aka Stream of Consciousness
Do you ever cry out of guilt for your sins of omission? And then despair of ever being a saint? I do, all the time. And then, being human, I look around desperately for someone—or something—to take the blame, because I can’t bear the weight of being so darned imperfect. Usually, it’s the computer—as in, how dare I spend time sitting on my bum at the computer—when there are hundreds of other things I should be doing? Cleaning, sorting, playing, praying…anything but this time “wasted” in staring at a screen. But wait! There should be balance. I need to find balance between this thing that I love—writing, reaching out to my friends online—and the things that I greatly GREATLY dislike. (Menial tasks fall into this category.) Can I love Him in this and serve Him in this and find balance, too, between the endless tasks affording a mom? I think I can, though it isn’t easy, and I know from today’s Gospel that I must have faith in His tender mercy. Our Lord didn’t hold Peter’s failings against him. Rather, all that He wanted to know was, “Do you love me?” I do love You, Lord—very, very much. Thank you for loving me despite my denials; thank You for giving me the grace to be me.
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