The Story of My Conversion
Part II: The Age of Reason
Subtitled: “Smoking, Stealing and Sins against the Sixth Commandment”
You were within me, but I was outside, and it was there that I searched for you. In my unloveliness I plunged into the lovely things which you created. You were with me, but I was not with you. Created things kept me from you; yet if they had not been in you they would have not been at all. (St. Augustine)
You would think that a little girl growing up in a little North Dakotan town would behave, for the most part. Were you to think this, you’d be wrong. I got into no end of mischief, starting right around the age of 7.
That’s the thing about sinfulness. It has a way of finding you and claiming you, provided that you’re open. Our youth does not exclude us from the snarls and the snares of Satan—on the contrary, I think the young are even more susceptible…
…though “vulnerable” might be a better word.
I mentioned in my last post that the war upon my innocence began at a very early age. My parents—God bless them—did their best to give me the best they could: Catholic school, Catholic summer camp, all sorts of lessons to keep me busy.
They did not, however, keep a close enough eye on all my friendships. They did not know, for example, that my neighbor (a girl from school two years my senior) was a shoplifter and a smoker (among other things). The theme of this post, then, could well be the damage done on a child by his/her bad friendships.
Take this neighbor of mine as an example. I knew, from the first time that I went to her house for a visit, that she stole things. She had a shelf full of those big Bonne Bell lip smackers which for us middle school girls were the epitome of cool. They were expensive, though—$2.50 a pop—and most of us could only afford one. (The little six-packs were a better deal and oh my goodness! All those flavors!)
Anyway. Was my friend’s mother none the wiser for all her daughter’s acquisitions? Did she not have a clue about all those lip smackers on the shelf in her daughter’s bedroom?
So yeah. My friend was a great big stealer and she taught me all the tricks of her illicit trade. Candy and make-up are tempting to a child—so much so that we are often willing to overlook what we know about the 7th commandment in order to have what we want, when we want.
And that’s the nature of sinfulness, isn’t it? We choose a lesser good thinking that it’s the path to happiness and end up that much further from the God who loves us. We don’t know what it means to love Him back with all our heart.
I need to pause at this point to make my peace with the way my parents raised me. It was a different day and age—a different generation. My parents were hardworking, middle class and older. Their method of parenting was to provide for my physical needs to the best of their ability and they just assumed (wrongly) that my spiritual needs were being met at the Catholic school I attended from grades one through six. (Ironically, one of the reasons they worked so hard was to pay for this education.) They were not of a temperament to talk things through with me and I don’t fault them for that, though I know now how important it is to be upfront with our children as much as possible.
Back to the neighbor girl. The second way in which this grade school friend of mine did damage was to introduce me to smoking. (I have long since quit so don’t you worry.) We were hanging out in an house that was being built on our block—didn’t you just love playing in those houses under construction?—and she said that she had something that began with the letter “C.”
“Candy?” I said, feeling miserable. I knew what she was talking about and I knew that it was wrong. Again, I was younger and weaker and alone with her cajoling. I gave in to the pressure she imposed.
Moral platitude here: We need to be aware of what our children and their friends are up to, obviously. I am very reluctant to send my kids to play at the neighbors’ houses because you just don’t know. I would rather have them here where I can watch them. Because of my past I am not all that trustful, I’m afraid. I am aware of the “games” that kids will play.
Which brings me to the third and final way in which this “friend” of mine did damage. You know without my having to be explicit, I think, and really it’s not that surprising. Once we open to the door to the devil—in our consistent breaking of one or two of the commandments—we make ourselves vulnerable to breaking more and more of them. The sins against the Sixth Commandment are by far some of his favorites.
Yuck and yuck and yuck, I know. Yet, this is out there and it has been since the beginning. This is such a tender subject and one that I address from time to time with my children. The older kids and I talk in vague terms about “tricky” people who make you feel uncomfortable, (like the priest at the Catholic summer camp I attended who gargled with Listerine and then kissed all the girls goodnight), and we talk in specific terms about the beauty and the dignity of the human body.
We talk a lot about modesty, and we pray. Does this sound like the ending of my last post? I’ve repeated it almost verbatim because I am convinced that prayer is the very best way to safeguard the innocence of our children. The St. Michael prayer is very powerful, as well as devotion to Our Blessed Mother and our guardian angel. They will protect us but we must ask…
…daily.
Next up: Early Adolescence (Ages 11-14)
Ad Jesum per Mariam,
When I read this, all I can think of is Revelations: “Behold, I make all things new”. Indeed, He has. I look forward to reading more…
You’re being very brave –
I think we had a very similar childhood. I’m glad you turned out so well…I’m still working on it.
Oh, Margaret. I’ve a tale along these lines, too, and is it any wonder we go to such lengths to protect our own children?
You are so brave Margaret. There’s so much I would say to you in person, but here I’ll just say that you’re making me feel better about the choices I’ve made with my own children.
God bless you, Margaret, for your honesty and desire to uplift and inform. We share a few of the same awful experiences. It took awhile, but I thank God for every experience I’ve had. It has made me a far more vigilant guard of my own children, at a time when the wolf is always at the door. My continued prayer is for the protection of the innocence and purity of my children. For our home to be a model of the home our dear Lord was so privileged to share with St. Joseph and His Blessed Mother.
Thank you for reliving your pain and sharing your experience for the sake of saving souls. Have a blessed day!
You are indeed very brave. I know others (esp. family members) think I’m overprotective, but when I remember some of the things I experienced as a child… Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your story.
Margaret, this is a good thing you do. Thank-you for sticking your neck out to share this. For the same reasons, we’ve raised our children with prayer and precautions. (Your story is so like mine, it’s scary! The devil uses the same tricks on so many!)
I am also a very protective mama. Rule #1 “No sleepovers”. Not even with cousins. When my kids bother me with “why why why…” I tell them because one day when I meet Jesus face to face he will ask me did I do my best to protect you and I will say: Yes! We must continue everyday to fight this spiritual battle and if people think I am Amish – so what!
Yes, this is exactly we need to protect our children. I prefer all the children to come here also. This is another of the reasons we homeschool. We are in a sense picking our children’s friends. By associating with the people we trust and know have the same values. They obviously pick their friends within that capacity of friends we provide. We still need to be always aware.
Overprotective? Yes we are, so what?
Thank you Margaret, I will pray for you today not to carry this post with you all day, that you leave it here, the icky stuff that is.
Margaret, you know, it is unlike me to see much good in revealing evil and negativity. But I can see tremendous good in these posts of yours. You are indeed brave, and beautifully open. Sharing these experiences will inspire many mothers and help their little ones to fight this battle against sin with more vigilance.
God bless you, and have a wonderful weekend. 🙂
I can relate to the way you were raised … loving parents that just did not “see” it all. In my family I was probably the “good” kid, but my sisters and brother strayed a bunch.
Thank you for sharing … it is definitely enlightening. I can imagine that you are a great wonderful Mom who is very involved with her children.
Peers are SUCH a powerful influence, aren’t they? I know that your children will have a very different childhood tale to tell someday – thanks to God’s grace, your experience, and your vigilance too. What a strong foundation they’ll have!
You are a wise, wise woman, Margaret! God bless you!
I think there must have been a time when *most* adults worked together to protect children and demand good behavior. I think our parents assumed that other parents were “similar” and that little damage would come from their influence.
My own mother was warned about the father of my best friend and her dysfunctional family situation. My mother, in all charity, felt that perhaps our family’s goodness might rub off on her. Possibly it did, HOWEVER, it would have been best if that had occurred exclusively under my family’s roof. My unsupervised hours at her house did not lead to much good influencing on my part.
In charity, you might like to save another soul. In reality, you might lose your own child’s soul. That’s a hefty risk.
Thank you for your post, Margaret. We are the same age (41) and I grew up in a good home, went to Catholic school, had parents who loved and cared for me and my siblings and yet, still sinned. I smoke and drank in high school and did all sorts of things that I am ashamed of. Each one of us is born with original sin and I think that as a parent you can do all that you can do to protect your children, but they will be faced with temptations of their own. Nobody (except Mary) is immune to it.
Yes, Margaret. We MUST be diligent in protecting our children. You story shows that it takes very little for them to be led astray. Frequently one sin begets another and suddenly they are too far down the wrong path.
Pray for their precious souls and keep them close (and splashing them with holy water doesn’t hurt either).
Thank you for sharing. I needed to know an example of someone surviving such a past as my ‘well protected’ daughter has revealed way too much lately of the sin active in her life.
We can do our best to protect our children from outside influences, but we also need to realize that they need to know about things in the world. Sometimes we do our children a diservice by protecting them too much. A balance is needed. Thank You Margaret for sharing your very courageous self with us! God Bless You!
I am glad you are writing these. Our Catholic school Kindergarten round up is next week and we are going to check it out to make an “informed decision” about Catholic vs homeschooling.
Really, though, my biggest draw to homeschooling is to protect the innocence of my kids in their tender formative years.
I am so thankful that we live out in the country and have a lot of “control” over who we visit and when…I had a lot of bad experiences with various neighborhood kids while growing up.
Margaret, again, thank you for being so open in these posts – as hard as it may be for you – it is very encouraging for us. I know that many people believe I am overprotective, but I see no reason for my children to be “thrown to the wolves” until they are ready. 🙂 My mother was considered overprotective by some just because she insisted that she meet the parents of my friends – but looking back I wish she has been more so. While she didn’t trust “strangers” – she was far too trusting with extended family members – and I paid the consequences for that. It is important that our children know the difference between what is right and wrong – and that is one thing they won’t learn on their own. That is one of the main reasons we homeschool – if my boys learn nothing else (which is ridiculous, they’re way ahead of grade level) – they will know the difference between right and wrong.
~Jenny
Margaret, thank you for sharing this with us. As I read it, I’m there with you. It seems many of those experiences you share, are the very ones I myself have experienced, and unfortunately I’m sure so have many others.
At my retreat this last weekend (the Spiritual Exercises) I did a general confession for the first time. I was soon made aware of the great love and mercy of God. You are a testament to that love and mercy.
So again, thank you for sharing this, and know that through it you are witnessing to God’s great love, and his ability to work through even the worst of the muck we find ourselves in.
God bless you!
Thank you so much for being brave enough to post your story. I think you’ll find there are many that have tread a similar path, and I hope they are as encouraged by your story as I am. God does indeed make all things new. I’m eager to hear more about your journey for I can see that it will be of the “Happy Ending” sort.