Every so often and at times when I least expect it, the good Lord sees fit to embarrass me. His method, usually, is to focus on my predominant sin: capital P-R-I-D-E pride.
And oh, how I do bristle.
Do you know what your particular fault is? Mine has changed over the years. Growing up, I struggled with vanity far more than I did with pride. I didn’t care what people thought of my lifestyle as long as they thought I looked good as I lived it.
Later, after my conversion, that lifestyle changed dramatically. I thought I was on the path to sanctity and was quite surprised by the words of my spiritual director one year later. He was the same priest who had heard my general confession in all its ugliness, and I thought after hearing how much I’d cleaned my act up, he’d be—here’s that word again—proud of me and quick to commend my progress.
Instead his words were: watch out for pride.
How well he knew the strength of my new weakness!
Fast-forward to the present. On Saturday I was working hard to prepare a nice meal and became very proud of all my effort. Moms, you know the syndrome. I love you so much that I am going to all this work for you. Appreciate me! Tell me that I’m great!
Really, you would have thought I’d built a cathedral or composed a sonata for all my vainglory. I was that impressed with my accomplishments. I was that in need of affirmation.
Such an attitude can only lead to one’s emotional demise, of course. We’re just not made to be so self-absorbed! Sure enough, by the end of evening, I was feeling tired, tense and resentful.
In short, I became a bear.
Would you like to know what triggered the upheaval? Really? You’re going to make me tell? Like I said, it gets embarrassing…
…but here it is. My husband walked out before we’d had dessert and I was feeling most abandoned. His reason for leaving? He wanted to take the boys to confession!
Whoosh! In rushed those selfish emotions. It didn’t matter that his errand was more than noble. All I felt was…anger.
When he and the boys returned all fresh and clean from their absolution, I was still brooding. (Who was more in need of the sacrament that evening?) They happily asked if they could have their pie, but the bitter taste in my mouth stopped me from serving it. The family went off to bed without even a sliver, and I sat there wondering why.
Why do I do it? I am so pathetic. So little, so sad, so proud, so very selfish.
I am also human.
And I am loved despite my failings.
The best thing, I think, about such a prideful fall on my part is that (hopefully) the next day I have a new resolve and a deeper humility. At Mass, I asked my husband for his forgiveness before I approached the communion rail, (teasingly, he replied that I couldn’t have it), and we moved on.
We also had humble pie for breakfast. Have you tried it? It’s really good.
Ad Jesum per Mariam,
Oh, my dear Margaret, your humility is inspiring. Surely, that is the best defense against pride.
I have been there. It’s so tough to look that ugliness in the face. When my girls need to be disciplined, I always tell them: you don’t have to be perfect..but you do have to be honest about your mistakes, seek forgiveness, and then move on and try again.
I didn’t even have to tell you. You already knew.
Lots of prayers coming your way for a day of grace and unclogging. Love you!
hi my name is dessi and i love your blog, if you do not mind i have nominated you for the spirit of christmas award on my blog. you are an inspiration!!!!
I think we serve up heaping helpings of that, oh, at least two or three times A DAY around here and somehow I’m always the one with the fork in hand…
Thanks again for another great share.
Jane
Humble Pie is an important part of a balanced diet, isn’t it?
God love ya, babe.
Do we have the same life? I went to Mass on Sunday peeved for a reason I can’t even remember, and it was something to do with…wait…are you ready for this…ME! Then I got to thinking how silly I was being, how silly then thing I was upset about was, and later on I told my husband I was sorry for always being like this (his response was sort of like your husband..he said it was okay. He was used to it..which a cheeky grin on his face). I ask the Lord almost daily to deliver me from myself. It’s such a wonderful gift of love from Him to give us these pieces of pie. Imagine if we didn’t get them. Be thankful for the grace to recognize stuff like this. Something to be happy for, right? 🙂
Humble Pie. It always leave a strange taste in my mouth, I dread it but I know it is good for me… like brussel sprouts .
🙂
Were you listening in on my confession Saturday night, Margaret?!
How true, how true… it would be much easier to be *humble* in accepting their thanks and appreciation if they’d just express it to us!
My confessor’s advice was to spend time before the Blessed Sacrament meditating on how the recognition that matters comes from God, and to really allow that to permeate my heart. Fortunately, He’s always noticing the details our husbands and children may miss. Such is my renewed & brighter perspective now – all for the Glory of God! You’ve been an inspiration to me with that handy phrase several times too.
God bless you, Margaret!
This is one I struggle with as well… Oh how that pride creeps in unnoticed in so many ways! Good for you for recognizing it for what it is – sinful. And thank God for his bountiful grace!!
I have to say – I love that pic at the top of your post. Your little girl looks just like you. It was striking looking at her right next to your photo on the right.
Wonderful, wonderful! Thank you. Your humility reminds me to be aware of my pride.
Dear Margaret, you are not the only one! I was reading your blog entry and feeling *proud* of myself for not having that kind of moment (a refuse-to-serve-the-pie kind of moment)in a good long while; what fantastic progress I’m making!
Ha ha. Pride goes before a fall. I’m sure I’m in big trouble now!
I love your blog. Thank you for visiting mine today. 🙂
~Kimberly at Echowood
Something similar happened tonite with bedtime stories and our 3 year old missing out. (Daddy did read to her, since this bear could not handle her anymore!!) I guess I need to pray the Litany of Humility, as hard as it is to truly want those things!
God Bless you Margaret and your true humility, thanks for the post, from one bear to another!
I eat my share of humble pie regularly. Thank God for spiritual directors who know our weaknesses and assist us in trying to overcome them.
I really think that we moms should all get together for a humble pie and coffee night. I think we all have the same recipe. 😉