In a big house filled with people, it is not the rarest of occasions that things go missing. Often this means buying the more important of items—hairbrushes, socks, chocolate—in great big bunches so that you are certain to have at least one edition of whatever it is that you need when you should need it most.
Like before Mass on Sunday.
Or after Mass, in the case of chocolate.
Mind you, we wouldn’t need to buy these extra items if the people in this house were perfect, like me.
Snort.
Like, right.
I will say that my children don’t have the same sense of…order that their mom does. Socks don’t get washed, for example, if they’re lying balled up in the toy box. Hairbrushes should be returned to their spot in the cupboard under the bathroom sink and not left lying on the playground along with the doll that was having her hair done. The chocolate…well, don’t touch my chocolate.
And it’s not just category of “things that go missing” that gets irksome. Sometimes it’s the things that we find when we’re looking for the thing that’s lost that really gets to me, like the half-eaten gingersnap I discovered underneath the sock in the toy box; or the chunk of dried-up bread dough in the cupboard underneath the bathroom sink; or (this one’s my favorite) the congealed remains of a cup of milk on the pantry shelf behind the cereal.
I’m like, “What the heck?” It was in the process of becoming yogurt, for heaven’s sake!
You are right to assume that all this bugs me. “This is so not my will,” I mutter, as I remove said odd item to its rightful place (usually the garbage can) and life goes on.
Sometimes all I want is for our home to look like an ad for IKEA—a place for everything and everything in its place—when what I’ve got is Junk iz Us. On a good day of learning, when I’m in the zone, the messes do not bug me. But when we’ve had a long day and I find myself at the end of my (very frayed and sticky) rope, I find that I don’t do so well when I can’t find what I need.
Take last Thursday as an example. John Michael and I had one last subject —English—and we were done. I wanted to be done; I needed to be done. Alas, the book went missing.
Again, on a good day of learning I would have been able to think outside the box and substitute a different lesson. I didn’t want to do that, though. (Did I mention I can be stubborn?) What I wanted was for his schoolbooks to be kept in his tub where it belonged. What I wanted was for us all to be better organized. What I wanted was to Find. That. Book.
Suddenly I’m turning the house upside down looking for the pearl of great price, which in truth was just a workbook. I was being silly and I knew I was being silly but I am just obsessive-compulsive enough to not be able to help it. Suddenly this one book became symbolic of the many ways I felt I was failing: I am too far behind on the dishes and laundry; I haven’t been reading to the girls enough; I’m not milling my own wheat and buying organic.
Flylady calls it “Stinkin’ Thinkin” and she’s right. It stinks.
Eventually I just had to let it go. The world went on spinning without our having found the workbook, my son was no worse for not having reviewed his homonyms, (indeed, he probably felt he was better), and we all went outside to play.
I think what it all boils down to for me is the need to feel “in control” all the time. The fact of the matter is that we’re not in control (though doesn’t it feel good to think so?)—God is. We need to go to Him when things go missing, be it a book or a brush or even our patience. We grow in faith by having faith.
On one final note and so that you don’t feel you’re being left high and dry without a goodie bag, here are a few of our tricks for staying on top of “things”:
- Anything left on the dining room table at night gets swept into a small plastic bin for later sorting. I have fallen behind on the sorting task (as I am wont to do) and right now the bin is brimming with all sorts of items: buttons, markers, game pieces, coins.
- The kids’ rooms and main living areas are tidied every evening without fail. The children have a clever little trick of speeding up the job by pushing things under the dressers or the couch. Once a week I do a sweep. The kids look sheepish; I’m triumphant. (So there’s my shoe! So there’s my sweater! So there’s that stupid English book!)
- No one borrows anything without the owner’s permission. Read: don’t touch my things, please.
Especially my chocolate.
The above image is from Organized-Living.com.
Your blog had me nodding in agreement and been there realization. So glad to read I am not alone in finding “surprises” in special hiding places.
I, too, crave order in my home. No small task when you’ve got three children ages five and under! But it is important to me because when there is order, the tone of our home tends to be much more calm. When too many things are left undone or when the clutter seems to be winning the war, I start to feel a little crazy and too easily spiral out of control (that whole negative thought process about being a complete failure you talked about could so describe me!).
It’s not easy, but the efforts we make to preserve order in our own home are well worth it. We’ve got our own little tricks which, when applied regularly, really help. But you want to know a little secret? I cannot even begin to count the number of those nasty congealing milk cups I’ve come across in the most interesting places! Usually they’ve rolled under the bed quite by accident, but the funniest time was when my poor sweet three year old came running to me after just taking a big sip of one she had put for safe keeping in her TOY refridgerator–two days prior! I felt so bad for her but at the same time, could barely suppress the laughter. (Does that make me a terrible Mommy?)
Oh, and I’m totally with you on one more thing: Please…nobody touch my chocolate! 🙂
Tell me about it! 8 daughters & hairbands! Where do they go? & socks don’t get me started! Oh & pens!
Amen, Sister! I often find myself in just the same situation — it’s exhausting.
Oh — and our main “missing” culprit seems to be combs. Just those cheap regular black combs. We can never find them, no matter how many packages of them I buy.
Chocolate…yes. I had the kids convinced I was eating peanut butter cups for the “protein” and they scolded their daddy for eating some. “Mommy needs those for the baby!” He raised his eyebrows: “The baby, huh?” Yup.
Oh, well. I need neatness, too, otherwise I don’t want to be home, and that’s bad. I go shopping, or skip school and go to the park, or sit on the front patio not doing any chores inside the messy house, thereby making it messier. We HAD something like a system, but then Penelope came along and the system flew right out the window. Oh, well, again.
Hope you have a lovely day, Margaret!
Goodness, I have so many days like this, Margaret! What a wonderful post – thank you!
I love this post! But what I find is that MOST of the time, the culprit is ME! I’m the disorganized one that walked off with the hairbrush, chasing the 2 yo dd in order to do her hair; or I’m the one who misplaces something, and finds it much later, after it is needed (or, like you said, after the topsy-turvy hunt, which could wait another time. SIGH.).
Love this.
Yes, I agree, we cannot control everything… but sometimes I grit my teeth determined to “die trying” when it comes to clutter and organization.
🙂
LOL at your hunt for the missing workbook… that is something I have done too!
The missing item in our house that used to most bother me was someone’s shoe. Never the same person, and only one. Right when we would be trying to get somewhere (like Mass).
We placed shoes in the front hall and little people would walk off with them, so I got an over the door shoe hanger and put it in the front hall closet. Now everyone takes his shoes off as he comes in and hangs them up. With the door closed, little people (generally) leave them alone. I feel much better about going places now!
What a timely post. At this very moment I can’t find my PHONE! I hear the messages and try shouting to the other person (to no avail, of course) that I’m still looking for my phone.
And the sippy cups. I can’t even share my story of how long one had been laying under my couch. 🙂
I, too, long for order. I keep trying to find the ‘perfect’ system for keeping everything in it’s place. The no fail one is to clean the entire house and then tell the kids to sit on the couch and not move. 🙂 No, I haven’t done that. But, after I do clean the house and everything is in its place a do cringe when even one toy is taken out!
Ditto. I dream about being on top of everything, of knowing the location of all lost shoes, socks, books, and dogs, of not needing St. Anthony DAILY, of clean countertops and swept floors. Mais, non. Sometimes I think God has a quirky sense of humor about my need for order and control. This weekend I lost my cell phone while camping – turned off of course. I tore up the car, my purse, and the campsite. I lost all cool and proceeded to indulge that self flagellating, “I am a failure” thinking. I finally gave it up and humbly reconciled with my inability to keep track of small appliances. Et voila! I found my phone in the inner pocket of my purse. I am SURE I checked there before. Hmm.
Margaret dear we are going to get along just fine! Oh and don’t worry – I’m bringing you chocolate. 😉
Jackie I think they eat the pens…and the pencils – they must, where else could they be??
Oh and what about the silverware? In the trash I am sure.
See, I can totally relate. 😀
I love it! We can never find a brush, comb, matching socks, shoes, or sippy cup when we need it…they have somehow wandered off.
Margaret,
You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. I told my children that I quit today!
Christine
Margaret and ladies, I need to tell you, as the mother of six (five boys and a girl)who is now on the other side of parenting children, not to get caught up in the craziness of day to day living.
Family life is messy, so if you have a neatness compulsion, lose it at the door. My “kids” are now all in their forties (which makes me 68) and if I can give one thought as advice: “just love them, merely love them, simply love them, love them, love them.”
(Camelot)
Judy