One of the most painful interims for a couple who has miscarried is that awful, uncertain time of waiting between finding out that your baby has died and the mother’s actually delivering it. We may wait a couple of days, a week, or even longer.
The advice that my doctor gave me was to wait a week from the day of that fateful ultrasound to see if my body responded on its own. If nothing happened, I was to go in for a check-up and possibly have a D & C done.
I was “lucky.” The contractions began four days later, and on the fifth day my baby was born….two weeks ago today.
Now then.
I have thanked you already for your kindness throughout the time of our loss. I am doing so again right now. Thank you! You are a sweetheart and a true friend of the heart! We could not have gotten through this without your prayers and your many acts of kindness.
I must say that one of the most beautiful, kind, and helpful moments came when I received an e-mail from a friend on the Real Learning Forum. Kris had gone to the Elizabeth Ministry headquarters in Appleton, Wisconsin. She bought some extra things because she knew someone would be able to use them. Could she send them to me?
My heart swelled at the thought. I had had no idea what to do with the remains of my baby prior to this e-mail.
According to their homepage, Elizabeth Ministry International hopes to provide “Christian support for the joys, challenges and sorrows of the childbearing years.”
Amen to that! What a consolation, in the midst of some hard labor and painful contractions, to retreat to my bedroom and see that little line of items all laid out: prayer card, red velvet bag, and an ivory satin box for the tiny body. My heart, though heavy, was at peace knowing that we had the means to honor our child once he or she was delivered.
Thank you again & again, Kris, for your thoughtfulness. It is my great hope to “pay it forward!”
I highly recommend paying a visit to this website and honoring Elizabeth Ministry with your business and/or a blog post. Perhaps we could start an apostolate within our parish and have these items on hand for families who may need them.
Blessed be God in his angels and in his saints.
Oh, thank you Margaret for sharing! What a beautiful ministry! Up here, in this MN city, our Catholic hospital holds all miscarried babies and has a service once per year (in May) for all of the families who have lost a child this way. I am “lucky” I guess, with my miscarriage, I started bleeding in the morning and by sometime in the afternoon, had delivered. Thank God for no DNC, but it was a sad ultra sound to go to, making sure everything was out. Thank you again Margaret for posting this and sharing your life with us.
Ok, I re-read, I guess I know what a D&C is, just not what it stands for, since I’ve always thought it was DNC. sorry about that mistake.
What a wonderful resource. What a beautiful ministry.
Thank you for sharing this ministry. I found resources there I wish that I had after our daughter died. I looked everywhere for books on helping children with the death of a sibling, I see they have at least one book.
May the Lord bless you in this journey.
Thank you for sharing…if only I had known about this 3 years ago!
Now I do, and maybe someone else will benefit.
Blessings…
I’m so glad you were led to that resource. I wish I had had access to that information when I lost my baby in 2001. I really needed the comfort of closure, and a way to honor the baby in a meaningful way. God bless you, and thanks for sharing this important resource.
How blessed you are to have a friend as caring as Kris. I can’t think of a more perfect gesture of love for a mother going through the loss you so recently endured. At the time of my miscarriage (2000) I had no idea of the resources or support available. I so wish that I had. I’m so glad that you did.
Peace and love to you, dear Margaret!
That was beautiful. I had a D&C and never was able to see the baby or anything. They did deal with the remains humanly but it is hard not to have ever seen my baby. At 16 weeks along my Ambrose was already well formed. I am glad you are sharing this information and I will check out this website. God Bless You!! Thanks for sharing you sorrow for the benefit of others!
I, too, have a hospital that handles things in a respectful, Catholic way, but I had not heard of the Elizabeth Ministry until that post from Kris. It’s beautiful.
You are so welcome Margaret! A friend of mine sent me a burial vessel when I was miscarrying my last baby. I was grateful also. Thanks for leading others to Elizabeth Ministry.
This is beautiful, Margaret. I pray that many women will find this resource when they need it.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I miscarried very early twice. It was equally difficult both times, and I got the “you’re young” comment both times. I pray for God to lay his loving hands on you and your family in your time of grief.
Christine
I just found out yesterday that my baby died in utero last week at nearly 12 weeks. I, too, am in that waiting period – awful, painful, desolate place. I am so glad that T with Honey pointed me to your site. I was unsure what to do with my baby’s remains. Blessings to you.