…when you find the following posted in the bathroom:
Minnesota Mom, Incorporated
STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURES MANUAL
FILE 2.1.A.ii(c): Use of Common Personal Care Containers
1. Purpose: To enable employees to properly make use of common personal care containers, such as toothpaste, shampoo, mouthwash, and the like.
2. Problem: Current Standard Operating Procedures (SOP) in Minnesota Mom, Inc. for the use of personal care containers generates excessive waste.
3. Solution: Upon signature by the CEO, Minnesota Mom Inc. adopts the following SOP to reduce excessive waste.
Procedure (to be enacted heretoforth):
1. Grasp container in first hand.
2. Grasp container cap in second hand.
3. Using second hand twist or pry cap loose. Use the specific method (twisting or prying) applicable to the type of cap, as recommended in the directions on the container. Note, it may be necessary to remove first hand from container to fully read directions on container. Do so if necessary as part of step 3. Remember to restore first hand after reading directions
4. Apply amount of liquid, gel, or other from container to appropriate location, e.g., toothbrush.
5. Restore cap with second hand onto container.
6. Proceed to use the liquid, gel, or other for the appropriate purpose.
Issues: Several employees prefer to reverse steps 5 and 6. Please note, this practice is expressly forbidden, and may result in disciplinary action, including a warning placed in the employee’s file, reduction in chocolate privileges, computer privilege elimination, and spankings. We have noted that several employees, while claiming to only reverse steps 5 and 6, in fact simply eliminate step 5. Failure to properly perform your job in this fashion indicates that the employee is incapable of properly using personal care containers, and may result in a reassignment of job duties as part of a Personal Improvement Plan to be designed by management.
Okay, okay! So I’ll try to better about putting the cap back on the toothpaste!
I think I’ll type up a similar memo regarding those little rolled-up balls of socks that I am continually finding on the floor. “Balls of love,” I call them, which helps me keep a smile on my face as I am putting them into the hamper that is less than a foot away.
PS. Having recently violated this statute yet again, I have been informed by my husband that my PIP is forth-coming. What?!! So much for my making his lunch each day!