bit deeper and see what’s wrong, because I know—at least intellectually—that this sadness and insecurity is not God’s plan for me.
When I come back, I’ll tell you how it went.
With love & blessings & a humble request for prayers, (and you’ll have mine),
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