So I broke my blog fast yesterday with a fairly lighthearted 7 Takes post. Truth is, throughout the three weeks of my time offline, there were some days that went very well…and there were some days that didn’t.
Truth is, there were days that felt very lonely.
Truth is, I’m addicted to blogging and all the bipolar highs and lows it brings.
Now granted, there are worse addictions! Since starting this blog (four years ago on August 11th), I’ve made many beautiful online friends and have been strengthened, sustained, encouraged and inspired.
However.
I have also frittered away a fair share of time, usually by sitting down and starting to click…and click…and click…and click. The next thing I know, I am pages away from where I began and feel overwhelmed & over-stimulated. The laundry’s unfolded, the kids are neglected and I haven’t a clue what I’m making for supper.
There has to be some sort of balance.
There has to be accountability, if not in this world then in the next.
[gulp]
Therefore I would like to ask you: How do you manage your time online? Do you even try to? Certainly this is an age-old discussion and I know I’ve seen it come up before. Indulge me, though, if you feel like sharing. Encourage me by saying I’m not alone. Inspire me, please, and give me hope.
I know there’s balance.
I just need to find it.
“It is easier to control your thoughts and desires by staying at home than by going out too often. Frequent visiting and going out bring too many distractions. You cannot safely appear in public until you have developed a love for solitude.
“In prayerful solitude you will receive a deep appreciation of your heavenly goal in life. A man of prayer speaks when speech is useful to himself or his neighbor. He will not waste his energy and squander his thoughts in idle conversation.”
From My Daily Bread, Chap. 110
This is a hard one for me. I love reading other blogs, and clicking away on links. But when I was on vacation (and had to share a laptop with the rest of my family, and didn't have it at all for a few days), I realized that I get MUCH more done when I limit my time online. I can say the full Liturgy of the Hours, I have more time for exercise, for reading, for just being. And I really liked it.
So now I'm trying to limit what I do. If I have blog ideas I try to write the post, and then get offline. I check my blog list a few times a day for updates, but even this could be reduced.
I've tried using a timer, but I find that doesn't really work for me–I'm not that disciplined! But after seeing how much I can get done when I'm not just sitting in front of my computer–that motivated me to re-think it, and really try to find a balance. So far (it's been a week) it seems to be working.
Margaret, you described things here exactly. I'm in the process of moving my computer to a very inconvenient room. Right now it's in my dining room (school room) adjacent to the kitchen and I check email every time I walk through. As you can imagine that's every few minutes. So that's my plan going forward. It's just a silly bad habit. I think making the computer less accessible will help. I hope. Looking forward to everyone else's replies which I will no doubt be reading all afternoon while the laundry is unfolded and the kids are neglected. 😉
Two things have helped me quite a bit of late.
1. I moved my computer to the basement. I know it's counter-intuitive, but it was nice both because the mess was out of the way and I'm not tempted to stay on as along – I'd rather be upstairs where it's more pleasant and more sociable with the family.
2. I drastically reduced the number of blogs I follow in Google Reader.
Each person and situation is unique, of course, but both of these have made me feel a lot more peaceful about my time online and indirectly led it to be a more reasonable quantity of time.
Love you!
It's getting embarrassing for me. I've had to confess spending too much time on the Internet often! I decided after last time to check one local news site, one world news site, and one blog daily. It's been much better now and no guilty feelings!
Writing the posts gets a high priority (it's writing time), but reading is a treat for me. And it gets allocated after the work I need to do on the computer is done.
And sometimes it goes better than others. It's like a lot of other things in my life. Right now, for example, I'm in a streak of not-so-hot with kitchen/cooking/menu (as in PB&J, bologna, and mac/cheese on a rotation every.single.night.).
Fun computer time in my life has to be where it belongs on the priority list, and I've been learning I can't just squeeze it in. Turning on my laptop is a half-hour, even if I'm just doing something "real quick." So now I don't fill odd moments with the computer, because, I've found, I CAN'T.
Hope that helps. Praying for you. (Glad to have you back.)
I look at it like people look at MN weather… if it is nice enough outside, we always try to take advantage of it, and not do screen-time. If it is crummy out, that is another story… I know that hours can just go by without any awareness, so I just have to put the limits on. And, like with food, it is OK to splurge every now and then. I do like the idea of a 3-wk fast, too!
This is me exactly! In fact, what Jennifer wrote is precisely what I do! Sometimes the "addiction" gets so bad it does seem physical. It is so much easier to fritter away my time in front of the screen instead of doing other things that I should do.
Unfortunately, a lot of what I do to help make an income for the family involves the computer so it is easy to get sucked into the fun stuff instead of just the business stuff.
Oh, it is all so very difficult and complex! As you can tell, I haven't figured out a solution yet. I look forward to reading other people's ideas in the hopes that they will help!
God bless you and good luck.
I love how honest you are about this. Congrats – I know this fast was a true sacrifice. What were the benefits? Was it more or less difficult for you to plug into your kids and household routine? Any positives to focus on?
Honestly, I make a real effort to blog only when I am on top of everything else. I make use of the "publish on . . . " feature.
That way, say on a Saturday or an afternoon during nap/quiet time, I can get several posts scheduled and ready to go. Does Blogger have the same feature?
I try not to be online when I should be spending time with my children or husband. I know I get annoyed when my husband is constantly going to the den with any excuse to look something up or if he constantly has his face in the iPhone screen so I try to give him the same courtesy and possibly set an example. I have encouraged him (and myself) to imagine how we would feel if we had teenagers doing the same thing and what kind of limits we would set for them if they were older.
I don't use the computer when I am nursing the baby. I do read google reader on my iPhone when I am holding him or at night in bed while I am winding down but commenting but touching links is too time consuming on our old model so I don't wander around too much. I check google reader, the 4Real board and my email and that's about it.
Location of your computer might be a factor. As lovely as your desk set-up by the front bay window is, have you tried making your laptop less accessible? Ours is in the den – close enough to keep tabs on the kids (sort of) but far enough away that they run amuck if I leave them at the table or alone to do schoolwork.
Also, when I make my to do list for the day, I group the tasks that require computer use together so I can get it all done in a chunk instead of squandering time here and there. Helps me be more efficient. Then if I get sidetracked I look at my list and realize I had better do what I set out to do rather than spending time on other websites I didn't intend to visit – like your com box ; )
See, I really need to balance my fun money checkbook, look for Mary's winter wardrobe, and do some vacation blog posts because I know my mom will want to see photos when she visits my sister today.
Hope that helps, sweetheart! You can do it – just remember what your primary vocation is. Your husband and children and the wonderful meals you cook for your family should always come before time online (((((hugs))))
One more thing – I entered on my google calendar "get off the computer and go to bed" at 10 pm. A little alarm sounds and that is my cue to put the computer asleep and get myself to sleep too!
Blogger just ate the comment I spent a half hour typing. Said it was too large! My thoughts disappeared and now I feel guilty for spending so much time typing up my thoughts for you when I have a little list of computer tasks I sat to accomplish but wound up here instead. How very appropriate.
Well, maybe I will just call you instead! Sorry – didn't know there was a limit characters here!
Blogger ate my first comment, trying again.
It's a problem for most of us, I think. And I have tried self-limiting by setting rules for myself for internet usage, computer use, etc.
But I'm kind of tired of that. Now I'm trying a new tactic of allowing myself to be interrupted more by husband and kids at all my work and leisure, without setting aside special rules just for the computer.
I'm only a couple of weeks into it, but it definitely feels more comfortable and less threatening than artificially limiting computer time.
I rarely get on when my husband is home. Well, maybe rarely isn't the right word. I infrequently get on when my husband is home. Or the kitchen is messy. I really have to work on school days now. Really.
PS Hi, honey. Glad to see you back.
A-Ha!
Let me begin by stating, "No", you aren't alone in this.
I spent precious time, some weeks more than others, reading blogs. These sites are rabbit trails. You read one post that inspires you and makes you feel connected…that post and it's author may link or lead you to another post/blog. Before you know, it's been 2 hours, lunch has come and gone, it's near the time hubby comes home, the house is a mess and there is no telling where the kids have gone too…Lastly there is a feeling of guilt and embrassment.
It's worst than bon bons…totally joking here.
Sadly, it took a few tragedies here to redirected my focus. The computer, blogs, or curriculum research were all put aside for a while. AND THEY WEREN'T MISSED.
As the summer continued, with it's lazy days, I did return to more reading and searching. Probably more than I should have but, I tried very hard not to loose myself again. I didn't always succeed.
Now, I am feeling a great need to stay away from the bulk of it all. I have my trusted sites to enjoy with my morning coffee. AFTER, quiet prayer or mass, some form of excercise, breakfast ready to go, and BEFORE the kids are up or ready to need me. No more checking in through the day. No more searching for anything that can't be found within the walls of my own home. It can wait until my next down time with coffee.
Margaret, I don't know-know you but, you have your heart/head in the right place. God is good and you are one of those that I do like to "check in" on. Because in many ways I see a friend in you and someone who walks her faith and not just talks it.
God bless and thanks for the chat.
Margaret….my suggestion….just go with the flow. I'm not usually on the internet during the day. Sometimes, I check my email…but I do the bulk of my blogging and blog reading at night. I have a tendancy toward insomnia….so that's how I do it.
There are times, however, when I just don't have much time to get online….so…during those times…I just don't. For instance, this week..I posted on Monday…but haven't posted since. I have things I want to blog about, but I just haven't had time. Then there are times when I read my favorite blogs…but I don't have time to comment on them. This has really happened a lot since I started using Google Reader. Commenting takes a lot more time.
Since we will start our FIRST YEAR HOMESCHOOLING on Monday..I know that I probably won't have a lot of time these next several weeks…so I make the evening time (after kids are in bed…and after husband is snoring in his chair) to have internet time.
Anyway…it works for us.
I don't really know if you'd call it "balance" because I'm not giving "equal" time to blogging, but I am able to be a mom and wife…and a blogaholic…and things work!
Rather than trying to limit computer time, I'd suggest people struggling with this issue try investing themselves more in real life. Whatever your real life commitments are, step them up a bit.
For me, computer time has become very limited on account of becoming more active in my parish, taking on a part time work/missionary commitment, investing in local friendships,and increasing the one on one time I spend with my kids by setting goals for each and working with them daily.
Pretty much, I took on more than I thought I could handle and I've been amazed at how much I can do in real life and I'm thrilled to find more hours in a day than I knew I had (hours I had been spending on the computer, no doubt). Now, I didn't do this because I was trying to limit my computer time, it just worked out that way and I'm glad it did.
There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer to this query! My computer usage/blogging changes related to what's going on in our family life. If we're busy, I just don't blog … when life is real active, I tend to do a DayLook post at the beginning of each week. That way, my relies and friends know all is good, but it doesn't take much time for me. I read very few blogs, and I make use of google reader. Truthfully, I'd be reading even fewer blogs if I didn't make use of google reader. Remain flexible; change 'it' up if the schedule/computer time isn't working; pray.
this is a really good point, and something that so many of us struggle with.
I turn my computer on once a day and do everything i need at that time. Having the computer off makes it seem "annoying" to wait for it to turn on earlier in the day so I just wait till naptime.
thanks for bringing the issue up, Margaret!
Well frankly I am so glad you mentioned this. Now I don't feel alone in this obsession. I'm going to make sure to read through all the comments and then pray that one of the ideas will work. And if it doesn't I'll keep at it although I'm sure that the computer will always lure me in … I'm weak.
Oh, Margaret, this one is tough. I am the mother of 2 adult kids still living at home who found herself wasting SO much time reading blogs, hours a day, and not having the time I need to devote to my family. I mean to the point where you begin to go, okay do I need to confess this in the confessional. Last year, I found I was going from blog to blog,amazed at you young Catholic mothers who are so amazing. Wow, I so wish I knew someone like you when I was young and raising my children, someone who celebrated the seasons of the church and the feast days. I am so in awe of you all. I would go from mouse click to mouse click and become enmeshed in your lives. I found I could spend hours reading about other people, and then wonder where the heck did I spend my time. Over the span of a couple of weeks I really evaluated and questioned what these blogs added to my life. Of course, its a no brainer, while they were sweet, endearing, sometimes thought provoking, etc., I really didn't need them. So I whittled my blogs down to just 4 a day that I take a look at, yours being one of them. I will take a look everyday at the sometimes profound, sometimes thought provoking, sometimes funny topic my favs have come up with, and then I move on. Sometimes, I don't even sit down. I read standing up, that way I'm not too tempted to keep clicking on links, etc. I happen to make my living on the computer, so why I spend anytime outside of business hours on the PC is beyond me, but I have my faithful blogs that I will not give up. Margaret, you make me think, about Jesus, about Mary, about God, our Abba. And for that, I can't thank you enough. You are also generous enough to share you gorgeous family with us, and we all share in their triumphs. You serve a much needed purpose for many of us, please never forget that. God has blessed you abundantly, and placed you in many of our lives for a reason. We will pray for you, and Minnesota Mom.
This is hard, but what I've done and works for me is no nights and no weekends. (sometimes I peek at your blog or Christine's, but very quickly)
My computer is also in an inconvenient room, away from everything which I think does help.
Praying for that balance for you, it's always a struggle!
Some women advised putting the computer in an inconvenient spot. That didn't work for me since I'm one of those melancholic types that doesn't mind being alone. I finally put ours in the hub of things – right off the kitchen in our schoolroom. There is a beautiful view of the outdoors from the computer desk (and who wants to stay indoors then). What is on the screen is also very visable and public. I can't focus on reading or writing when there is a lot of activity going on, so I naturally don't spend much time on the computer anymore. I'm also more available to everyone since I'm more visable instead of being closeted away. And my kids being able to see me makes me feel guilty about any bad example I'm setting.
Maybe sanguines would hate not being where all the action is. So an anti-social corner could be the answer for them.
I also had to start looking at idle computer use as a tempation from the Devil. Just like my temptation to buy a Lindt dark chocolate, chocolate cream-filled bar when I'm trying to eat well and loose weight. And the answer to that is an earnest prayer to my guardian angel.
hmmm…i was going to put in my 2 cents, but it's not needed. there is lots to chew on.
but… i do want to say that i think the fact that you are able to "retreat" from the internet shows great restraint, darling….we are all different creatures and what works for one person might not work for you. at one point i really struggled with the whole thing. managing time online is oh. so. tricky. but through prayer, God made it known to me that the house. children. and husband needed to be tended to. nothing is ever perfect and so as long as things are kept up and no one or nothing is "neglected", it is perfectly ok to sit here and catch up with blog friends just the same way i might sit and knit for a while. or read. blogging is really a hobby. and with balance. it can be a good outlet for those of us who are home A LOT. and need to reach out to others.
ps. i always time myself. i have a little clock in the corner of my computer screen and nothing more than 30 mins at a time. that includes business email. school stuff. etc. and my how that time flies!
so off i go!
to clean the upstairs. the oh. so hot. upstairs. that is really so much more fun than blogging anyway..
i just realized that was an awfully long comment.
so maybe i put in half a cent!
We are doing the PACE program (Program for Achieving Character Education) and working on the first virtue of Self Discipline.
Today we read the part titled:
How to Practice This Virtue
and one thing it mentioned was to control computer time, using self control and to pray to
St Isodore of Seville.
Just thought you'd like to know that!
Hi Margaret
I hardly ever comment and seeing that you have over 23 comments now (wow!)I will make this short.
I also had a problem similar to this and brought this question to a very respected priest. His answer was to pray for detachment.
I think it's fine to have hobbies and enjoy leisure time on the computer, but if you are finding your spirit troubled by this, it may be that your hobby is affecting your spiritual life.
I don't think you have to give up blogging completely, but I would suggest you hold back from blogging and pray about this for direction and seek only Him in prayer for an answer, until you have peace about this. This is the answer the priest gave me.
We would miss you and I hope that God allows you to continue to blog, but your focus should be on only what He wants for you since He knows what is best for you.