The first one is me, the latter one’s my husband. I’m going to talk about both, however, because I’m a blogger and that’s what I do.
Unfortunately I haven’t had a whole lot of energy for blogging lately. I haven’t wanted to get up and pray; haven’t wanted to get up and write; haven’t wanted to get up and exercise. You’re thinking, who does? (want to exercise, that is) I do, if I can find my shoes.
(The odds of that one are 50-50. My running shoes conspire against me.)
So I’m going to try to keep this short and cheerful because, well, being cheerful is always better. If you lean in close, though, I’ll tell you a secret: That’s not at all how I feel on the inside. I have to make what’s called an act of the will.
It will be four weeks on Friday since my husband’s been out of work. Talk about a perspective shift! I thought my life was overwhelming when we had money; well, that was nothing compared to being broke. Suddenly I have to care about finances which I have not really had to do before.
I have, you could say, led a privileged life.
I will give you one example of the “me” that I was—an example that will probably make you gasp. Before this unemployment thing happened, I was more-or-less oblivious to the cost of things. There were many, many times at the grocery store where I would pay for my items—swipe my card, get the receipt—and I would not even glance at the total amount.
Did you gasp?
And do you not think that God is using my husband’s job loss to work on me? He must be, because yesterday—by contrast—I went through the Burger King drive-through and ordered a medium Diet Coke. (It was after lunch and my reserves were flagging.) The lady said, “Sure! It’ll be $2.13 at the first window.”
“Did you say $2.13?” I asked. “Never mind. I changed my mind.”
“Okay,” she said, chirpy but clueless. “Have a good day!”
This, then, is the new & improved version of me. This, then, is my brain on broke.
There are other areas of our life that have changed. The cleaning service that used to come twice a month? That one was the first to go. I am wistful not only because I dislike cleaning toilets–okay, I hate it–but most of all because it was my husband’s gift to me. “I want you to focus on teaching the kids,” he used to say. “This is something I can do to help.”
Sigh.
And yet…and yet…the tricky thing about writing all this is that everyone has his/her own unique cross (especially financial ones) and who am I to demand your time with my problems? Who am I to be such a prayer hog? And yet in the deepest darkest part of my longing, I still want everyone praying for me.
Greedy, huh? Please pass the slops.
Suddenly I understand what so many of our friends have gone through—I understand what it means to trust. This is not to say that I’m good at it…rather, that I’m trying.
“The heart of a Christian ought to be full of love, with a hope always placed in his Lord. To be able to do this he cannot allow himself to be trapped by and be a prisoner of earthly things; he has to be constantly moving toward a greater purification.”
One last thing—a housekeeping thing. I apologize for not being more consistent with my Weigh-In Wednesday posts. I’m still trying to be better about what I eat and still try to hop on the treadmill when I have a chance. Still, I have to admit that these ten extra pounds are suddenly not…at the top of my thoughts.
Though one would assume I’ll lose weight ’cause I’ve stopped buying chips.
Yours in times of fasting *and* feasting, 
Prayers for your family and for your husband to get a job. I can't imagine how much stress you must be under right now.
Job prayers ongoing and continuous, Margaret! I stink at trust, hmm… and dieting. I can't do it. I can exercise, but I can't diet. And FYI, I think husbands out of work is a big cross. Hugs!
Let's trade prayers! My husband has a job, but it doesn't even come close to paying for all of our expenses. We have had to cut back so much I'm wondering what is left to cut. Okay, so I know I still have internet…Anyhow, I will pray for you and your family and that your husband will find a good job, soon, and I ask that you pray for us, that my husband can find a job that pays him enough to support his family. It is amazing what we can learn through these trials, isn't it?? God Bless.
Praying for you. That is not easy to have a hubby out of work, but it does help to purify…
Love the $2.13 example. That is ridiculously expensive!
Strap on those shoes, girl. You can come and run the Disney Princess Run with me next year. God will make a way and in the meantime you'll have something to focus on . . . because change sucks.
Prayers here as well but some additional practical advice, look into Dave Ramsey. He's a financial guy but I promise he won't bore you. He is a Christian and has blessed many, many people with his practical, biblical, real advice. http://www.daveramsey.com
Thanks so much for your blog. Praying for you! Jesus I trust in you. Cheri
I've been praying, Margaret…. almost dropped you a quick e-mail, but… you *know* how it is. 🙂
Many prayers and quiet struggles offered up for you all!
{{{hugs}}}
Still praying for you and having faith that you can do this!
Housecleaning – you have girls, right? This counts for home ec.! Assign chores to each: one girl gets bathrooms, another dusting, another is in charge of laundry or vacuuming. Take a week off school for training, do alongside with each girl, and inspect. This will pay dividends.
I love everything you wrote. I've been thinking alot about you every day, praying for you and hoping you are all doing OK.
I have a ton of questions, like do the prospects look good for your husband? How is he doing mentally and spiritually? Will he be un-laid off soon, is this a possiblity?
We've lived a paycheck to paycheck life for most of our marriage, out of 15 years, about 12 of those and now with a new/used van payment, we are back at it again, yet, we don't suffer, we get what we need and even thensome, and can take the kids to piano, but with the cost of yogurt and 5 kids eating (baby is mostly free, right?) and at least 2-3 of them needing spring/summer clothes…it's a struggle.
I love how you are looking at the "why's?" and getting out of it, that maybe God wants you to struggle through this to emphasize with others, to feel that worry, pain and struggle.
What always seems to happen, is God does what He did with the Miracle of the sun at Fatima…everyone thought they were going to die, the sun was crashing down to the earth, and at the very last second, He saved them. He put the sun back.
I think in life, He lets us struggle, then, saves us at the last second. It turns out OK in the end and we are the better for it.
I'm sure you are all rich in virtue and that is much, much more important than all the money in the world!
Remembering you and your husband in our prayers.
Oh, and McDonalds has their large Diet Cokes (any large drink) on their dollar menu!! 🙂
Oh, yeah, love what Tracy said, my kiddos clean the bathrooms (well, except mine) even Nicholas. It takes a little time to train them, but it's good for them and lots easier for you in the end!! No fun til Saturday chores are done…so it's done weekly, even better than 2x/month!!
Praying for you anyway, greedy prayer hog or no. 🙂
So my husband's take home pay has suddenly dropped from nearly $6000 per month to $1800. Is it weird that I'm actually excited about this? When things are going fine, and we have more than enough, it's so easy to take things for granted, or go buy instead of using our creative faculties to figure how to get along without buying. $1800 doesn't seem like much money to feed, clothe, house, and educate seven children, and don't even talk about feeding the livestock or paying vet bills. But, you know, $1800 is almost exactly enough to cover our essential expenses. How perfect is that?
All the rest is gravy. 🙂
Love to you, dear friend.
I agree with the Dave Ramsey comment. We read his book when my husband was out of work. It was great. My husband found a better job than the one he had in about 4 months. It is a much longer commute. (about 50 minutes), but he is much happier when he comes home because he does not dread the job. God really does know best. Anyways, the financial advice is wonderful in Dave Ramsey's Money Management book, and actually everyone can learn from it, no matter how much money you make. You can check it out at the library. Prayers continue for your family. Ann
Forgot to mention: Pocketyourdollars.com is a great website for saving money on groceries and other things. Did not think I would ever be so excited about coupons, but I love them now. Ann
You know you have my prayers, Mags. And I still think your attitude is wonderful. It's not easy to look at hard times as an opportunity for growth, but you are able to see the blessings behind it all. Good for you!
My prayers go out for you and your husband. Fear not, I am sure all will be well. I believe when these hard times come to us it is a deepening rather than a testing.
Regarding the house cleaning – hey, you have boys as well as girls, get some equal opportunity toilet scrubbing goin' on! Forget "home ec", think more about team building & a family sharing chores to make things better for all.
Please don't call yourself fat. I've seen you in photos, you are not fat. Oh, there is so much I could say, but it will all come out wrong, so I'll just keep it at – eat the good food (as opposed to the bad food), love the good gifts of life (as opposed to fearing the trials), be happy.
Thinking about you today at Speech ; )
When I home schooled, we had "bathroom cleaning day", "dusting day" (that one was a competition!), "baking day", etc., a little bit each day. My house was cleaner then!
Those were also the days that I took cash to the grocery store, and prayed it would stretch far enough – and it was often really close – down to the last penny! I smiled back at God.
One time, when we had lost someone close, I had this stupid little selfish thought, "Now who will ever buy us theater tickets?" which had been a favorite gift of that person. Wouldn't you know, someone in our prayer group came up out of the blue, and said that they NEEDED to give us something – it was tickets to the Old Log Theatre, plus free babysitting. They couldn't explain why.
It's OK to tell the Lord, "I don't like this, I don't like this, I don't like this!" while still being open to what He may be working on with you… I can tell that you are looking beyond the circumstances and will come through just fine, even better.
Continued prayers… I know it's not easy.
Gee, I am really sorry about your husbands job loss. No other prospects on the horizon for a lawyer such as he?
I know where you are coming from – I don't quibble about the price of vegetables or fruit, I buy what looks good and don't care about price. We eat good cuts of meat. I have a cleaner and there is only me and my husband home now… I have a very (very) clean home!
Your children are at an age where they are able to help in the kitchen so maybe some simple home cooked, from scratch meals might be the way to go (and cheaper too). I'm not implying that you buy take out all the time but some simple meals can ease the budget constraints. Let the kids make cookies instead of buying them. Bake a cake more often. Make flat bread tortillas from scratch for a Mexican feast…
I sure something will come your way soon, I just know it!
Cheers – Joolz
Oh Margaret,
Many know exactly how you feel.
We're on a very tight budget right now. But it wasn't too long ago where we didn't "have a budget" because we didn't "have any money" for a budge. Oh yes it was tough, but humbling. Things are super blessed now, but we are in need of a home…thus the strict budget.
As I read your post I looked down at my treat of a yummy Mexican Mocha from our local coffee shop. A $3.25 treat for myself. Oh the guilt.
This period will pass, you'll grow from it for sure. Just remember to be kind to yourself. And never fret to ask for prayers. They're free for the taking :-).
Oh Margaret. You make me giggle even when you are just faking cheerful. 🙂
I'm prayin for ya.
Margaret,
Praying for you and your husband. I think it's especially hard on the husbands not that it's easy for us but their day to day life has changed the most drastically. We've gone through a few layoff times and it's so hard for the men who want to get a job and it doesn't happen quickly. If you want any money saving tips we're here for you. One is go to cash only especially for groceries and menu plan and write a list. When things were really tight I took only the grocery cash into the store left the debit card check book gas money whatever in the car or at home so I could not spend more.
As my mother always says…This too shall pass.
Keeping you in my prayers.
Since my husband changed jobs (after 8 months of unemployment in '09-'10) we have been forced to live rather frugally. I often pray a prayer I paraphrase from a Scott Hahn talk I once listened to. "Lord, please provide all that we need and just enough of what we want to keep us completely dependent upon You".
And He always does. You and yours are in my prayers.
St. Joseph, Pray for us!
You are so honest and real. And I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers.
(And $2.13 for a medium diet soda is highway robbery.)
Thank you for humbling sharing your worries. You've given me one more thing to offer up my cross for.
We all have crosses but each one of them are equal in His eyes. He permits that which will help bring us closer to Him and He gives us nothing that we can't handle.
I pray that you will find JOY and PEACE in this cross. May God's will be done.
Pax, Lena
Thank you for another honest, this-is-life-right-now post. It's hard to put it all out there. Thank you.
I don't think that I was able to put in a comment when you initially posted about your husband's job. You have been in my thoughts and prayers since then and I've been wondering how you are doing.
Budget and lifestyle changes are tough ones and can take a little bit of tweaking. Over here, we are reminding ourselves often that while hubby's job isn't always ideal, it's a job and it provides just enough for our family. We stretch the dollars and that all allows me to stay home. Again, after reading your post I am reminded to be thankful.
Keeping up the prayers for you and your household and hoping good changes and a job for hubby are just around the bend.
Dearest M in MN….
I say this with the KINDEST of intentions….sometimes we need a little help to get over a rough patch…Maybe a trip to the doctor for an anti depressant to help!!
I seem to remember you mentioning many blog posts ago that you have a teaching degree and a fine arts degree…maybe you could dust off the degrees and you and hubby switch rolls. sometimes change is as good as a rest. I live next door to a couple who are also members of my catholic parish. she is a medical doctor, and he is a former social worker. She goes to work and he is the stay at home parent caring for the children and house hold stuff.
praying for you and yours.
Hi Minnesota Mom,
I have been taking an e-mail and internet break for Lent….but wanted to stop in and say I will be praying for you!
Remember, you are not really broke, because you have a place to live, your health, your children and a husband who loves you! That is more than many people have.
We have gone through some hard times, when there was too much month for the money….cash system, consignment places for clothes, {when there *is* clothing money} and getting creative about having fun is what our life is all about!
I am so inspired by you, and your attitude that this is making you a better person….sometimes we have to "fake it til we make it" but God is always good….
Blessings to you,
Donna L.
Saw your FB post about suddenly being broke, which made me go to your blog, and I just want to say I'm so sorry! Saying prayers for you right now. God is with you always.