Subtitled: What a Difference a Day Makes!
I would like to thank you all for your prayers and kind comments yesterday. Really. I hesitated before I said anything about being sad and even had my husband read my “Buried” post before I published it. He reassured me that my words were not, as I feared, all pathetic and totally whiny, though I wonder if deep down inside he wasn’t just hoping you’d bring me out of it.
That’s how bad the past day had been.
The depression hit me like a freight train bound for hell, and I had no choice but to brace myself. I wept all day on Monday, and when I woke up on Tuesday the tears continued. Nothing tangible had happened to precede this mood; it just was.
I wept because I was ruining my children; I wept because they were growing up; I wept because they were growing up ruined.
Even taking a cute little dress out of the dryer made me cry! Kind of corny, huh? Well, it was just that bad.
I know that many of these thoughts come from the devil. If he can get us to doubt God’s love for us…if he can diminish who we are as wives and mothers…if he can make us hate ourselves….then he’s the victor.
The big jerk.
Let us note, then, that the devil himself hates it when we turn on the light. In times of desolation, tell someone! (Or in my case, tell the world. ; ) Admit your weakness and ask for prayers. I am proof that such intercession is powerful.
A half an hour or so after I posted, I felt my happy old self returning. A comment made by Molly reassured me: “I always relish slowing the pace of homeschool when we’re ill and enjoy the increased play and family time we get together. I consider it to be a ‘gift’ in the time of illness.”
Speaking of illness, look who had to miss out on the African feast! Her two brothers (see smiling boys below) were also hit in the middle of the night last night, so it is a safe assumption that this virus is having its way with us. Molly was right. Not only had Angela & Ellie been sick, so had their mistress! Why not hop into the van and say, hit the library? The phonics and the math could always wait.
- And so we stopped by said library and got a movie for Mardi Gras and some Rocky & Bullwinkle cartoons (because in times of desolation one should turn on the light and watch cartoons).
- We stopped by the grocery store to buy the food for our feast that evening.
When I asked the kids what they wanted for their Mardi Gras feast, they unanimously picked African! I used the recipes in Susan Wise Bauer’s Story of the World Part I and made chicken & figs, papaya stir-fried rice and fried plantains. The plantains were…really different. I thought they’d be sweet like bananas, but as you can see from the ketchup bottle, they were not. The kids loved them, though!
- We stopped by PetSmart to drop off a stool sample. (Again, I’m sorry if you’re having breakfast as you read this. Hey, it’s a day of penance!) Ellie has been suffering from what we affectionately refer to as “drag-a-butt syndrome” and the vet thought she might have parasites. (Incidentally, she doesn’t.)
- And finally, we stopped by Michael’s for a ton of crafts. (See “Mother Hen” post below. : )
It felt so good to be productive but even better than that was the peace of soul that—I am certain—resulted from your intercession.
So thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you.
The above sure as heck beats weeping.
Have a blessed Lent, everyone.
I mean that. Make it count.
Ad majorem Dei gloriam,
Glad you’re feeling better!
Wow!! You are so hard on yourself. That devil won’t win, he might tempt us sometimes, but he won’t win.
Your African feast looks SO ambitious and fun! Our sick meals have been chicken noodle soup, ramen noodles and hearty meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Nothing too hard!
If you only knew all the lives you touch by your wonderful blog.
So glad you are feeling better!
This hits so close to home here – Charlotte’s Web is what did it to me this fall. “Her life is just passing by and I’m ruining it! She’s already reading Charlotte’s Web! So much time has passed by already….”
Anyway, my most sincere prayers are with you as I know exactly what it is like to feel such profound pain and guilt connected to motherhood. And you have some of the cutest kids around. Much love,
Jenn
Glad to hear it, your family is darling! Love,
“I wept because I was ruining my children; I wept because they were growing up; I wept because they were growing up ruined.”
Exactly what I would do!!! Those could, in fact, be my exact words. My husband tells me all the time that I am not ruining them, but we do take our responsibility very seriously, don’t we? How much is nature and how much is nurture? The age old question!
I’m so glad that you are feeling better. I’ll continue to pray because I know how sneaky these things can be and we don’t want it sneaking up on you again!
Have a wonderful day and hopefully the virus will leave the house before you get it.
Margaret,
I’m so glad you are feeling better! In my women’s bible study group, I shared with the women about my growing awareness of the Devil and his attempts to sabotage my family on their way to Heaven. So much so that now, in the midst of some of those moments, I simply stop and think, “Devil!” when I realize what he’s up to.
He thinks he’s smart, but my Father’s smarter and He’s taught me well!
God Bless,
Jane
I’m glad to hear that the sun is peeking through the clouds over there and that you are feeling better! Whew!! I’m a melancholic like you and I can totally relate to your sentiments. Thanks for putting into words what so many of us are experiencing!
We’ll pray now that the kids and dog are feeling better soon too!
{{{hugs}}}
I thought I was the only one ruining her children. 😉 Have a blessed Lent.
Hugs and prayers for you 🙂
Have a blessed and spiritually beneficial Lent.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, and sorry that the virus is still lingering. 🙁 Those things take forever to leave! The African feast looks so good. What a great idea. You are a good mother, a great wife, and a wonderful person. Don’t ever doubt it for a second. And don’t let that pitiful little theif steal your joy. 🙂
Oh, Margaret … I’m so glad you’re feeling better. That buried feeling is awful. Hugs to you!
I enjoyed reading. Sounds just like my day-in-the-life. Chin up, darlin’– a new day is dawning (one without fasting!).
Oh and there’s my sweet little Felicity on the couch! Poor little pumpkin. I hope everyone is feeling top notch very soon.
Margaret sweetie don’t be too hard on yourself. It hasn’t been that long since you lost your little babe. That, coupled with the long cold winter, is bound to leave you vulnerable. I can understand why you certainly might have more than a few scattered days of tears. I understand those feelings and I’m praying for you.
Love,
Michele
Margaret, I just really love your blog, and it’s posts like this that make me nod and say, “LOOK! I’m not the only one!” and then turn back to my own life and try to get better in some little way. Thanks for that. And hugs to you (with some baby drool on the shoulder).