Or: On How to Stop Over-eating, Over-worrying, Over-EVERYTHING, for crying out loud!
You may have noticed that I haven’t been blogging. There are at least two good reasons for this decision, seven of which I’m going to detail here.
(?)
The truth is, I was (trying to) squeeze every last moment of merit from the summer that flew by…and as it turned out, that didn’t involve putting things out there on the blog. Forgive me for this? I hope you do, because I have wanted to share this post for over a week now but was too busy squeezing my life like a lemon.
Drip! Drip! Drip! That’s the sound of me learning what’s most important.
Life lessons for the stubborn.
Also, this whole transfer to Word Press thing has been more of a time drain than I anticipated. Part of me wants to have a beautiful, relevant, helpful blog…and then the other part says, “Too much is at stake. I’ll tend to my writing when the kids need me less.”
(So, like, in 2030 when Francis is 18?)
It’s an extremely tough balance and I face it daily.
You face it too. We ask, “How to choose?”
Well, here are seven choices that I (tried to) make this summer. I wasn’t always successful but for the most part, I was. This mom-of-seven managed to find some peace while the world continually reeled around her.
I hope this list inspires you, too.
I. Let go of your Littles when They become Big
I’m gonna just cut to the chase here: we dropped John Michael off at college on Monday.
Believe it or not, I didn’t cry!
Not on campus, anyway. I did cry (a LOT) the night before, and then again that morning. The truth is, I’ve spent this summer preparing my heart and I’ve spent this summer preparing my heart and I’ve spent this summer preparing my heart.
Don’t quite know if I did anything else.
Long story short, there were highs & lows & bumps in the road, none of which I’m going to write about out of respect for his privacy. Yes, there were lots of personality clashes, and I realized…eventually…what I was really after.
I wanted him to be just like me.
Oddly enough, though, he is not! He is not a 48-year-old wife & mother who is 100% committed to God & family. He’s an 18-year-old young man with big plans…
…and I simply have to trust the system.
I “simply” have to let him go.
One Last Family Photo before He Left on Monday
Which brings me to What-I-Did-That-Was-Helpful Point Number 2:
II. Lean Heavily on your Friends
There was a ton of drama in my heart this summer, little of which my husband actually “got.” Seriously, one night he said to me point-blank: “I don’t have time for this drama.” This was a St. Therese moment for me. Do I sulk and pout and pitch a fit? Or do I make an act of selflessness and get over myself for the sake of our marriage?
I chose B!
And then I phoned a friend.
Tracy of Pinewood Castle
Why? ‘Cause they always got time for drama!
(The good kind of drama that you talk about over wine and/or Happy Meals.)
Karin, the Fearless (and Endlessly Joyful) Leader of our AHG Troop
You may think that you’re too busy to go out and the truth is, Mom, you probably are! Make time anyway; go out with your girlfriends.
Christine (Endless Ways) and Jamie (Lord, Make Me a Saint)
Sarah from With a Hopeful Heart
Your husband can’t (and shouldn’t have to) handle it all.
III. Clean and Clear
My Marie Kondo-inspired tidying came to a bit of a halt in July. We’re redoing the ceiling in our family room and, well, I’ve been distracted.
Let me say this, though: Having a clean and decluttered home gives me peace–tremendous peace.
Pockets of beauty is my current goal.
(Decluttering is next.)
(I’m trying!)
IV. Find a Park and your Sense of Peace
That said, sometimes ALL I NEED TO FIND MY PEACE is to spend time outside away from those four(ish) walls.
When in doubt, get up and go.
Your kids will thank you. You will thank you!
In the above picture, Francis is coming over to request demand that I play. Seriously, he took my book right out of my hands and zipped it up inside my purse.
Here’s a visual.
That’s okay. I needed the exercise.
V. Cull what’s Unnecessary and/or Harmful
I’m not going to use photos to illustrate this point because what I’m going to say is too important. That sounds presumptuous, but honestly, I did a ton of intellectual culling this summer and it was the best thing I could have done.
What do I mean by “intellectual culling”? I mean that I tried to be super vigilant about what I let into my head.
Here’s an example: I am more or less addicted to Facebook. Could I go a day without clicking over? Probably not. You might be thinking, “So what? I am too!” Well, have you ever clocked the amount of time that you spend there? I have, and it’s always more time than I have.
Another problem, for me anyway, is that I’m not intentional about what I read at Facebook. I can’t be! It’s the luck of the draw! And so I sit, passively absorbing it all, and this bothers me because I HAVE NO CHOICE.
ISIS beheadings, drowned Syrian refugees, an aborted child getting its poor skull cracked…
My heart pretty much breaks and that’s not good. My husband and children need a happy wife!
Bottom line: I need to guard my heart. I need to be mindful about what I read, and that meant (this summer) books by Gretchen Rubin and Tolstoy.
Anna Karenina! Required reading for Well-Read Mom!
We’re all different, right? And what you need to be at peace in your world is going to be different; I accept that. I just can’t be a news junkie anymore because too much of that news takes me away from my vocation. It drains my energy and attacks my hope.
“If your eye is sound,” said the Lord, “you whole body will be full of light” (Matt. 6:22). Simplify your judgment. Do not turn things over and over, but instead proceed directly and with confidence. In this world there are only two things: you and God. Nothing else should disturb you, unless God should so command it, and then only to that extent. Keep your sight fixed upon God and yourself.” (St. Francis de Sales, A Rose among Thorns)
VI. Become a Believer in Second Chances
Uffda! That got kinda heavy! Here’s a cute kid photo to lighten up the mood:
These kids. They keep me young and age me prematurely.
I love and need their innocence.
VII. Ask God for the Graces that You Need
Finally, and most important of all, I recommend spending more time in prayer. You can’t go wrong, really; time spent with God is time well spent.
I know this sounds obvious but sometimes the obvious escapes us.
Give Him five as often as possible, and then when that’s becomes a habit, give Him fifteen or even thirty.
You won’t regret it.
I know I don’t.
Good to hear from you again!
Thank you, Jennifer! Now it’s YOUR turn… : )
this is so wonderful! Such wisdom for a mom here with 2 littles just trying to see the big picture!
You’ve probably heard this before, Shannon, but as it gets easier physically it gets much HARDER emotionally.
So be warned. 😉
Thank you, Margaret. Even though my kids are grown (at least in years, ha), there was much here that hit a chord with me, too. Oh, and I loved the picture of your little one putting your book away. 🙂 So cute.
Thank you, Margaret Mary. I love having little ones in my life, even when they’re little stinks.
So worth the wait to read from you again. While I am at a different place in this mothering season, I found myself in some of those same places this summer. As I near the baby season again, I think this list will even help me in the coming months.
I could identify with each in some way on your list, but #5- most definitely and that’s why Instagram suits me better right now. Fb stresses me out, makes me anxious and takes away my joy. Yes, there are these other things going on in the world and so many needs for prayer, but my domestic church needs a happy wife and mom. Leaning on friendships- I so have to get better at that. Miles and obligations of my small circle of friends seems to be the biggest obstacle to having that luxury. As for the Clean and Clear, that’s totally my heart. BUT, I had to do it in fits and starts just because busyness and LIFE. One day it was a couple kitchen cabinets and the pantry that gave me a good amount of boxes full of ‘stuff’ and dishes I just never use and a load to Goodwill. That was fulfilling and how I had to attack it. “Pockets of Beauty” – I love that! It’s exactly what I’m finding works right here, right now. Wonderfully put.
Blessings on your September and the autumn that approaches. May your summer full of baby steps gently lead you into the new season ahead of you.
One day (and one cupboard!) at a time, sweet Sarah, ESPECIALLY when one’s expecting. ♥
I’m so glad your priorities were with your family. I had all of my chicks home for two glorious weeks this summer. I enjoyed every minute and took a zillion(so they think) group pictures. It is a precious blessing to read your blog and I am looking forward to reading with Well Read Mom this year. May God bless you with His peace.
You’re doing Well Read Mom too, Debbie? That’s wonderful!
Hi Margaret! Your list could not have come at a better time. Every single one of your points there applies to issues in my life at this moment! We may be finding a park to play at in a moment as my littlest does not want to give up nursing and playing outside is the only thing that distracts him.
Weaning is so, SO hard! Grab a quilt and go to the park!!
Glad the send off of your oldest went well. I was an emotional wreck..but time marches on.
I am so heartbroken at what is happening with ISIS and their evil. I am one who likes to be informed. I do think it is more peaceful to just not know and live in a bubble. Not a care in the world attitude.
Love this post. Love seeing you, me, Sarah andJamie! Friends are a blessing.
They ARE evil, Christine, and I’m not advocating not knowing and praying.
I just don’t want to see all those photos. 🙁
Margaret, I would go to the link for your page about once a week. I SO understand the feelings about your oldest. We brought my youngest to a wonderful Catholic University nine hours away. Such a wrenching in my heart! All of your points spoke to me. I really need to -read this again, Thank you!
I know you “get” my mother’s heart, Linda! I take consolation in my son attending school in town…although I’d probably prefer a wonderful Catholic University. 🙂
Why is your blog not updating in my sidebar? Grrr.
I know how you feel about leaving a son at college. Twice I’ve done it now. Noah is living at home and going to Ohio Dominican U, and even though I don’t want him to go away, staying home isn’t great either. Have I ever told you about the term “soiling the nest”? That’s what kids do when they need to leave. They make it difficult to stay. They make you want them to go. Yeah, that’s where we are now, with a 13 yo girl and a soiling-the-nest son. It gets pretty ugly.
I’ll pray for you. Pray for me. And kiss those babies. Gosh as least they are still sweet! I need to come and get some sweet baby kisses.
You pray for me and I’ll pray for you? You got it, dear! Motherhood is not for the weak.
Tears. I’m all choked up now. Loved this. The whole Facebook thing, I SO get that. And I just yesterday asked a friend of mine to join my Catholic Women’s book club, she has 11 children (silly me, right?) but her response made me really want to not do it, to wish I’d said no too. She said, something like she just can’t be a “joiner” because it’s so hard on the family. Because they need a happy mom.
You know, I’ve always hated that saying of doing whatever makes you happy…I love the saying of “Do whatever makes you HOLY” so much better. Actually those things that make us holy actually make us happy though. So, for me, if not blogging as much or not being on Facebook is what will help me in my holiness, then, I need to do that. (Sometimes I think I only blog really, to be cool. Or to try to be cool or something. For that gratification of being and feeling worthwhile.
I don’t know…I’m rambling.
I love this, I love you. I hate that picture of us making funny faces though. (but it’s OK, I like the next one!)
Proof that I haven’t been blogging as much? I am JUST getting back here to respond to this comment!
I love you too, sweet Jamie. I get what you’re saying and know you get me–you “get” me to the point where it’s scary. God’s got this, right? Always and always.