On Saturday morning, some friends and I met for Mass and a study of the Catechism
My oldest son even did the dishes!
When I got home, I discovered this scene in the family room:
“Wow!” I exclaimed, taking in the elaborate KAPLA Plank fortress
And they had.
As they continued to play—which for them, of course, is work—I watched them quietly and thought about something my friends and I had discussed that morning. One of the other moms had commented that she wished, sometimes, that God would hurry up and fix her problems. “He can really take His time, don’t you think?” she asked. “I mean, He could take away my faults in an instant, if He wished. He could take away my crosses! Instead, I find that sometimes it can take months before I see where He was headed.”
Isn’t that the case?
I thought about my current situation—my husband’s unemployment, the radically modified budget and the home improvements that have stalled—and I thought about the suffering we’ve had in years past.
Specifically, all those miscarriages.
As hard as it was—as hard as it is—I do believe that He knows what He’s doing. He’s the master gardener; He has a plan. Also, I got a kick out of looking at that photo of my children because their expressions were all so very different.
And then, with a bit of an evil cackle, I decided to label that photo and use my family as an example. How do we respond to God’s work in our souls?
1. Do we act indifferent? Yeah, God helps me. What of it? I’m still stressed.
2. Do we get all proud? Aren’t I blessed? So much virtue!
3. Do we smile serenely? Accept His help, feel greatly humbled?
4. Do we come to Him as we are? Underdressed, but oh-so-joyful?
5. Or do we watch from afar? Aloof, apprehensive, even scared of His plans for our uncertain life?
Like I said, I had some fun.
And I saw my own self in Number Six, all the above.
That half naked guy is quite a prize. And he knows it!
I'm right there with you at #6. I've worked at home since my son was born (he's 14). But three years ago I lost the "job" (essentially ongoing contract freelance work) and have not found anything nearly comparable. Since my husband is also freelance and has taken up more and more Catholic writing (and started a theology Masters program), our overall income has dropped dramatically.
We've been humbled and have had to accept assistance from our families and other sources. We've cut out everything possible. It is hard, it is stressful, sometimes more than others.
But we have found a sense of acceptance. Not that we're not doing everything possible to find a long term solution, and more work in the meantime… But somehow most days we are not paralyzed by fear. (Notice I said most days…) We pray a lot, we have faith that somehow we'll come out of this. We simply want some basic stability to care for our family. We don't expect to be unchanged. Clearly we need to go through this to come out stronger on the other side. When you become the "family in need" receiving a holiday meal donation, it's a real mix of gratitude and humility.
But on a practical level, there is a certain level of simplicity that financial hardship requires. It is now very, very easy to ignore commercials or sale flyers — shopping for non-essentials is simply not an option. Other than very specific occasions (like a child's birthday), eating out is not an option (although grandparents have treated us sometimes). I buy what's on sale in the grocery and use a lot more coupons and build meals around that (and more pasta, more beans, etc.)
This experience has opened our eyes and it has changed us, and I hope we bring that change to the rest of our lives. Someday I may be ready to write openly about it. I'd love to share that the "poor" or struggling are not who many people think they are, especially not in this economy.
It is hard sometimes, but we are all challenged to accept God's will in our lives — especially when it's scary and stressful.
So sorry to ramble and take over your com box. I guess some day I will have to take the plunge and start a blog (as I've mentioned to you before!).
God bless. You and your family continue to be in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your life and your thoughts with us. You bless many more than you may know.
Can I just say what a beautiful home you have!…yeah, I just focused on the materialistic despite your lovely spiritually meditative post. That's how I roll. 😉
And those cute kids and the handsome man in the background? Beautiful! All of it. What a way to come home; surrounded by your blessings.
I noticed you mentioned all those children that are now in heaven. It is something we mamas always carry with us. Those babies. My heart goes out to you.
I am trying lately for the joyful even though I carry some crosses that I would love to just throw down.
Great post! as always.
Hi Margaret, Please forgive me for getting in contact w/you this way. Emails are not working! I am looking for your 1st Holy COmmunion NOvena. I goggled it and it only came up to day #6. I cannot find the others. Can you please send it to me ifyou have it?
Thanks so much! God bless,
Mary @ Cheerios