On Leading a Horse Stubborn Mule to Water

Alternately Titled: When Family Fun Comes Undone

You might think, judging from the photo, that this post is about my Naughty Nicky, who is two-going-on-21 and whose activity of choice is pitching heavy objects and whose favorite words are “Smash!” and “Bang!”

Not even kidding. He uses them frequently.

And then add to the (very chaotic) mix, a goofy and enthusiastic big brother…

(Those are qualities I like, by the way…)

And you have 2/3 of my little homeschool, which is then topped off and completed, as it were, by my other blonde viking, who is 80 parts smart and 80 800 parts stubborn…

 

 

…and who, as I like to both claim and blame, takes 100% after her father. 😉

 

I’m not referring to them, however! Not today, anyway. Today I would like to talk about teens, and about how to lead them to the Lord.

HE is the water; they are the mules.

I cannot make them drink, you know?

More and more, and even more and more, I’m learning to pull way back from coercion, and to invite–not insist–that they go to Mass with me. I’m talking daily Mass right now; of course we go to Sunday Mass as a family, but are they drinking deep from the living well when they go?

I can’t say, but I can encourage.

I can try to model what love of Him looks like.

Their relationship with Our Lord is EVERYTHING. Truly, we can teach our kids every last catechetical bit, but if they don’t learn to love Jesus Christ…if they don’t know Who He is or why they should care…then it’s all dross.

And the tool that we use to teach them is love.

I’ll give you an example from my life this week. I’d planned a fun outing with two of my teens, whereupon I picked them up after school and we went downtown. On my agenda was 5 p.m. Mass at the Cathedral, but it turns out this wasn’t at all what one of them wanted.

The one was game but the other said no. “I’ve got too much homework. I need to go home.”

Now, I really struggled with this decision–I mean, we were right there, I could have forced her–but instead I said, “Fine.”

We left the lot and we drove home.

Yes, I was hurt and mad and fearful. “What does this mean?” I found myself thinking. “Where is her faith? Where have I gone wrong?” This is exactly what the Dark One wanted. He wanted me to be accusative and angry; he wanted me to punish her.

Instead, and this was so so HARD, I offered her a piece of candy from the shop we’d just visited. I told her the story about fitting the biggest rocks in our jar, and then I stopped talking. I just drove. “At least I can listen to Relevant Radio!” I thought, and promptly tuned into the Sheila Liaugminas  show.

As it turned out, her guest was one of my very favorite speakers, Dr. Meg Meeker of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters  and The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers fame.  This was a consolation, anyway! I settled in happily for the remainder of the drive, and smiled (ironically) when they started to talk about raising teens.

“It’s no mistake that you’re listening right now,” Sheila Liaugminas said. “The Holy Spirit has everything to do with it!”

Wow, right? God is so good.  He filled my heart apart from the Mass.

Dr. Meeker spoke passionately against fear-based parenting and how we should guard against it, come what may. Her words are always so encouraging, especially her advice to make hope a decision.

Many of us mothers get stuck: worrying about what’s going wrong or what has gone wrong. We get bogged down living negatively. How do we change this? We start by shifting our mindset from constant negativity to more positive thinking.

When we choose to think more positively, we act more positively, we speak more positively. and ultimately, we feel better about life.

(Quote from Dr. Meg Meeker’s website.)

 

Yes, our children disappoint us. No doubt we disappoint them too! And yet it’s in the family that they learn love; it’s in how we love them that they learn to love God.

That’s my hope, anyway! I’m sticking to it. : )