(Oh, and a wee little bit about blogging)
Prologue: I had a jarring experience two weeks ago. It was, for me, a sort of spiritual September 11th—thoroughly unexpected and entirely unasked for—and yet it happened and I know it was God’s will.
Since then, I’ve been pretty quiet over here. It is hard to blog when you can’t say what you most need to…and yet I must, this time, keep some things in my heart.
And they are some very hard, very heavy things.
If you could say a prayer for me—for us, for my family—I would be ever grateful. Meanwhile, please know that while every day is a gift, you just never know what it might bring.
That is where our faith comes in.
That is when we really need it.
I. On Raising Boys
My oldest son—his blog name is Joe—and I were hanging out one June afternoon. For some reason, I got the song Cat’s in the Cradle stuck in my head and just had to start singing it out loud.
Naturally.
And then, because my version is in no way as good as the original and because I wanted to remember all the lyrics, I found it online and made Joe listen to it.
And then, because 1. I’m a mother; 2. I’m pregnant; and 3. I am prone to violent tsunamis of unexpected emotion…
I started to weep.
It made for a delightfully awkward moment with my teenage son.
He’s been gone for the past six days, by the way, at a Leadership Training Camp for Boy Scouts.
We dropped him off, my husband & George & I.
We dropped him off for a week and I didn’t cry!
(My husband had promised me lunch if I behaved.)
The most interesting—and significant—part of the opening ceremony was the way that they had the boys march off without us. “You’ll want to say your goodbyes in the pavilion,” they told us. “Before the ceremony starts. It’ll be your last chance.”
The kid turns 15 in a month. It won’t be long before he’s marching off for good.
II. And Watching Lost
So one of the things I’ve been working on this summer is trying to make every minute count. I love having everyone home with me! (Except, maybe, at breakfast clean-up time.) Yet it can be hard, as you know, when you have both teenagers and “littles” to spend as much time with everyone as you’d like and I confess to being a bit demanding when it comes to family time.
Okay, I’m a lot demanding.
Still, there are those moments that require big kids only—those hugely important “Let’s talk about life & growing up & stuff” moments that you (as a parent) try your best not to miss. Sometimes all you need is to be there…and if you’re lucky, your kids will come to you. More often than not—and I find this to be true with my sons, especially—you can help your cause if you’re doing something fun.
“Fun” as in fun for them, of course.
And to this end, my boys and I have been watching Lost.
III. And Baking a Banoffee Pie
It’s not a perfect series but it’s pretty darn close. Yes, there are scenes that I have to edit (Think Sawyer. Think Kate. Think Sawyer and Kate.) and yes, there are themes that are fairly mature. There are brawls (my boys love those) and bad choices; there is sin, and there is death.
But there is also honor and courage and friendship. There is love, and there’s redemption.
One scene in particular struck a chord with the mom in me. Charlie (a funny, kind-hearted guitarist from England) and Clare (a sweetly sincere and very pregnant Australian) are listing all the things that they miss from back home. “Banoffee pie,” Charlie says dreamily, and I thought, “Banoffee what?”
Because there are many ways into a young man’s heart, and if watching a really good series with my sons doesn’t do it…
Then I’m hoping that baking them a scrumptious pie will. 😉
Epilogue: It was hard for me to write this post because the longer I don’t write, the harder it gets. Should I even be blogging? My husband says yes. And yet…and yet…sometimes I don’t know. I do know that life can get crazy and hard, and writing it down helps me make sense of it.
Still. The stakes are so high when it comes to raising our kids and I pray that I’m not wasting my time or yours. I pray that, in the end and when it comes down to it…
This is where God wants me to be.
Hi Margaret,
I hope everything is okay… I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Expressing thoughts and feelings is much healthier than holding them in. So, I agree with your wise husband you should keep blogging. I truly believe that but, yes, and I am also being selfish because I really miss your blog when you don't post.
Thinking of you and sending prayers your way.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I will be praying for you to receive what you need, whatever it is.
Plus a little bit of what you want, too. 😉
What you do here is an encouragement. Thank you so much.
My prayers are with you, sweet Margaret, as you go through this difficult time. Hugs.
Love you sweetie. Keep at it, you are a light and are not to kept under a bushel. I hope things look up soon but in the meantime I'll be praying.
Praying for you and yours.
Margaret, praying. I've been in those shoes…maybe I'm still in 'em. For sure I'm raising boys! I've never doubted my need/desire to blog until these last few months when what I really want to blog, I don't feel I should blog. It's difficult. Take care dear friend and know you have prayers coming from all over.
If it's any consolation, people you've never met are praying for you. Like me.
When I say things, even the hard things, aloud, it makes them easier to bear, less ENORMOUS, more manageable. And it doesn't matter whether it's spoken or written, it just helps. Usually, it's the knowing I'm Not The Only One that makes the difference. 🙂 Hope you have a good friend to talk to, Maggie. Good friends are worth their weight in gold.
Lots of love and prayers,
Jennie
You've been so close in thought and prayer lately, Margaret. I thought about emailing several times, and yet didn't because life here is a little different than what I expected it to be. More busy, more stressful, more anxious…you get the drift. Any way, know that you are always missed when you don't post, but certainly understood why. And while I wait, I think fondly of you and send a hug and prayer.
As I've said before, I hardly ever say my daughter's name without it provoking a sweet thought of you as well 🙂
Blessings and Peace!
People who have never commented before are praying for you. Take good care of yourself.
I have been following your blog for sometime and I want you to know that I have you and your family in my prayers. You blog combines faith, family, honesty and humor and it is my "pick me up" 🙂 take care and God bless!
When Kilian was born my blog time slowed down significantly, and then stopped altogether. I just wanted more time with him, thinking he might be my last. It was the best thing I've done for myself, my children and my time with God. Many, many hours gained for the things that matter. Not for everyone though, He has a different call for each of us. Prayers for you, Margaret.
I am praying and praying and praying for you and yours, sweet Margarent.
And I hear you on the blogging bit. Those stakes. So high. And I wonder sometimes if blogging is a good use of the time we have to do such an important task. But my hubby likes mine, too, so for now I'm there and it does bring me joy. But when I don't write for a bit, it is WAY harder to get back in the writing groove!
Anyway, much love nad prayers nad pregnancy-belly-rubs to you, friend.
Love.
I really wish I could come for a big hug and small slice of that pie. God loves you, babes, and so do we.
many prayers for you Margaret. I do love your blog but you must go in the direction God leads (i just hope He keeps you here 🙂 )
I've missed hearing your voice here, Margaret, how lovely to see a post today. I am so sorry that you have been having a rough time of it, you are in my prayers
I am so sorry for your trouble, I pray most sincerely that you are given everything you need to handle it, and that you ultimately see the light and goodness it is intended to bring to your soul.
I wish I could express to you the ways in which you bless me with your blogging. When I first encountered your weblog, I treasured it for the sparkle and laughter it gave me. But I got to know little bits of you over the years, your depth and faith and struggle, and that deepened my own heart. It inspires me how you always find a way to bring light and joy, no matter what you are going through yourself. I honestly always do feel a little touch of heaven when I visit with you here.
Praying for you and your wonderful family, my dear! I have been blessed by your words….so many times. Writing is hard for me…I'm not good at it and so blogging has been hard for me too, at times. But you, you have a gift! I can promise you that reading your blog is NEVER a waste of my time!
Incidentally, LOST has to be my most favorite series EVER! I miss it so! Enjoy!
praying for you and your family. love your blog
I'm praying for you and your family. I almost never comment on blogs, but you always touch my heart. You and your blog are an inspiration to me. I'm another Margaret and my kids are grown now; you can't imagine how many things (parenting-wise) that I wish I could do over. But I try to concentrate on the positive- one is even a nun now, thanks be to God.
Blessings to you, Margaret! Still hope we can get together this summer! If some time opens up for you, send me an e-mail, OK!? {{Hugs!}}
Hi Margaret,
You prayed for me once when I sent you a desperate email. Thank you. Now it's my turn.
Jennifer
Many, many prayers and blessings to you and your family, Margaret! I love your blog and hope that you continue, but know that you must follow God's lead. I am sorry for your crosses! May God give you peace and contentment and the grace that you need to carry your cross. Please know that you are not alone in your troubles!! Deo Gratius!!!
I'm praying for you too. I have parts of my life that I can't blog about, but sometimes wish I could. Instead I blog about the things I can. It is not dishonesty to keep some parts private. It is sanity.
Prayers coming your way. Remember, there's nowhere you're going where He hasn't gone before.
Oh, I was hoping your quiet blog just meant that you were getting some good, much needed, rest, rather than anything bad happening in your life. I do miss you so when you don't write, but of course understand if you must stop. Hopefully your road smooths out soon. Love and prayers for you!
Hi Margaret, you are such an inspiration to me. You and your family will be in my prayers. God Bless.
Each time I read your blog, I come away with a lesson learned. I do hope you continue to blog. Love to you and yours.
Your words brighten my day, please continue your blog if you can. Praying for you and your precious family.
For years, your blog is the first one I go to, and the stories and insights you have shared have been a true blessing. Whether you blog or not, you and your lovely family are in my prayers.
I have been reading your blog for four years. It was the first blog I ever read! I don't comment often, but am always inspired by your faith and love for God and your family. Please know of my many prayers for you now and always!! Sending lots of love!