…does a person have so much extra stuff! Can you believe it?
A sizeable donation, no? We do this three times a year.The key word here is “extra”. For the past four months, these bags have been sitting in my basement and—confession time—hanging from the doorknob in my laundry room, which is a handy (if not aesthetically pleasing) place to keep my “give away” bags once I have filled them. What can I say? I need to keep these bags accessible…
…‘cause I got lots of stuff to give.
I hate that my life’s so cluttered, though. I’m tired of the bulging drawers and crowded bookshelves, and I’m really, really tired of picking it all up when it comes spilling out. I’m not the only one who tidies up around here, of course, but I am clearly the only one who gets upset when things get messy.
Which they do. With alarming and overwhelming regularity.
I could be quite happy in a monastery, I think. Give me a handful of books and a journal, and I’d be good to go. Oh, and don’t forget the crucifix on the wall.
Or I could just go live with Kristen. Now that mom could teach me a thing or two about decluttering! By the end of this beautiful post of hers, I was literally in tears. If you haven’t read her post yet, please do. I’ll wait.
I want a simpler life like that; I really do! Because some days I can’t catch my breath for feeling smothered. If asked, upon my deathbed, what was the sum of my existence, I do not want to respond, “picking up.”
And so this summer we’re cutting back on all our stuff, my friend. We’re not the first and we won’t be the last, and I’m almost certain I’m not the only one who’s getting the guilt trip from the kids for giving away all their small treasures.
I’m sure these guys just love it when the kids come out to Oh, and if it came with a meal marked “happy,” forget about it. I mean that literally, now. Do your best, kids, to just forget about it.
But they don’t forget, and that’s the problem.
I tried to keep the front door shut so that the kids wouldn’t see the donation. As you can see in the photo above, though, they found me out. If only I’d used black bags!!
Because we had no sooner gone back into the house than my four-year-old burst into tears. I’d given away something special, it seemed. The purple lion purse. The one she loved.
And I’m thinking, what don’t you love, Honey? Between Felicity and her sisters, they must have a dozen bags, packs and purses. If they can fill it, they will come.
So I expected some disappointment when I gave away the small plastic purse that had (I might add) been lying untouched on the basement floor for the past three months.
What I didn’t expect was all the sobbing.
Has tears, will use them.At this point my mother-guilt went into overdrive, and when Felicity then launched into a rapid-fire list of accusations—in the past I’d given away this fabric dollhouse and that life-size ballerina and she remembered every. single. item—I couldn’t take it.
I started crying as hard as she was.
It was, shall we say, an awkward moment.
It’s hard for us to be detached from our stuff. It’s hard to say goodbye to it. For me, it’s a fear of letting go, especially of the memories.
It’s a fear of the children growing up.
And ultimately (I think), it’s a fear of loneliness and of not being loved.
In my house, we could all stand to learn this lesson: we are loveable without our stuff.
Only in America does a person have so much that’s “extra”.
Only in America is she such a wimp about getting rid of it.
I caved at the last minute and pulled these purses from the “to go” pile.Yes, I know: I am a big huge sentimental thing when it comes to cuteness.
Ed. Note: on a hilarious note, as the girls were watching me work on this post, Cate sighed and said, “There’s Felicity’s purple lion bag.” I realized then that she had not been crying over the little plastic purse from the basement but rather, that big purple sack from Creative Kidstuff! (See top photo) What kid gets attached to a paper bag?!! You see that I’ve got my work cut out for me.
I used to get rid of the kids toys while they were in the bath tub. Sometimes they noticed, sometimes not. Now, they do it themselves. When they clean their rooms, they take two bags: one for trash, one for Goodwill. If they don’t play with it, no sense storing it in their small rooms! They do fine, but Rosie is attached to every single little scrap of ribbon or torn paper on her floor! I still clean Rosie’s stuff while she’s not looking. 🙂
I often think I should be able to live “Little House” style. But I’m glad I don’t have to. Ma didn’t have much, did she?
Quite honestly, one can’t have too many Hello Kitty purses! Mine (note- mine, not my daughter’s) is hanging near the front door.
I’m working at seriously decluttering my house one corner at a time. It sure is liberating to let the stuff go bless someone else.
Every time we move, some things get “lost” and never found. Convenient. I have my husband distract them and then I load the car. And I use black bags.
I’m feeling the same way right now. Too much stuff. The place will never be clean or organized if I don’t purge. I need to free myself of these attachments!!!!
Way to go!
Great post! So true! Since we have de-cluttered (44 bins in storage, filled with toys, clothes for 4 kids up to age 7, blankets and wall pictures) We took 4 loads like yours to Goodwill (we also do this every season) we have not missed anything. I am afraid when we move of getting cluttered again. Really we should give all away that was put in storage. I do have to admit, even after decluttering, our closets look nothing like Kristens though. Well, no one can say I did not try!
Oh Margaret, bless your heart! Don’t worry, your children will all too quickly forget about their extras, and will enjoy what they do have. And they will know the satisfaction of helping someone else.
Do not think I have done things the right way. As I said, my tendencies are on the opposite end of the spectrum, which cannot be good. Extremes on either side are not desirable, but rather somewhere in the middle is the best place to be. For myself, I hope to strive to lean more your way to get there!
God bless you!
Kristen’s post has been weighing on my mind lately too. And while I easily live sparsely for myself, I have a difficult time with my daughter. I too have problems with the cute factor. I really thought about Kristen when I was picking up two darling Lands End dresses and a jacket from the sale rack at Sears the other day. Darn that Satan — he got the best of me!
We also fight this same (losing) battle, but fight it bravely and with a never-say-die attitude.
Girls are the worst when it comes to “loving everything” and the guilt we mommies feel can be crippling.
One thing I know for sure is that I fall too easily into the trap of thinking that the more stuff they have…the more opportunities to be creative. Wrong! When the toys are overflowing, they never want to dig to the bottom to see what is there. They play with the same old toys at the top over and over again.
One way we help the separation anxiety is to do a purge with two boxes. One for the Salvation Army and one for the garage. Anything they don’t play with, but love too much to part with goes into the garage. After about 6 months, I pull those boxes back out and see what they oooh and aaah over. The stuff they love the most gets rescued from the box and anything left gets donated. Baby steps, I know.
All children are different and some will lament longer the loss of a precious treasure. I do believe that eventually, time and maturity aid the healing process. Kristen’s post did speak to me on a certain level. I am trying to glean from it what will work best in my house.
Moderation is key! Oh, and black bags too!
I concluded the other day that the best way for me to pare down will be “one in, TWO out.” It won’t work for everything but it will make a big difference in books and clothing!
Are you sure you’re not writing about me? Yesterday, I told the kids we were going to get rid of toys. I apologized because I know how hard it is for my son (his attachment to keeping things just the way they are) but I told them for my sanity we needed to. Surprisingly, they all agreed–probably to get me to shut up, but there it is.
Now, I think I have a good way to ease into this by using Matilda’s method.
You are such a gifted writer–I just love your blogs (one of my must reads every day).
Not only in America – I have the exact same problem. Stuff. Everywhere. And however much I get rid of, more appears (not that I get rid of anything like as much as I need to). This summer I am determined to declutter. I cleared out three bags of baby clothes today to take to a friend who just had a baby. But how on earth did one small baby end up with so many clothes in the first place? Where does it all come from?
Margaret- I love your posts. You make any topic highly entertaining to read about.
I go on several decluttering bursts per month. I do it during nap time usually. I’ve gotten most things safely out of here.
But for me it’s my husband that stops me! He is quite convinced that the children really need stuffed goose and stuffed rabbit. In fact, don’t they need at least one of each stuffed animal variety so they can have a complete zoo?
Margaret, thank you for your posts! They are wonderful. Simplicity, simplicity… If only we could all live more simply! I’m convinced it’s like going on a trip–the fewer the items, the smaller the suitcase, the lighter the load, the happier the journey.
Another guilty Mommy here!
I go on rampages when the clutter gets to be too much, and I have the kids pick out things they can say goodbye to… and then I pack it up and move it to the attic. After a few months, if no one has said, “hey, where’s my [whatever],” I take it all to Salvation Army…. and I use the heavy duty black garbage bags. That way no one knows what’s inside… If they don’t see it, they don’t miss it!
I throw away and I throw away and I throw away some more, and STILL the house feels cluttered to me.
My mom assures me that the day will come when the clutter will be gone… and I’ll be missing all the little ones who used to leave it all on my floor!
Hey, I recently added a news widget from http://www.widgetmate.com to my blog. It shows the latest news, and just took a copy and paste to implement. Might interest you too.
Bravo, Margaret!
I have tons of cheap plastic toys that need to go down the road. When I watch what my boys really play with, it is the things that spur make-believe play: a stick horse, a cowboy hat, and a gun. All. day. long. So, why keep all this other junk?!
Thanks for the inspiration (you AND Kristen)!
This has got to be the funniest decluttering post I’ve ever read. Thank you. You reminded me, that I need to get off this computer and get back to work!
I’m glad to read that I’m not the only mom who is trying to simplify this summer…and having a hard time letting go…even though I know I’ll be happier with a lighter load.