“Why are you so crabby all the time?” My daughter stared up at me, flushed and frustrated.
In her defense, I had been.
Her words struck my heart with the force of an arrow.
Yes, this daughter knows which buttons to push. Yes, she fights constantly with her brother and tends to Argue First; Obey Later. But she’s nine! (No, ten. She just had a birthday.) She’s nine and I’m…not. Rather, I’m the mom.
And I’m thinking, That’s not how I want to be remembered.
So I promised advice in the title of this post and here it is. This is how I’ve tried to combat those bad moods and when I’m really frustrated, this is what I do.
1. I smile. I smile a lot. Sometimes, when I’m really upset, this probably makes me look demonic. Like, her eyes are wild but still she smiles! Creepy. In general, though, I think that a smile’s much better than a grimace.
2. I pray. I pray a lot. Often this means stepping away from the dispute. “Mom needs to go talk to God right now. Momma needs Jesus Time. I’ll be in my room.” Almost always, my peace is restored and I return to the problem with a calmer heart.
3. And finally, I apologize when necessary, and it usually is. “I’m sorry for tugging your hair like that. I’m sorry for using that ugly voice. I’m sorry for sticking my tongue out at you.” (Yes, I did. How immature.)
We can’t go wrong with being kind, even when dealing with fractious kids. Also, and this was an indictment for this multitasking mom, I read in a prayer book that anger and impatience stem from self-love. We resent our kids for interrupting our day when, in fact, the interruptions are our day.
Smile. Pray. Apologize. Repeat.
And then laugh at the rock art and move on.
The Announcement: I will be on Fox 9 News this coming Friday, making a batch of Buffalo Mac & Cheese. Did you know that Saturday is National Buffalo Mac & Cheese Day? Well, now you do! It’s a live segment starting at 9:30 a.m. and I’d be ever so grateful to be covered in prayer. Thank you!
One of my most heartbreaking moments was when my former 5 or 6 year old son said, "Mom, how come we never see you smile?" After that I had what I call, "my summer of Dobson." I've found that to be maddeningly true about the self love. I still mess up all the time, but you're right, a smile makes it better. It's always good to hear we moms are not alone in our struggles. (ps. I've stuck my tongue out at the kids before too.)
Dr. Dobson does a heart good! I've totally been there, Gail. I am always better for reading Dobson.
You know, when I struggle with bad moods I often just become very, very quiet (praying silently). This either freaks the children out or occasionally there is such chaos going on they actually don't even notice it. I like the idea of smiling better – that I could do. And yes, I will be praying for you on Friday even though I know you will be awesome!
Betsy, you're a sweetheart! Thank you for the prayers. ♥
I'll be covering you with prayer. I cannot be the one that is in a bad mood, it turns everyone into monsters in this house. BUT I do notice that all my kids multiply my bad virtues….characteristics….Why can't they do that with the good ones?
I'll be covering you in prayer…my holy hour is the night before!!
I can't imagine you in a bad mood, Jamie. In a giddy mood, certainly. One that even–gasp!–watches reruns of The Love Boat. ; )
Yay! A post from Margaret! Now, that made me smile! Laura in Kansas
Thank you, Laura. ♥
Praying and will be watching 🙂 I have 1, no 2, that seriously push my buttons harder/stronger/faster/more frequently than all the rest combined. I try to remind myself those 2 kids need help growing because they are the ones who often push EVERYONE'S buttons easier. Family still loves…future co-workers of theirs may not 🙁 I love your ideas….sometimes I have to pretend they ARE NOT my kids…because I wouldn't be so crabby to someone else's kid. Isn't that terrible? But on a really bad day at least they are seeing the smile but not knowing what's going on in my head.
That's the thing. We want them to be better for their future selves' sake! This is certainly not about, I don't know, having them be tolerable in the present moment. ; )
Are your button-pushers creative & smart? I find that the brighter they are, the more bored they get, and the more bored they get…
Never thought about that….Yes…I would say out of the entire 8…those two are my brightest in so many ways…. Interesting connection 😉
I would also say one of the children has always seemed "hormonal" even from a very young age…which has always made me wonder if there isn't something more to it than simply attitude 🙁
Prayers for the show. You'll do magnificently, I'm certain.
I'm a cranky mom, as well, but I justify it (because I also am that mature) by saying my daughter is cranky as well. They can be cranky, but mom can not? Sorry, sister, that just doesn't work. I don't think they will remember you as cranky because, well, my oldest child, who qualifies as a full-grown adult, still calls to talk and pops in to see us. If I was that bad he would have moved out of town by now, right?
<3
Barbara, that's a consolation, especially with my oldest about to fly the coop.
Try singing 'Let it go, let it go,' then walk away….
I think I will! Even better if we're, like, in a store…
I, like many I'm sure, have one of those naturally not-smiley faces. I always look mad or sad or frustrated when I'm really not. So even when I'm in a pleasant mood, I don't appear to be. I don't like it and all through high school when a teacher or one assistant principal in particular would pass me in the hall and say "Hey, SMILE!" it got annoying. I know I'm crabby a lot and I feel guilty about it plenty… especially with the one son that pushes all those buttons. I try to smile more too… hopefully that'll help. Thanks for always bringing the honesty Margaret 🙂