So. Given the tremendous angst I felt after acknowledging my depression last Friday, I’ve discerned that it is God’s will for me to talk about this. Why? Because I’ve since gotten some emails affirming the need for this discussion, and I think all that doubt was a spiritual attack.
It’s much easier, you know, to not talk about depression.
It’s easier, say, to blog the baby.
Is that or is that not a Gerber Baby smile? Totally Gerber! Cate took this picture (with her Nexus 7) at the doctor’s office this morning, where she’d come to keep me company during my 6-week postpartum visit.
Really, though, she was there to keep her brother happy.
Which she did. As you can see.
Angela, then, found no end of amusement in editing these photos.
You’re getting, perhaps, a strong sense of Angela’s sense of humor?
In any case, I spent quite a bit of time this weekend wondering if depression was too heavy a subject and worried, frankly, that it would estrange me. (Does being strange = being estranged? Just thought I’d ask.) After all, the Pioneer Woman never talks about such weighty topics and she has hundreds of thousands of readers.
Of course, she also gives away Kitchen Aid mixers and iPads.
Hmm.
Ultimately I came to the conclusion that this blog—my blog—must be a mix of the fairly lighthearted and very real, because that is my life and the way that I see it.
So stay tuned.
If you want.
You never know when I might give away a mixer.
Margaret, part of the reason I like reading your blog is because it is honest. You don't overshare, but you make sure to not hide the ups and downs in your life. For those of us in the trenches, we need to know that someone else is going through what we are going through. Thank you!
I think depression should be talked about, but it's hard. It's hard beyond just the admission. It's knowing that someone else looks at your life and can't figure out why on earth you should be depressed. It's hard feeling that people don't want to hear it. And if it comes about again, even the people who were open to hearing about it certainly don't want to hear about it again! To be clear, these are things in MY head about why I shouldn't talk about it. These things are what make me more grateful to people who do talk about depression. A shared load is a lightened one. Thank you.
Spill it sister, we want to hear it 🙂
Your blog is my all time favorite. I go to it first in my reader when you update. Those "perfect life" blogs don't do anything for me – I never win the mixer, and they leave me feeling "meh" about reality.
The truth? I come away from your blog with some laughter, feeling uplifted even through your struggles, and spiritually edified. I'm not even a Catholic, but there is something special about what you do here. Your blog is worth 10 Kitchen Aid mixers!
I think it's good to talk about depression. It's something that Christians don't really want to talk about. But the reality is that in this imperfect world, in our imperfect bodies, somethings things just aren't right. It's not a lack of faith – if we all had perfect faith, the world would be a totally different place. It's good to acknowledge that there are dark times, and dealing with them is not easy, but even in those dark times, God is there and will get you through it.
You're a tremendous blessing!!
*should say someTIMES things just aren't right. I will never be a millionaire blogger with these typos! ha!
Oh Margaret! I have been blogging about babies and kid quotes because I just don't know how to write about the real stuff. If only I could express it as beautifully as you do!
One of the MANY reasons we love you, your honesty and beautiful humility.
"It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels." ~St Augustine
Maria
Oh Margaret. Sweet, sweet, Margaret. You have been on my heart and mind over the weeks. As I've always said here, I appreciate and treasure the honesty. Your laughable moments and your true reality are very much a part of the reason I read here. In your own good time, when you are ready and have the time, we'd love it if you gave away a mixer.
Or an iPad.
Until then, know that you are not alone and there are some of us who may keep hidden what we dare not speak. While I cannot say that I know exactly the feeling of depression or what you are going through, only I (and my husband) know the anxiety and turmoil that swept over me a good portion of this last year. I am not at all comparing, but I know how often I chose not to write about how stressed I was, how sad, how overwhelmed and alone I felt.
You've got guts, Margaret. You've got faithful followers and friends who would gladly read your story if you are willing to share it.
Know that you are in my prayers and if we were just a wee bit closer, I'd run over and give you a big {hug}.
Thanks for being you! Your little one is precious!
I think you have one of the most "real" blogs. I don't know a lot about depression, but I do know that everybody goes through some down times. I hope through your writing you not only help yourself, but others who battle depression. God bless, Ann
That's it, I'm just reading til I get my mixer.
Just kidding.
Tom has been suffering the very worst this year. I don't write about it, because his family reads and it affects our own family in every aspect of life and daily living. he got one of those lights and it has done nothing. It's hard to be the spouse who does not have it too. A helpless feeling. It does do you (and him) good to talk about it though. It helps a little and some days a little is a lot.
You are in my prayers Mags.
Even if you don't give me a mixer.
I think that the more people talk about topics like this, the more likely others will be to see themselves in the article and get help. You go girl.
Oh Maggie,
I've been there with post-partum depression, and depression runs in my extended family. Please DO write about it when you feel the time is right. If nothing else, you'll have concern and prayers from your online friends, and that alone will help you so very much.
I suffered in silence for almost two years. My husband knew things were not 'alright,' my older kids knew too….. but I got really good at masking it from most every one else. Not a good thing to do. There a large blocks of time that I cannot even remember – like months of two of my babies' first and second year. And being severely depressed, of course I did not take any pictures…… A sad time for sure.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Talk about it, when you feel ready.
Love that little girl's sense of humor. She's so much like her Mama!
Btw, if you aren't giving away iPads or mixers, I just might not pop in her anymore. 😉
Blessings~
Yes, please talk about it! We met a couple of years back at the homeschool conference in St. Paul. This past July I gave birth to our stillborn daughter at 26 weeks. Oh my. I thought I was doing pretty well but this past couple of weeks have me thinking again. I'm pretty sure there is a name for it…oh yes, depression, that's it! Please share, it's always nice to know we're not alone.
Do it! Doooo it!
If you blog about your post partum troubles, I'll blog about mine . . . yes, I am peer pressuring you into it. 😉
as someone who has battled depression for close to 30 years, as well as having a husband who battles depression also, believe it or not it helps to laugh at it and other troubles. To me laughing at it means it has not got the best of me. PW is PW, you are Margaret, and that baby is adorable and your daughter has a great sense of humor 😉
I'm so glad you're feeling better! One of the reasons for talking about it is that it can be so hard to know that you're depressed. Maybe some mom who desperately needs help can identify with what you're saying and see that she needs a trip to the doctor! God bless you!
Hi Minnesota Mom,
I think I am battling it, too, and am wondering what I do now? I have been trying to "fake it, til I make it" and I am getting tired of trying to smile through the tears and depressing thoughts…
You would be helping me immensely if you share your journey through, when you can…Thank you in advance…
Sincerely,
Donna L.
You know Margaret, the whole mix of what makes you such a wonderful lady (funny and real)is why I always read your blog. I suffered from depression for years (turned out it was related to my gluten intolerance) but never told anyone about it. I now wished that I would have shared more with my family. I was wanting them to help but they never even knew that anything was wrong.
That's interesting, Betsy, because one of the things my doctor recommended on Monday was to cut out wheat. I'm starting slowly (because I love my French bread & my bagels!) but I do think there might be something to her advice.
I also know that vitamin D can make a big difference in how we feel.
I was put on a high dose of Vitamin D in December. My chiropractor suggested having my levels checked, and sure enough they were very low. My doctor said that happens to a lot of people this time of year. Take care,
Ann
Margaret, can if I can help with any recipes (for French Bread maybe?) let me know. I have some recipes I could send you that are easy, easy. I know that your kids would love to cook for their Mamma.
Regarding the low levels of Vitamin D – if someones levels are low, please also check to see if you have Gluten Intolerance/Celiac disease. Many members of my family who have been diagnosed with celiac disease have also had very low levels of Vitamin D. These diseases prevent you from absorbing your vitamins and thus you experience malnutrition. It is CRAZY the number of people who have been diagnosed the past few years. Many doctors are not educated about all of the new research but there is much available online .
Betsy, would you be willing to shoot me an email? Mom4life[at]comcast[dot]net.
Please please please keep blogging about it. All of it. So very helpful, and a ray of light in the blog world.
Xoxo
The enemy wants nothing more than to isolate you and feel like you are alone in this struggle. I struggle very much with anxiety and depression. Back in Decemeber when I hit a low, again, I reached out, again! I have had to come to realize that depression has nothing to do with my skills, my faith, my gumption, or my convictions- it is physiological which means beyond my ability to will it into sumission- can you say sigh of relief? I am so glad I checked in on you today. I will pray for you dear sweet Margaret. You are not alone, you are loved, and you will not be left in this place. Keep your eyes on Jesus, look to the saints who struggled, and never be afraid to reach out. St. Dymphna, pray for us. Oh, and what a scrumptious little guy; congratulations to your whole family. P.S. I haven't read all the posts, but we have a "happy light" that seems to be helping us all over these winter month; they can be found on Amazon-mine is made by Verilux.
Your Angela has me laughing. As always,thanks for being REAL!
Cheri