Subtitled: Everything you need to know about my husband’s sense of humor, and probably more.
A week ago I ran a post about our trip to the pediatrician’s office and the ever-invasive questionnaires they’d like you to fill out. (We never do.)
One survey, in particular, was unbelievably personal. I brought it home to show my husband, who, shall we say, had more than a little fun with it.
I hope that you do, too.
What questions or concerns do you have today?
Why do you have to ask all these questions?
List any injuries your child has had since your last visit.
Caused or received?
Do you have any concerns about your child’s hearing?
Yes, they ignore my request to clean their rooms. Do you think they even hear me?
Have there been any major changes or stresses in your family since your last visit? (move, divorce, birth, illness, job changes)
Yes, this doctor’s visit with its accompanying inquisition.
In the car, do you use a safety seat in the backseat every time?
No, some of the safety seats are in the middle.
Does your child eat (which ones?) :
Fruits? Yes, fruit gummies and fruit roll-ups
Vegetables? No, this is the modern era. I thought we didn’t discriminate.
Meats? Yes, squirrel and cat if she can catch one.
Dairy? No, why would she eat her diary?
Snacks? Yes, where would you like me to start?
Cereals/whole grains? No, she is not a squirrel.
If you have a gun in your house is the gun unloaded?
Every time we clean it.
Is the ammunition locked up and stored separately?
The bulk-armor-piercing ammo is.
Does your child sleep in flame-retardant sleepwear?
Don’t know. We haven’t tried lighting him.
Does your child spend time with anyone that smokes?
Yes, my wife. She’s smokin’!
Have you begun potty training?
Yes, about 32 years ago.
Do you have any concerns regarding conflict or violence that your child might be exposed to?
Yes, we sometimes discuss politics at home. The Democrats are doing great violence to our society. We should outlaw them.
Do you have any concerns regarding the use of alcohol or drugs by anyone caring for your child?
Yes, your nurse seems a little out of it. Have you had her checked?
Do you have syrup of Ipecac in your home?
No, we only have the liquid version.
Does your child eat hot dogs, peanuts, popcorn, raw carrots, hard candies?
Only when Daddy is in charge.
Do family and friends understand your child’s speech?
Yes, until he gets into the calculus. Frankly, it’s over their heads.
And finally,
Do you and your partner agree on how to set limits?
No, she turns me down all the time.
To which the wife adds: which is why we have seven children, right? 😉
Have a blessed day! And don’t forget to be joyful! The birth of Our Savior is at hand.
I love a good laugh in the morning! But this time I was drinking my coffee and now it’s in my nose! This was great – just what I needed. Thanks!
Yay! So funny – especially the flame retardant jammies bit. Thanks for sharing this Margaret. Your house sounds so fun!
Oh, my goodness that was funny! I have tears in my eyes. If only you could answer that way. Thanks for the laugh.
ROTFLOL!!! I needed that!! What an absolutely crazy questionnaire! :S
I am going to have to share this with my husband. He will appreciate it (and probably would have done the same thing had we received one like it).
How hilarious! I am sure that my wonderful, silly, husband would answer those questions much the same way.
Comedy is good in a marriage. I think it is necessary with a large family!
Yup, he’s amusing…and he sounds an awful lot like my beloved, too!
I haven’t laughed this much, out loud in months! Thanks for a great start to my day! (I’m forwarding this to my husband, who will also be rolling.)
Too funny!
Thank you for this giggle today!
Blessings to you and yours, kristina
Some of the funniest people in the world are also the most brilliant. John must be one of them. I’m sure Joe will get a kick out of this too – he might even snarf his coffee at work!
I like the one about the smokin’ wife. It sounds like something my dh would say.
Thanks for a good laugh. I especially loved the flame-retardant sleepwear. 🙂
Too funny. Thank you for a laugh. By the way, I love your blog.
I also loved the sleepwear one! My husband got a good laugh too. Now every time I fill one of these dumb things out, I will think of you!!