[Read Part I here.]
I realized, as I spoke to the police officer, that I was wrong in my recollection of what had happened—completely wrong. I thought the man in the car in front of me had been traveling east as I had been, when in fact he was in the west-bound lane. He had spun out into my lane upon impact.
How humbling to admit to the officer that I wasn’t any help as a witness. How embarrassing to admit that I’d been distracted.
(In other words, driving along on autopilot.)
(At 6:00 o’clock in the morning.)
When John and I talked about this later, he said that he pays close attention to the other cars on the highway. He’ll note the color of this vehicle and the location of that one—a mental mind game, as it were, to give himself a whack on the side of the head.
Huh, I thought. I could sure use a few of those.
The accident on Sunday morning makes me wonder: how many other times have I been completely wrong in my recollection? How many hurt feelings could I have avoided? How many fights?
There have been times when I’ve complained to my husband (you are shocked to hear of such behavior, I know) about some slight of his or another person’s. How much less stressful it would be to assume that what I thought I saw, I hadn’t—that I was the person in the wrong.
This goes against the grain of my selfishness, of course.
Which, in the end, is the whole point.
It’s Habit 5 of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits. It’s the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, by which we seek not so much to be understood as to understand.
And it’s hard, as you probably already know.
It can be really, really hard.
Things like that [accident] can really shake you up/wake you up. It makes you think more deeply about things –which is always good of course. A few small accidents we've had (not our fault) have certainly made me much more aware when I am driving. I know I drive more defensively now and just defer to anyone who is being difficult since I would much rather be safe and NOT have an accident than be right and have one. I am constantly talking to my bigger kids when driving . . . "See that? Don't do that when you are driving! Go around the block, don't cut someone off." I am sure I am very annoying but then that's my job as their mom isn't it? 😉
Also, I think you are right. So often a "slight" is not at all that, not intentional anyway. Few us of are looking to slight someone else really. Most of the time we're just doing our thing and don't realize how it's taken. We would all do well to just assume the best of one another, it makes life so much more pleasant. And I have found that the people who really ARE trying to hurt you are either very obvious in their unkindness or are so passive/aggressive that it's just too hard to tell. If you "notice" a slight it's most likely completely unintentional. Back to my coffee. A blessed morning to you Maggie dear. 🙂
I really, really needed to be reminded of this today. Thank you for a beautiful post.
An early morning conviction. I confess, I'm guilty. 🙂 Thanks for the whack on the head. I was headed down the road of martyrdom…again. Seeking to understand today.
IAJen
Wow. What a great lesson to be learned. Makes me wonder too…
Wow, I've really noticed that this past year or so, my bad recollection of things. Not remembering things I've said or not said. My kiddos have caught on too, saying, "Mom doesn't have a good memory"
Nice post.
I just knew you were going to have a little lesson for us with the end of this story! It's a good one, too. My memory is faulty, at best.
OTOH, there are differing perspectives. There are many incidents that my sister and I have completely different recollections of. Who is right? Well, SHE is, only because I defer to her stronger desire to be right.
Good lesson here…good lesson.