In other words:
This isn’t the post I was planning to write.
I have all sorts of resources that I want to share, most of which I discussed in yesterday’s post, but then YESTERDAY unfolded and my focus shifted. I didn’t expect the day to wear me out as it did, and I certainly didn’t expect to nearly hit a woman and her children with our 15-passenger van.
You read that right. I’ll cut to the chase and just put it out there: I was driving too fast and barely stopped in time. It was the woman’s yell that caught my attention; it was her yell that shattered my distraction. I slammed on the brakes with about a foot to spare. I called out, “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry!” I caught my breath and took it all in.
A woman on her bicycle pulling a burly, her little girl on her little bike, peddling just ahead of her mother.
Where would I be right now if I had hit them?
I know this is all a bit dramatic. How could it not be? It shook me to the core. I turned my daughter, the only other passenger in my van, and said, “You realize I was driving recklessly?” She nodded, dazed, and I prayed out loud for that family. “Lord, please send this woman Your Spirit of peace. Calm her heart and please help her forgive me.”
And then, utterly and completely frazzled, we pulled into Walmart to order my daughter’s new glasses.
* * *
Slow down, dear friend. We must all slow down.
* * *
You’ll not be surprised, I don’t really think, to hear that I began a mental flagellation directly following my near-accident. My head and heart were overflowing with a scrolling list of all my weaknesses: my intemperance, impatience, unworthiness…my gunk.
What do you do when those negative voices grow louder?
I admit: I fed them generously. I feverishly added up comments and “likes” to find my “proof” that if I were better, I’d be acknowledged more often.
If I were better, I would be more loved.
* * *
So I guess in addition to SLOWING DOWN, I have another message and it is this: I am sorry for asking for affirmation so much. I am deeply insecure and crave constant feedback, but this is a habit I’m trying to break. Honestly, it is much easier when one doesn’t post on blogs or Facebook because we’re not tempted to seek the wrong kinds of attention…we live happily (one hopes) in the One True Presence; we live quietly so as to hear His voice; and in hearing His voice we recognize the lies.
Life is busy.
Accidents happen.
God is good.
We are so loved.
Your honesty spoke to my heart. Thank you
You’re welcome, Karen. May God bless you & yours. ♥
I SO agree! It’s very, very lonely without the connections, but more peaceful internally.
Admittedly, I love and crave the internal peace. Who wouldn’t? But then, I love the online connections (like YOU) as well. ♥
Margaret – I can identify with a lot of this. That experience would have shaken me to the core as well. I am currently reading The Gift of Imperfection by Bene Brown. It was recommended by my pastor and he spike very highly of it. She talks about how we often hustle for worthiness because we don’t believe we are loveable. But we are. Full stop. When we operate from a place of knowing that we are worthy and loveable just for who we are, we are free to be our authentic selves. I am learning a lot, it has been very eye opening.
My favorite words ever: “But we are. Full stop.”
Marie, you always have such insight, and I am thankful that our time online has led to a real-life friendship.
Blessed be God in His angels, and in His saints, and in His struggling homemakers! 🙂
My cousin and I were talking about negative self-talk and how to squash it. This post touched me on so many levels. Great reminders to slow down and listen. I am glad that ALL of you are OK. Guardian Angels at work! (mine is always busy!!!) xoxo
I firmly believe that I was born on the Feast of the Guardian Angels for a REASON. 😉
I have been in a moment similar to this and reacted the same way by internally berating myself. But, I’ve also been on the other side and remember feeling thankful, grateful and watched over. Life is messy, with or without social media! Peace, Margaret.
Peace to you as well, Suzie. ♥ you.
Thank you for sharing so honestly, Margaret! It is a welcome reminder for me, as I have tended to drive a little bit too fast. Just this last week, I nearly drove through an intersection (albeit a thankfully slow and quiet one,) on a red light! I stopped in time, but just shook my head at how I even managed to do such a thing (and, yes, the man behind me honked!). Major self-chastisement!!! I definitely need to pray about this (something else I don’t do enough of…more self-chastising!). My 21yods made a cd of songs for me to listen to when driving, and the first one is “I’m in a Hurry” by Alabama. I need to take that to heart! Thanks again, for sharing!
I love Alabama and am going to look that song up! Sounds a little TOO fitting, if you know what I mean.
I love blogs. I love reading blogs-it’s my favourite way to spend quiet time away from my busy life and reflect. But I never comment! I suppose its my own insecurities that keep me from it…feeling as if I have nothing really important to add to a conversation. So keep posting, even if it’s just for those of us that like to get lost in a crowd.
Thank you for coming out of “the crowd”, dear Shawna. You are always always welcome to comment!
Thank you for sharing this. I love your blog because you are so very “real” and this is a perfect example. A couple weeks ago I was sitting at a red stoplight in St. Paul and just went. I was alone in my car and wasn’t on my phone or anything of the sort. I was distracted in my own head. Slow down is right. I beat myself up over the incident and ran through every possible “what if”. It took days to forgive myself, take the lesson and move on. Slow down, accidents happen, we are loved. Sigh, repeat.
It’s scary, isn’t it? That our driving around becomes rote?
Maybe that’s the point of these wake-up calls.
I can’t stop thinking about this post. We’re all so often distracted, maybe by a phone call, or a child in the back seat, or maybe just a concern we can’t stop worrying over. This could have been any of us, and I know exactly how you must have felt in that moment, and I know exactly how that mom on the ground must have felt, too. This could have been a terrible story, but it’s not. It’s not. And I’m thanking God and all the saints and angels for all the times we’re protected from committing or becoming victims of moments of distraction, for all the times the story turns out well. Lots of love, Maggie.
I needed to hear this. For me, it’s a good reminder to focus on the present moment, instead of worrying about what’s next. The awareness of His presence in every no moment of our lives. Thanks for your honesty.