The most fundamental, the simplest, and the most effective form in which living faith becomes inspiring testimony will certainly always be found in the Christian family.(Father Karl Adam, Theologian)
In honor of my wedding anniversary yesterday (12 wonderful years!) and on today’s happy feast of the Holy Family, I would like to say a few words about the sacrament of marriage.
I once mentioned being thankful for the sacramental graces that are present in one’s marriage—literally for the taking—if only a husband and his wife were to ask for them. A couple of readers asked me to elaborate on this idea and so, to the best of my humble abilities, I’m going to give it a go.
These marital graces are real, truly they are, but too often they are left to gather dust on the shelf like some long-forgotten wedding gift.
Or like a Bible that’s never cracked open.
Or a Catechism that goes unread.
This is risky on the part of the married couple. Did you not get the office memo? Families are under attack, you know, and we need GREAT GRACE to withstand the pressures put upon us from the world and from the devil.
Whew. Deep stuff, eh?
It’s late and I’ve had just enough coffee to want to pursue this line of thought, though. Bear with me, please.
Everywhere I look, I see that good Catholic families are cracking. A divorce or two here, a ton of cohabitation there, and—on a simpler but just as disturbing level—I’m seeing siblings who refuse to even be in the same room as one another.
And this is just in the house next door!
Kidding. Only kidding.
The truth is, I’m trying to lighten the tone of a pretty serious subject, which is that there are many good Catholic families that are just…cracking.
I’m singling us Catholics out by denomination because, well, we’re not supposed to be doing these things. Divorcing, cohabitating, hating our siblings…all these things are so not Rome, you know?
And they’re wreaking total havoc on our families.
So here’s my point. If we are who we say we are, and the Church is what it claims to be, we should have the means at our disposal to overcome these alarming trends. God has not—would not—leave us high & dry to fight these battles. He gives us the grace that we need to not divorce and our children the grace to not live together outside of marriage…
…despite the siren call of societal trends and the understandably human desire to do what’s easy.
As parents, our strength lies in the unfathomable gift of a good marriage. I am convinced that by the grace of a good marriage—a holy marriage, and one where the couple prays together daily—a family is made strong and ultimately stays together. Our children grow up with a sense of what is right and further, they see that at the center of a happy family is always…God.
Period.
As parents, we are the most influential people in our children’s lives. We are the primary educators. When they see us put God first in our relationship with each other, not only are they seeing how it strengthens our relationship, but they are also learning how to put God first in their own life.
Here’s what the Catechism has to say:
By reason of their state in life and of their order, [Christian spouses] have their own special gifts in the People of God. This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children (Paragraph 1641).
Christ is the source of this grace. Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ, and to love one another with supernatural, tender and fruitful love (1642).
Supernatural, tender and fruitful love.
Therein lies my daily goal.
Ad Jesum per Mariam,
What a great post. My husband and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary today (the 30th) and I sincerely hope and pray that we are able to do what you have spelled out here. Marriage is a great and wonderful and powerful gift … if we chose to recognize that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and happy belated anniversary! 🙂 Have a blessed day.
Amen and amen! Well said, Margaret!
Bravo, Margaret! Beautifully put. Thank you for posting this. It is a good reminder (and kick in the tush to keep that praying going) for us families. We are the Church Militant, and the family is the main battleground these days. You rock! 🙂
After 25 years of hot monogamy, I can say what happens in Jesus stays in Jesus. Its a trinity of love between God and the husband and wife.
Grace is the glue in the good times and in the bad.
Best wishes to the Bride and congrats to the Groom!
We’ll be married 15 years this spring, and have found (as you said) that the family–especially the sacrament of Marriage–is under a specific kind of attack lately. We have to be ever vigilant and keep our eyes open to not fall prey to the Enemy. He is a liar and a thief wanting nothing more than to steal our joy and our souls (and as many more along with them). We have taken to praying the St. Michael prayer daily for the protection of our family.
God Bless you on your anniversary and best wishes for many more to come!
Jane
All so very, very true, Margaret. Beautiful.
Happy Anniversary!
Sorry about that…Happy Anniversary!
That was beautiful. What do you mean by praying together? Do you mean the rosary and other rote prayers, or do you mean “spontaneous” prayer the way Protestants pray? Although my husband likes praying the rosary, he won’t even consider the other kind. He thinks that kind of prayer is only for individuals in their head and not for two or more.
Anonymous: We do a mixture of both types of prayer. We try to pray a few decades of the rosary as a family after supper (children-led), and we always do evening prayer before bed which is led by my husband. He will pray “from the heart” for a moment or two, ask if anyone has special intentions, and then we pray an Our Father, a Hail Mary & a Glory Be.
Followed by God Bless Mommy & Daddy, Jem, Joe, etc. etc. etc. 🙂
>>>What do you mean by praying together? Do you mean the rosary and other rote prayers, or do you mean “spontaneous” prayer the way Protestants pray?
I don’t see the first as “rote” or the second as “the way Protestants pray”, but we do both. I think it is a challenge to avoid the rote, or mechanical, nature of some of the standard prayers, but we do try to have some life in them as we contemplate the mysteries behind these prayers.
As for spontaneous prayer, I once thought it was for you in your head, but I think its useful for the kids to see you praying that way and to learn it too. Otherwise they grow up thinking religion is a rote exercise rather than an intimate, loving relationship with God. I think the Bible is replete with examples where prayer was spontaneous and heartfelt communication with God.
Margaret – yes and Amen. Only, I cannot help but point out that part of your post was somewhat idealistic and well, it left out the whole notion of free-will and concupiscence.
I quote:
“As parents, our strength lies in the unfathomable gift of a good marriage. I am convinced that by the grace of a good marriage—a holy marriage, and one where the couple prays together daily—a family is made strong and ultimately stays together. Our children grow up with a sense of what is right and further, they see that at the center of a happy family is always…God.
Period.”
What about free will?
See, there are many, many examples of faithful ‘hardcore’ Catholic families with loving committed marriages who pray together as a couple and as a family daily, who have some # of teen/adult children who have chosen to throw it all out.
In our family alone (my husband is the 2nd oldest of 6 in one such Catholic family – seriously the holiest couple I know) and well, here’s the list:
oldest daughter: strong faith growing up, total youth group kid. She is now an atheist raising 2 atheist daughters.
My husband – still faithful, Catholic, prays daily, involved in Church – we are the most like my in-laws….I hope! 😉
Next daughter – co-habitation; now married and a lukewarm Catholic. Faith is important to her but not so much the Church.
Son #2 – lukewarm
Son #3 – Co-habitation; gambling problems.
Son #4 – straight and narrow – currently in college so time will tell.
I guess, I just wanted to point out that while all of what you said is true and beautiful, there is a big BUT….because we as parents can only do so much.
I fear that folks with the mentality that came at the end of the portion of your post that I quoted: “PERIOD.” – as if to say that there are no other factors in how our children turn out or more importantly the choices they make – those are the folks that blame themselves and carry guilt when their son or daughter chooses sin. I know my mother-in-law does – she blames herself for her children who have made these choices when in fact, she carries no true blame.
Make sense?
Peace,
Stacey
Stacey, you make an excellent point about free will and I must apologize for what may seem like an overly simplistic solution on my part.
I had a section on free will in an earlier draft of this post and somehow it got lost in the final edit. Mea culpa!
So yes, my friend, your comments make perfect sense. Thank you for adding them.
Very well done post, Margaret. I agree with you on all the beauty that can come from a holy, pure and true marriage. I like to think my marriage is like that and my children are the fruit and they will carry the gift of the faith. I also have seen families around me crumble and I know what they have left and I fear for their souls and pray for them and pray for God’s mercy –for do they not know how long Hell is —it is FOREVER and so many are on that path. Let us pray and pray especially for our children that they will always choose God.
As I type (while dealing with a stomach bug–yuck!) my beloved tends to the children upstairs, a true living example of servanthood and marital commitment. I am so blessed by him and grateful to have found a Godly man who desires to serve his wife and family above all else in the world. And yet we know, in the midst of happiness, that vigilence in prayer and sacraments is VITAL to our marital well-being and future. Praise God for his Church to lead us on the straight and narrow. Thanks for a wonderful reminder of that, Margaret. What a perfect post before the start of a new year…
I enjoyed reading this and the comments that followed. I’ll have to share this with the husband 😉
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The only other thing I would elaborate on in this beautiful post (thank you, Margaret!) is in your first paragraph. The graces from the Sacrament are always present for the couple to call upon. I know that for us, when facing a decision or difficult conversation/situation together, we will pray for the graces of our sacrament of unity for the wisdom to communicate well and make a good decision according to God’s Will for our family. Truly, we can almost feel a tangible difference in those moments and almost always reach a speedy and/or peaceful end to the situation at hand. As you pointed out, Margaret, the Sacrament of Matrimony is meant to give us this help!! God would not have called us on this journey without the graces to support us to it’s true end in Heaven!
Superb post.
Happy Anniversary!