My boys are far less about talk then they are action.
While my three little girls can—and will—fill any given moment with more conversation than a coffee house, my slightly older boys prefer the silence of the sports page and the quiet intrigue of a game of Risk.
When my girls go missing, I need only follow the sound of their voices and I will find them: under the dining room table, perhaps, or in a closet, maybe, but always always always narrating their game with lively descriptions. “You be the mom and I’ll be the cat, okay?” “You be the dog in the kennel and I’ll pretend to put butter on my hand.”
My boys, on the other hand, will wordlessly disappear into the wilderness out-of –doors. They retreat to our backyard fully armed and return only when I fetch them.
Me: “Boys! Did you not notice that it was dark out?”
My boys: “Huh?”
I love it. I love these gender differences and it’s a blessing to have so many different sensibilities to suit my own unique tastes and moods. Do I feel like lace or leg-irons? Polly Pockets or Mars Mission? Sticker books or sword fighting?
Well, lately I’ve been in the mood for war—and the American Revolution in particular. Though the truth of war is horrible, the study of it is fascinating to me. I am thankful for the sacrifices of these men and women at the same time that I feel so safe (and almost cozy) as I read about them. Is that weird? My life is safe and cozy. I am thankful that we’ve won the wars we have and I feel incredibly blessed to be an American.
Ahem. Back to the subject of bonding with my boys. In addition to all the books that I’ve been reading on the Revolution, I’ve been watching one of my very favorite movies of all times, The Patriot.
And I’ve been letting my boys watch it with me.
In general, I quite enjoy any of Mel Gibson’s movies—the exception being the Mad Max series, which I haven’t seen and really don’t feel called to rent—and I will watch them again and again. His movies are violent, yes, and bloody, certainly, but they also have a poignancy and humor that I appreciate.
My boys, it seems, would agree with me. I can get them to do practically anything I want with the promise of a couple of scenes from The Patriot! I’ve needed to edit out some of the more violent content, of course, but for the most part my boys—ages 8 & 10—have been transfixed by the screen and inspired by the story.
They are boys, after all, on their way to becoming men. I do not want to protect them from the reality of war and even when my mother’s heart suggests I do so, my boys will respond with all the testosterone and bravado of their God-given gender.
For example. I was tempted to skip the scene where 15-year-old Thomas Martin was shot and killed. (I thought my boys would be too upset by it.) Instead, because it’s an event that is fairly crucial to the story’s plot, we watched it with my husband (himself an avid hunter and responsible gun-owner).
The boys took the scene in stride, and when the Mel Gibson character emerges from his burning house fully laden with guns and tomahawk, the following exchange took place:
My son: “He looks totally sweet!”
Me: “Huh?”
My husband laughed and then paused the movie to discuss it. “Guns are not sweet and war is not cool,” he told them, and they nodded solemnly in response.
Meanwhile, their eyes were shining.
I know that the desire for heroic action is ingrained in my sons, and their passion for battle comes naturally. I love that we are learning about the truths of war (albeit in Hollywood fashion) together…
…and I love letting my boys be…boys.
By Joe
I really really recommend the Mad Max movies. Really. Haven’t seen them in years, but I loved them.
I agree that these Mel Gibson stories are great, but I am very squeamish about all the blood. I was surprised when you said you liked Braveheart a while back – the only scene I remember is when the girl-love interest gets her throat cut. No, thanks.
Meanwhile, this past weekend, my boys were floating in between their football game in the backyard and watching Gettysburg at our next door neighbor’s house. Sheesh.
My boys love guns and warfare so much…my mother’s heart cringes as they gleefully describe their mock battles. My husband and I worry that they will follow in his footsteps – this is actually a very heavy cross my husband bears: that his career choice would influence his sons to do the same and may cost them their lives.
{sigh}
But I thank God for all the heroes who made the hard choices and gave us (give us) our freedom.
Margaret — just want to say you maintain a great blog!
I also wanted to commend your judicious use of the movie “The Patriot”… despite it’s “R” rating, it is one of those films that I have let my younger but “appropriately mature” kids watch with Mom or Dad. I’ve written about that very topic–media discernment–over at Catholic.Mom.com (Go to: http://www.catholicmom.com/gohn.htm) Your post is a great example of the lessons we can draw from modern movie fare. (Not all movies, mind you, but some!)
Great post Margaret, I have three boys, albeit younger, but they are ALL boy, all three of them. As much as I want them to be docile, they are just boys. When do they grow out of the non-listening stage, or does it just get worse???? Blessings!
Oh this is wonderful! I cannot wait until our son is old enough to watch this movie with us. It has SUCH incredible father son moments!
Great post, Margaret! Gotta love those boys. Now, how do I get me some of those girls?
I really loved that movie too. I did let my older kids watch it and edited out the more violent scenes (but I told them basically what happened so they could learn about human faults and how big mistakes could affect people but teach lessons). It’s been a while since we’ve seen it last. I should go buy it, it’s one of my favorites of all time too. It’s really about sacrifice for the worthy things.
It really was surreal to see the battle coming to their FRONT YARD! It’s so far removed from what we know of war. It’s so hard to imagine our children fleeing for their lives through the woods to safety.
I love hearing about what’s to come for my boys. I have seen so many differences between my kids even at their very young age. My boys seem to have an inborn skill of identifying car types. At age two they will point out a car and name it! Aslynn and I won’t have even seen it. The other day they said, “A Toyota like Grandpa’s!” and Aslynn I were looking everywhere…and then were too busy talking. 😉
And weapons…Aslynn actually plays a recorder nicely. Marcus, well, you can only imagine…
I love your posts. Have I told you that lately?
Yes, Margaret, this is a great post, and may I second what Michelle says?
Hooray for boys!!!!!
My ds is really into the Civil war right now. Loving “Gettysburg” and “Glory”. He hated Gone With the Wind~said it was “cheesy.”
Back when he was obsessed with the Revolutionary war we watched the Patriot a lot.
Have the boys seen “The Crossing” yet? It is pretty good.
I know I’m late in commenting (the stomach bug leaves no room for blogging fun), but I really enjoyed your post.
We’re all boys here, so I can’t compare the raising of the two sexes, but as my guys are getting older, 5 and 6 now, I see how much more their play is focused on adventure and challenge and just boy-ness. It is a joy to watch them learn about becoming a man…but wow, is it different!