This past weekend I had a conversation with a beautiful young lady from Poland. I asked about her brothers & sisters and she replied that she had none.
And then she fairly exclaimed, “But you! You have 5 children! In Poland most people have only one or two children. We cannot afford to have more!”
The conversation continued with my asking what her parents did for a living. “My mother,” she responded, “is a doctor. My father, an engineer.”
What is going on in the hearts of those Europeans? I dare not presume to know.
St. Frances Cabrini, pray for us.
It’s not just the Europeans, though I recall the cost of things in Germany being extraordinarily high. Americans say the same thing.
How sad this would make Karol Wojtyla…
It’s interesting to see what people think they ‘need’ in life. I run across the same thing here quite often. A surgeon and his working wife saying, “We would like more kids but we just can’t afford it,” or my neighbors saying they can’t have more than one kid, but their one-year-old daughter who cannot walk already owns the biggest playset in town, two motorized cars, a brand-new Little Tykes kitchen…
I also encounter people saying to me, “It’s not fair that you get to stay home. I have to work because my husband doesn’t make enough.” And I look at their house, their cars, their boats, their vacations, their ‘stuff’ and I wonder, “Are they really working to fill their children’s mouths, or to fill the garage?”
I pray that I do not pass judgement on anyone. I do not really know their lives, or their hearts. But, I also pray that if they are driven by money and possessions that God will somehow touch their hearts.
Sorry for the long ramble, Margaret.
I love your blog. Your posts are always so timely to what I happen to be pondering.
Interesting. Sounds like something someone in America would say too, like Jennie said.
How very, very sad in a Catholic country like Poland. Our Lady of Czestochowa, pray for us!
I come from a different country, where doctors make an average of $1,000 a month. They do not have to buy heavy malpractice insurance and medical school is free so they don’t have student loans when they graduate. Still, they are excellent doctors and very, very underpaid. So we need to keep in mind that just because doctors are filthy rich in the USA that is not the case in other countries. My grandfather was a doctor, he made house calls and half of his patients couldn’t pay him. In most countries there are hospitals where people without insurance can obtain treatment for free. Totally free. No medicaid or copays. Just come in, get treatment, leave with a month’s supply medicine with you without paying a dime. Those doctors don’t even make $1,000. My mother has a friend who at the prime of his career was making $2,000. He is a brain surgeon. (And still had six children).
Also, we need to remember that some people have trouble conceiving babies or carrying them to term. As a mother with one boy and one girl I have quite often been looked down upon in certain conservative Catholic circles because I have probably stopped after getting “the pair”.
We also have to keep in mind that some marriages do have and offer up periods of abstinence.
I believe that if you are open to God’s will, He provides for all your family’s needs. There is an old proverb that states that every baby comes with a loaf of bread under the arms. Contracepting against God’s gift of life is a mortal sin. But let’s not assume that all families with just one or two children are being selfish.
[Ale said] “But let’s not assume that all families with just one or two children are being selfish.”
Ale, That wasn’t my intent. I was reacting to the comment that the young (Catholic) lady from Poland made, that her family “cannot afford” more children, not to the simple fact that they only had 1-2 children.
I have a couple of close friends who have only been able to have two children. I don’t presume to judge couples with only one or two children, especially when I don’t know why, but for that young lady to make an explicit comment like that changes things. She has explained their family’s reason for only having one child, so I no longer have to guess or presume what it is.
It also seems to me that this trend of only having one or two children (if even) is widespread throughout both Europe and the United States. I cannot speak for the situation in South America.
Margaret,
I know your heart and I know that you did not mean to judge all families with just one or two children. But I thought that you opened the door to some dialogue on this topic that, if you think about it, it is kind of black and white in some circles. For a while I felt like I had to constantly explain my fertility or miscarriage issues when confronted with the “Oooooooh… you only have these twooo?” And much more if you live in the suburbs and drive a nice car. I know it probably never happened to you but in very conservative Catholic circles, unless you have 8 or 9 you are just given the look. Now I don’t feel like I need to explain anymore. I try to use the opportunity to accept the look or the implied comment and offer it up in humility. It does not work all the time but I certainly try.
Please forgive me if my comment was a little controversial. After I wrote it I went to the Y and while walking I thought: “maybe this is what she meant by orange- code comments” š
I should have warned you!
Hope you still love me š
Of course I still love you, Ale. And thank you for having the courage to call me this morning to make sure!
Let me just clarify one last time (I promise!) that what I am primarily addressing in this post is the contraceptive mentality–one that terrifyingly includes aborting one’s baby as a means of “family planning”.
I apologize from my heart if this post seems judgmental of that young lady, of people with only one or two children, and of Europeans in general. You know I love all things French!
Woops! I guess I am also addressing the idea that family size should be limited in order to afford the “best of the best” for one’s child.
And now! Enough said!!!