I wonder how best I can observe this Lent.
I wonder if I can go all 40 days and not become obsessed, depressed, discouraged or judgmental. It’s a fine line I walk—either I do great at staying “on plan” and become all prideful as a result, or I fail repeatedly and hate myself.
Somehow I don’t think that’s the goal.
I wonder how best I can make it through Lent and not become a penance Nazi. My children, unfortunately, are a lot like me—earnest, good-natured, fun-loving, weak. We burst out of the gate at a very good pace but lose speed (and discipline) as the six weeks progress.
Those 40 days get long for a family like mine. We do much, much better living La Vida Easter.
I wonder how best I can do this Whole40 and not become, you know, that person who’s always talking about food.
I wonder if I can stop guzzling coffee—coffee with half & half, coffee with cream. I wonder if I could switch to tea? Because drinking coffee black just tastes like a**.
I wonder how—or if ever—I’ll stop obsessing about food.
I wonder how best not to be competitive, and to be content with the person I am. To that I end, I have made some note cards that read:
“I am not Mrs. Jones.”
“I am not my friend.”
“I am not (yet) a saint.”
I hope if nothing else to grow in patience this Lent—patience with how far I’ve come; patience with how far I’ve to go.
I hope, too, to grow in humility this Lent. I do pretty well accepting the penance I’ve picked but cut me off on the highway? Or in the parking lot? Look out.
Finally, I wonder how best to grow in love this Lent, because that, as always, should be the greatest goal of our hearts. We can have it all, says the Apostle Paul—perfect Mass attendance, the best prayers, hardest penance—but if we don’t have love, we are lost. We are poor.
It’s Lent 101 for little souls like me.
Do I want to nail it?
It’s simple.
Love.
Beautiful!
Thank you, sweet Faith.
(PS. You get up early!)
Slow and steady, my friend! I am with you on the Whole40! I was doing GREAT up until dinner on Saturday, and since I've been a little half-hearted (and unprepared) and I had to have ice cream with my kiddos last night! I secretly planned to do it through Holy Saturday, so here we go! God bless your Lenten journey! God knows your heart, He is near to you, and He loves you so very much!
Somehow it's making ALL the difference, knowing I'm uniting my food sacrifices to this Lenten journey.
(Of course, it's only the start of Day 2, but I did really well yesterday! ; )
I was going to sing "Lean on me," but really…Lean on Him. Happy Lent…in, ya know, the penitential sort of happy way.
I will never sing that song the same…
Well written. I'm there. Today starts lent and I'm not prepared. May our Lenten journeys be blessed by exactly what God intends them to be. May we be fruitful along the way and grow toward sainthood. Blessings to you this Lent!
HOW are you not prepared, sweet Sarah? Lent is a journey, as you've noted. Let's just keep our eyes on our Guide and trust His path! And blessings to you, dear friend.
I made everyone here read this yesterday and they all liked it and got it. Can I ask, do you do family sacrifices? I mean where everyone is giving up the same thing? Because I find that that helps, there is strength in numbers.
I had read this earlier in the day (like, 3:00 a.m.? : / ) but never thought to share it with the family. What a good suggestion, as is doing family sacrifices. They would memorable, that's for sure! Memorable (I hope) in a good way.
Reading posts like this remind me how we can have seemingly very different lives yet such similar struggles as we strive to be more about love.
It's a kindred spirit thing, Carolyn, these similar struggles of ours. I do hope your "very different life" is someplace warmer, for your sake. ; )
You know, one reason I love you so much, and always have, is because I suffer with many of the same issues as you. So, there is an empathy there I feel. I started this Lent carrying the heavy burden of my sins from this weekend. This weekend of another long weekend of a holiday and a snow day (DAMN SNOW) and being stuck in the house with all the kids. I just don't handle it well. And I don't think I ever will. I went to Mass where my older three go to school, and while two of my other kids were at their school, I had the 22 month old. Who is just…*sigh* a handleful. After receiving Communion, I walked into the back with her into an open confessional, because it was dark, and my heart was so heavy (and my arms) with my utter inability to be a good person, a good mom, wife, and Catholic. I started silently weeping, and then I looked up…and there was a crucifix on the wall…in the shadows, with just a small bit of light streaming across it. I know this sounds silly, but I felt like in that moment, the Lord was like, "But don't you see, you will never change, because you are sinful, and you need to be humble enough to come to Me, always, and I am here waiting to hold you. Look what I did for you because I see how much you struggle and how much you need Me" I had so much peace after that because you know…it will always be something. So instead of trying to be something, I need to accept myself as I am, and give all of that to Him, and let Him do whatever it is He wants with me. It was kind of freeing, honestly. I'll keep praying for you sweetie. I love you to pieces.
I loved that Jen. And I love you too.
I love you too Jamie! I was thinking about you today 🙂
We've been through a lot together, Jen! (And Jamie too, for that matter. Love you both.) I've had so many moments like you describe, where the weight of my failure is almost unbearable…I'm crying…I look to Him and…peace.
That small bit of light that you saw on the cross? Just beautiful!
Loved this. Love you. I'm all about the love. (not the base like the song says)
I fail though and am not always showing that love in the way I think I should be.
God bless you and your lent.
I always get to lent and want to write the things I'm feeling, and I just can't.
I end up reading and taking it all in. This has helped me with that.
I have to say it does feel a little sacrilegious being where we are and trying to "sacrifice". Snow and cold seems more of a penance. No worry though, we are leaving in a week and most of our Lent will be Minnesota. (I'm not kidding there)
13 Lents ago, (has it been that long?!) John and I spent half a week in New Orleans. I totally get that "sacrilegious" feeling! And I'm pretty sure I went "off plan" in terms of my lenten penance that week.
The good news is, we "brought back" Felicity! I call her my little Cajun queen. ; )
I totally get the food obsession/giving it up to detach myself thing and then treating others without the charity that should be behind it all. Why is it that our Lord's greatest commandment can seem the hardest? I'm reading "Consoling the Heart of Jesus" this Lent by Fr. Michael Gaitley, a "do-it-yourself-retreat" which is supposed to "inspire little souls to trust Jesus" and His Divine Mercy.
You sacrifice so much in all you do for your family – he doesn't expect perfection. Just trust and reach out to Him – He will pick you up and carry you the rest of the way.
And – I'm so glad Barbara said "Happy Lent" and worded that sentiment so well 😉 – I wish you the same and will pray for you!
I love "Consoling the Heart of Jesus"! It would be a wonderful Lenten read and you tempt me to take my copy down from the shelf. I'm starting his 33 Days to Morning Glory on Friday, too!
Thank you for your sweet comment, Mary. ♥
I love your blog. It always resonates. Thank you for writing so humbly about what we all experience. – Catholic writing from Shanghai, China
All the way from Shanghai, huh? Wow! That's beautiful to think of our shared experiences, even with your being so far away.
Thank you for the comment and have a blessed & holy Lent, Meg!
Ah, Lent! I love you, I hate you! 🙂
This year, I'm picking one (1!!!) thing and trying to do that well. No big, long, impossible, try to tackle every fault I've ever had, list this year.
Do you have "come see your friend up North" on your list? It wouldn't count as penance (I hope), but would be refreshing! 🙂
And…tried that "Not Mrs.Jones" thing, but then I had an identity crisis.
Prayers for you all this Lent. Much love being sent your way!!!!!!!!
Believe me, I think about packing up the girls (and, okay, my little men) and heading up your way ALL the time. Can we wait until it's not so Arctic, though?!
Much love to YOU, Mrs. Jones!! I promise not to try to keep up with you. ; )