My husband returned from a 3-day trip last night, bearing a box of chocolate truffles.
His gesture was so sweet that I instantly forgave him for being out of town on St. Valentine’s Day! At that point I unfastened the deadbolt and let him in.
I’m kidding. I was not angry with him because it wasn’t his fault that he was out of town. It was his employer’s! What kind of heartless boss sends a happily married man out of town on Valentine’s Day?!!
That’s just wrong.
So now I have a box of truffles waiting on top of the fridge for Sunday. I have not specifically given up chocolate for Lent, but it seems to me that I shouldn’t be eating extra treats.
Not that my body knew this yesterday.
The first full week of Lent has been most difficult, my friend. So I did not eat meat on Friday. Big deal. I helped myself to everything else in sight, including chocolate. If I wanted something, I had it. Good thing that it wasn’t an “official” fast day!
Still, the guilt was throbbing.
Why must I be so incredibly weak? There was a time—I know you know this—when people gave up pretty much everything during Lent except kidney beans and breadcrumbs. No eggs, no dairy, no sugar…what’s left? We are given so much more freedom now and perhaps that’s the root of my problem.
I’m a soft & squishy American.
Even worse, I’m (confession time) an emotional eater. You can bet that those “official” fast days nearly kill me because my crutch is my omnipresent cup of hotness or that odd bit of crunchy saltness.
How did Our Lord do it? And for forty days, to boot?
Now then. My point in admitting to all this is not to have you pity me for my failings. And it is not about treating Lent as an opportunity to lose weight. I know that’s not the point of this holy season and yet, I also know that there are emotions and sins at the root of all this eating.
Every year it’s the same old thing. I get to Good Friday and feel I’ve blown it.
Again and again and yet again.
Ad Jesum per Mariam,
*Updated to Add: For a beautifully optimistic complement to this post, please take the time to read Kathryn Mulderink’s “Can a mother observe Lent?”
This was me yesterday. I was shopping with my father, skipping the bacon and turkey, but placing a box of decadent chocolate chip cookies in my cart. I had FOUR (they were big). And no we shouldn’t use Lent as weight loss motivation – which is a temptation for me every year as I know I’ll have to wear shorts to our Easter picnic. This comment is all over the place and just me saying, “I understand exactly.” Especially the part of getting to Good Friday feeling like I failed. We still have thirty more days to get it right.
Oh Margaret, we are truly sisters of the heart! You have written what I would have been too afraid to write. What an amazing person you are and so brave even though you might feel weak. You are humble and honest in a way most people couldn’t even dream of being. That might be the path to holiness that Our Lord has chosen for you!
XOXO
Matilda wrote exactly what I was thinking (and feeling). You are so very humble in admitting all of this. God bless!
So you didn’t avoid all the food (except meat). Did you deny yourself in other ways? Did you really want to post here, but instead you read a story to your little one?
The fasting in Lent isn’t necessarily about food. As a diabetic who cannot really give up much in the way of food, I have experience in these things. Instead of beating yourself up about how you were in the goodies, take a look back each day and see where you WERE able to deny yourself, to give up something you wanted. Me, the big Lenten sacrifice is the radio…no Wild games!
Hang in there sweetie–you’re doing better than you think!
You’re not alone my dear –not by a long shot! But the fact that you are thinking about it and it bothers you. . .that’s a good thing. Really.
Love ya!
I agree with everyone here. Also, I have to say, your “Make it count” exhortations at the end of some of your lenten posts were quite an encouragement for me. Whenever I felt tempted, I remembered that, and was inspired to persevere.
I know you will take this sorrowful realization you had, turn it into a beautiful bouquet and hand back to Our Lord with renewed fortitude.
Thank you for your humility and inspiration!
🙂
Hang in there, keep trying, all we can do is try. We are weak. We are human! Your life is full of lent, you are a homeschooling wife and mother and humble enough to admit it’s hard.
I gave up diet coke and what did I do today? I had diet pepsi instead!! bad, bad!! Now what kind of sacrifice is that? Yes, if I had the choice I would have had diet coke, but weak, weak! I guess I won’t be able to have “the real thing” tomorrow!
trying something, sorry.
Fasting and abstinence has never been hard for me before. But this year it is KILLING me! I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned being an emotional eater. That is SO ME. My emotional roller coaster of late is “eating away” my Lenten resolve.If I keep it up I may not be able to fit through the church door come Easter Sunday! Some fast, right?
I have the same problem, but you know what I realized a couple years ago? That this is what Lent is for…for making us realize how soft and squishy we are, spiritually. For making us take notice that we can’t even give up a simple “good” without falling, or without overly indulging in something else, to take up that space. To realize that we’re depending on things and not God. To make us realize that God is all, and we are weak.
And it is when we are so weak that we look down and see Jesus in the dirt, because He made it a point to fall further than any of us ever could, so that we will have the strength to lean on Him and let Him raise us up.
I love Lent…because it is this season that makes me see that I am such complete dust…and Jesus died for me anyway.
I don’t know if that will help you, but it helps me, and it makes me want to try harder. Each year seems a trifle better…sorta. And then I fall again. And again. And again…
Thank you, Margaret, for this post. I am a new Catholic, and this is my first year of really “doing” Lent. Sometimes it is so, so hard, and I can relate completely to everything you said. But look! Now you have all these wonderful comments from your readers. What a wise bunch of ladies. I hope their remarks have boosted your spirits as much as they’ve lifted mine. Thank you all! I now feel a renewed purpose in my Lenten journey.
It is difficult isn’t it?
You know, as a mother of 7 in 8 years, I am always pregnant or nursing during Lent. That’s how I always justify the need for extra calories (whether they come from ice cream or beans doesn’t seem to matter). I know it is wrong and I always feel guilty and yet I struggle every year with the same issue. We’re human and we need to keep trying.
Love you.