See that man standing next to me? (He’s easy to spot. There’s only one.) That’s my husband.
I love him lots.
We have been married for sixteen years and are six lively kids the richer for it. We have four little ones gone before us into eternity, and one little bun (Who’d have thought?) in the oven. We have known good times, bad times, worse times, and bless-us-Father-but-we-are-this-close-to-separating times.
I have not been the perfect wife. He has not been the perfect husband. And yet…and yet…somehow we’ve managed to muddle through. It isn’t easy—oh my gosh, it’s not easy—but with grace and love, it can be done.
You know that, right?
And if you’re married, you have your own story to share.
But perhaps you’d like to learn from my mistakes?
Because, believe me, I have made them…and the past 16 years have offered me an abundance of wisdom. This is not to say that I always accept this wisdom, but rather that it’s there for me—to embrace, or to ignore.
Would you like a tee-tiny bit of advice? As a belated Father’s Day gift, maybe? To bless your spouse? It’s just two words of advice and here they are: Give in.
It’s as simple as that; forget yourself; give in.
I can tell you that for every one time my husband’s offended me, there have been dozens where I’ve screwed up. I am talking now about the little things that make up a marriage—the 24/7 give & take, as it were—the letting-go and letting him lead, and not brooding or pouting or withholding or whatever when his choice is not what you want it to be. Maybe he didn’t want to stay after Mass for Donut Sunday. Maybe he needed you to go with him on a boring errand. Maybe he wanted to spend Father’s Day at an amusement park, even though you’d planned to stay home and and rest.
(That last one, incidentally, is very real and very recent. He went with the kids and I gave him my blessing. I stayed home with the 3-year-old. I baked a pie. I napped.)
Those are the little things of which I speak—not any major offenses like infidelity or abuse—but rather, all those times when his will is not yours.
Give in.
Give in with a smile and see where it leads you.
(Ed. Note: I have not perfected this skill, but I have seen the difference that it makes. It’s a life-changing, relationship-building, major-marriage-blessing difference. You cannot change him but you can change you…and then wait and see. He will change, too.)
Amen.
I think you are so right. Marriage is a constant lesson in not being selfish; either I'm being schooled in what not to do, or I'm happy because every once in a while I get it right.
Yah, Amen. And glad you had a wonderful Father's Day!
HHmmmmm, staying at home and baking pie, then having a snooze with a 3 year old VS going to an amusment park?!?! Pass me a piece of pie eh 😉 very sound advice.
Great advice. After 12 years of marriage (I was 9 when we got married…ha!) I can say with certainty that the times I've "given in" are the most fruitful. The pouty, I'm-going-to-make-sure-he-knows-I'm-not-happy-about-this times? Not so much.
We'll be heading south soon (and then west) and will be going through the Cities, look for my wave!
I am thankful everyday to be married to a man. I get men..women are way too emotional for me. Just saying. Because I am one of those women.
As we approach 20 years, I can defintely attest to the truth of 'if you want a better spouse, be a better spouse', but I also struggle to live that. Blessings to you!
Yes.
I cried through this whole post. I'm not much for giving in these days, I"m pulled and stretched as far as I feel I can be. (key word feel)–but I know grace can overcome that….we are in that stage of cohabitating, living and existing and taking care of the kids stage. I need to pray for that grace.
I know you must understand this one.
My hubby does not like to stay for donuts either….nor does he like how long it takes me to get out of the church because I talk….I try, I try.
My hubby took the kiddos to see Madagascar 3 and I stayed home with babes.
You hit it exactly! Been married almost 20 years and this piece of advise is the best!
I love that phrase, "give in". It's so rich with meaning.
Wow, makes me think I ought to write me story too. This could not be truer advice. It works both ways too. Compromise is what makes a marriage work. Life is not about getting what you want but about being there, open to love, and being willing to sacrafice to make love grow!
God bless!
Amen, Margaret! I learned this lesson a number of years ago and I can attest to what you said: you can only change yourself, but if you do it for the positive, he is bound to change for the positive also. God Bless you and your husband.
Beautifully written Margaret. Filled with wise words and sound advice!! When I've prayed for a soften heart (of my hubby's), more often than I'd like to admit, it was MY heart that needed the softening.
God bless you!