Alternately Titled: A Change of Heart
This is the view from my couch this morning, the spot where I sat when I finally caved. I can’t do this. I can’t not talk to you for another long three weeks.
I’m sorry. I’m fickle. I’m sad. I’m lonely.
Note: I’m not as sad as I was when I decided–rashly, without the advice of my priest or my husband–not to blog throughout the whole of Advent. Here’s the thing. I made that decision literally minutes after receiving the notice about the funeral…and I don’t *think* it was the best one for me. And that’s the problem: I don’t think it was…but I don’t know! I am trying to trust my heart here without the benefit of a spiritual director.
I need to get a spiritual director.
In any case, I realized that I was turning Advent into a far darker season that I wanted it to be. I have given up sweets and wheat and potatoes. (My beloved mashed potatoes!) I do not think (again, key word is “think”) that I need to ignore my friends and be ignored by them.
That hurts my heart. I don’t think that’s God’s will.
Finally, one last thought on this subject is this: if I am not blogging, I am not sharing–and my family’s traditions go unrecorded. I don’t want that; I want to remember and hope that, perhaps, you might find among our family traditions one or two that work for you.
Here’s a tradition that we’ll begin tomorrow: Since it’s the feast of good St. Nicholas, the children will draw Kris Kringles out of a hat. I told them last night that “Kris Kringle” means “Christ Child”, and that the sibling they pick will be their Baby Jesus. They will do little things for their Kris Kringle–making their beds, picking up after them–and they will pray daily for their Kris Kringle.
(Praying daily for their sibling is no little thing.)
And that is that. Forgive me my weakness.
Happy 2nd week of Advent.
Hi! Glad you are back! And glad I checked to see if you were really going to take a blogging break!
I like the Kris Kringle idea. Do the kids keep secret who they have chosen?
Blessed Advent to you!
I'm glad I'm back too, Karen, and I'm glad (though not surprised) that you know me well enough to check back!
Yes, the children keep their Kris Kingles a secret.
Woops! Meant to type Kris Kringle.
Thank you for continuing to blog! Blessings to you in this special season.
Debbie
Sorry, had to fix the typos:
You are not weak… you are human. And being human is allowed and encouraged. Love you!
We do Kris Kringles but I have never encouraged them to pray for their secret sibling. I am going to share that with them right now.
Yay!! You're back! This is exactly why I don't give it up….did it once or twice and can't do it again!!
We do the drawing name thing, but call it secret Christmas Angels, and you are right, it is no small task to get them to pray for eachother!
We should wait til St Nicholas day though…did it a long time ago!
You are not weak, you are human and need human contact to survive. We all do!
Happy to have you back! Blessed Advent!!!
Glad to see you back, Margaret. I have been touched by the Advent liturgy that it isn't dark and dreary. There is an impatient haste, expectancy — and so much comfort! Yesterday's liturgy was just dripping with comfort and joy.
Oh good!
Hooray! Hooray!! Hooray!!!
Hi Margaret., You put a smile on my face by deciding on blogging during advent.
Kelly
Hi, Margaret
I have only recently begun following your blog but in a very short time it has become one of my favorites! I so enjoy your take on things and you always make me laugh. So thanks for not really going "away" during Advent. Thanks also for the Kris Kringle idea…I'll be incorporating that as a new family tradition for us.
Thank you, everyone, for your kind encouragement. I was so afraid that no one would comment! Seriously.
Jennifer, you expressed the thoughts in my heart so well. Advent is a joy-filled season of expectancy–and so, so beautiful.
Yippee! I'm glad you're back! I love your Kris Kringle idea. I think we're going to give that a try this year. I really like how it is focused on doing little acts of charity and prayer. Any chance I can get to refocus my children's attention away from material gain is good.
P.S. It was fun to have a buddy to "watch" the game with yesterday. š Thanks for that. I hope I wasn't too obnoxious.
I glad, too! I like seeing what other families hold dear during this time of year. Happy Advent.
On the contrary, Kelly! Yesterday's Facebook conversation–filled as it was with comradery and friendly teasing–made me really re-think my impetuous decision.
So there you go. You made me do it.
I don't want to sound all religious or obnoxious, but isn't it true that, "when two or more gather in my name, I shall be there"? Being able to share sorrow as well as joy with others is a blessing not only for yourself but for them too. I am glad of this opportunity (even though we are strangers) to give you a virtual (((hug))) and say I am so sorry for the recent tragedy. And I wish you a beautiful Advent, thank you for sharing it with us š
By the way, I certainly don't think you are weak. I admire your strength in living with heart.
I LOVE your Advent decor!
I knew you'd be back! Well, not really. I suspected you'd be back. Over the weekend I was sharing with hubby about your On Second Thought post and I concluded with "well, she says she's taking an Advent break, but she's Margaret…I think she'll rethink it and be back…." lol.
It is always good to be surrounded by good friends, kind words and open hearts during Advent too. And, add in some Margaret and we all enjoy the season a little more š Welcome back again!
I love the Kris Kringle idea. May have to give it a try, but figure out a way to include all of us in the family.
Glad you're back! I was going to email and ask you to reconsider. I know that hit-by-a-ton-of-bricks-feeling when you hear of the untimely death of a young person. Sends you reeling. As our priest always reminds us, Advent is a time of penance but it is different from Lent. Advent is less austere, and should be marked by Joy! See how many people you made joyful by blogging again!
Happy Dance — You were greatly missed!!!
LOVE your tree! Welcome back.
First, I love the mistake "Kris Kingles" it's fun to say – it's funny!!! Just say it a few times really fast! Try it with accents!
J/K. I kept checking back as well. I always will. Just remember we all have our own weaknesses . . . and when child dies, it is not shocking to be profoundly bothered by that! I knew you'd take that to heart – who wouldn't? Who doesn't need time to wrap their heads around such a tragic event? You have a heart of gold and are a beautiful person – do.not.forget.that.truth!!!
I love reading about your family doings . . . I'm glad you changed your mind (again). Tee hee.
Aloha, dahling gel!
Yay! I love to see what your beautiful family gets up to in the Christmas season. Blessings,
Joolz
Glad to hear I'm not the only one who is fickle…and real!;). Blessed Advent!
I'm gonna share the Kris Kringle idea with the kids.
Glad you aren't taking a blogging break. We need the cheer you bring. Do you see yourself as cheery? Really, you may carry certain feelings on your sleeve; but your warm, caring and honest soul is full of the very joy we all need.
Bet you didn't think all that comes across the interent huh :0)?
Do I see myself as cheery, Elizabeth? Well, I'm a sanguine/melancholic, which means that most days find me happy-pink, but when I'm down I'm low, low down.
(loosely quoting Dr. Seuss)
I'm glad you're back Margaret. I was missing you. I'm praying for the family of the young boy and for your family as well. Thank you for the blessing of your blog.
Glad your back. I too checked back to see if you came back early from your break and needless to say I was pleased to see that you did. š
Happy St. Nick's Day!
Katie
Huzzah for M in MN š
I'm glad you're back. No one should have to go without sweets, potatoes, AND blogging all at the same time.
{Hugs.} xo